Help please with my ‘difficult’ Dad

woodyt

We have applied for attendance allowance however that was turned down . I have disputed this but not heard anything. The original claim was sent in October and I challenged in January.
Dad also has severe hearing issues and vertigo, aswell as mobility issues so I believe he should be able to claim.
I don’t know whether it’s possible to speak to someone re attendance allowance as it’s taking forever!
I’m pretty sure he gets the council tax reduction.
Thanks

HampshireH

woodyt said:

Thank you so much for your replies.
In relation to my sibling, he’s lived away for over 30 years . He’s in a relationship , has an adult daughter, doesn’t drive and apart from going to work gives the impression he doesn’t have a trouble in the world.
I know that if Dad were to ‘gift’ me the car, he would have to give the same to my brother ( which would rattle me aswell!).
Sorry but I just think the last year has taken it’s toll (not helped by being very hormonal!) and I will have to speak to Dad , explain my financial situation and see what he says.
Many thanks for all the advice 🙂

Such a shame both wouldn't see the value in this being an isolated gift to support your father and that didn't require the equivalent to your sibling.

london21

I think it's communication here 

You will need to communicate with your dad if you wanted it for free don't mention money. 

Also your siblings are they able to get more involved or pay for a carer to lessen the burden on just  you. 

sevenhills

woodyt said:

I know that if Dad were to ‘gift’ me the car, he would have to give the same to my brother ( which would rattle me aswell!).

These ideas have been learnt over decades and are wrong. I know of another female in the same situation as you.
It's not a 50/50 split with the task of looking after your parents, so it should not be a 50/50 split with their money.
As another poster has said, the idea of paying for the car came from you. You need to understand that you are, or should be in charge, which is not always easy for a daughter.
You think emotionally, where as a older males thinks facts, money ect.

sevenhills

HampshireH said:

Sounds like you did offer to buy the car and he has responded accordingly to your suggestion 

Had you said to him please could I have your car because mine is on its last legs and I'm going to need one to continue helping he may have just offered 

Rephrase your want/need and see how he responds then. If he then insists on payment that's a bit different. Hope it goes ok

My 96 year old relative would not understand why he should give his car away, perhaps with being a little younger the OPs dad will?

theoretica

If you use the language of gifts and that sets up the expectation of giving to children equally, then don't use the language of gift - it isn't really what you want or need.  It is support and compensation for the time and resources you are devoting to your father to enable you to continue to do so.  Of course that may result in him saying he would rather you not keep coming - which is hard if you can see he needs it, but his choice as he does have capacity.

Sea_Shell

Also, does the car actually need to be gifted?

Can Dad just let you have exclusive use of his car, with appropriate notifications to his insurers, regarding where it's kept etc.

Ownership (and or money) doesn't need to change hands.... does it?

HillStreetBlues

I come from the school of say what you mean.
"Dad, I'm skint and my car's had it,  can I use yours or buy it cheap"

woodyt

Thanks everyone for the support and messages .
So, I decided to send him an email as then I’d know I would’ve got all my points across (I know I’d get flustered and probably emotional if I’d said it in front of him!) plus it gives him time to digest it.
I’ve told him I’m struggling financially and can’t afford to buy his car and explained how difficult it’s been losing 2 months of wages when Mum died and limited wages over the past six months due to looking after him ( I’m self employed).
Anyway, half an hour later he’s replied saying sorry to hear about the troubles, don’t worry so much and you can carry on using the car as a loan 🤷‍♀️.

elsien

sevenhills said:

woodyt said:

I know that if Dad were to ‘gift’ me the car, he would have to give the same to my brother ( which would rattle me aswell!).

These ideas have been learnt over decades and are wrong. I know of another female in the same situation as you.
It's not a 50/50 split with the task of looking after your parents, so it should not be a 50/50 split with their money.
As another poster has said, the idea of paying for the car came from you. You need to understand that you are, or should be in charge, which is not always easy for a daughter.
You think emotionally, where as a older males thinks facts, money ect.

Seriously
In charge of who exactly?
And not going there with that last sentence.