Common-law Spouse of 8 Years Would Not Update His Will: What are the Consequences?

Lord_Frugal12

theoretica said:

Look at the requirements for being able to claim reasonable financial provision as a dependent of his.  The Inheritance Act of 1975 (assuming they live in England or Wales. 

Thank you for this response. 

They live in England. 

Lord_Frugal12

Mojisola said:

theoretica said:

Look at the requirements for being able to claim reasonable financial provision as a dependent of his.  The Inheritance Act of 1975 (assuming they live in England or Wales. 

This is worth looking at -

"The classes of applicant who may bring a claim is defined under the Act, and includes:

• the spouse or civil partner of the deceased
• the former spouse or civil partner of the deceased (as long as that person has not remarried/entered into a subsequent civil partnership)
• a person who, for the two years prior to the death, was living with the deceased as if they were a spouse or civil partner
• a child of the deceased
• a person who was treated as a child of the family by the deceased
• any other person who was being maintained, wholly or partly, by the deceased immediately prior to their death."

Going to court would be expensive but a claim can be settled out of court by the beneficiaries agreeing a lump sum payment.

If she isn't willing to stop being used by him, check out the above and get a property alert on the property (as he is the sole owner, he could raise a loan on it, sell it, give it away to his cousin, etc).  The alert won't stop it but your cousin will at least have some warning about any action on the property.

Thank you for this detailed response. 

Interesting to have the possibility of a 'Property Alert.' 

Lord_Frugal12

Spendless said:

If I were your cousin, I'd be opening a savings account and putting my wages in there to build up enough of a nest egg for as and when she needs to find somewhere of her own. 

 Has she also considered if he had to go into a care home. I don't think she'd be taken into consideration in that scenario either. 

Thank you for that response. 

Good point about the care home.  

Lord_Frugal12

lika_86 said:

There is no such thing as a common law spouse. 

Personally I'd focus less on getting him to ensure she's provided for in his will and instead focus on seeing what your cousin would be entitled to if she weren't with him.

Thank you for that response. 

I like your pragmatic option. 

Lord_Frugal12

elsien said:

Other than a cheap roof over her head, she must be getting something from the relationship to still be there.

Why are the family pressuring them to get married if he’s such a waste of space?

 Surely in those circumstances you’d be supporting her to leave rather than committing herself even more, given that you appear to not see anything good in him at all. 
It is her choice, but if he’s so awful shouldn’t marriage be the last thing in the radar, not the first? Because otherwise the message you are giving is that it’s ok to put up with any amount of excrement as long as you get the house at the end of it. Not a way I’d want someone I cared about to live. 

Thanks for this response. 

I do agree with you. This is not the type of man any woman should marry.  There were many other horrible things about this man I chose not to write in my original post as it was already getting too long! 

Marriage should be the "last thing in the radar." Here is our problem: It is really difficult to get our cousin to speak to us without Mr Creosote being with her. He even goes through her iPhone.  Sometimes when we text her, Mr Creosote would reply as our cousin. One of our aunties was directly persistent in trying to persuade Mr Creosote to marry our cousin, his "fiancé."  But, he asked her not to take the auntie's phone calls.  And last week, he had blocked the auntie on my cousin's phone! This is how controlling Mr Creosote is. 

And there is an added problem of a possible case of 'grooming' or Stockholm Syndrome. My cousin seems so used to Mr Creosote's horrible ways of living, she has allowed herself to be desensitized by the experiences that would have made most women ran away years ago. 

By 'grooming', I mean Mr Creosote has so much emotional power over my cousin that he seems to have re-programmed her. For example, my cousin always hated football and the football culture in England. But, Mr Creosote lives to watch football. This means, to pacify him, she has become amazingly knowledgeable about football. And he would sit on a sofa and speak to all sorts of football facts and opinions that won't even interest Gary Lineker. And my cousin would sit there agreeing or showing some sense of understanding. She knows that if Mr Creosote's team loses a match, he would be a greater Hell to live with. 

So, as you say, no one should marry a man like Mr Creosote. But, my cousin has to tell everything anyone tells her. So, if we say anything bad about Cr Creosote to my cousin, she has to disclose it to Mr Creosote. Here is where I feel I have to phone a Domestic Abuse Helpline to get their advice. But, as you know, she cannot do this. 

    



   

Lord_Frugal12

Brie said:

If she is paying him £200 a month does that mean she has acquired some stake in the property?  Or is it considered rent which means she is a tenant?  

Personally I think she should walk away because the guy is obviously not worthy of her attention but that is a very scary thing for someone to do - especially after so much time.

Thank you for your response. 

It is a "very scary" situation. Agree. And I worry about her all the time. This is not the way to live. 

No, she is not considered a tenant in the legal sense. Plus, they share a bed.    

Lord_Frugal12

gettingtheresometime said:

It sounds as if there's no love in the relationship and so it sounds as if both parties have decided that the status quo is giving them each different things, certainly for the time being..... him company & care & your cousin a roof over her head (though admittedly for the time being).

It sounds as if he's never going to change so I'd focus on increasing your cousin's self confidence ...hopefully by doing that she'll force the issue herself by leaving him

Thanks for your response. 

I agree with your strategy of getting our cousin to improve her confidence and get out of this toxic relationship. 

Lord_Frugal12

Savvy_Sue said:

MattMattMattUK said:

lincroft1710 said:

MattMattMattUK said:

lincroft1710 said:

If she is buying the food and contributes £200 pcm to the household bills, is she a dependant?

No, dependants are children.

What about adult dependants?

My understanding and I will happily be corrected is in terms of eligibility for support/help no adult is deemed a dependent for financial purposes as far as the law is concerned. 

I think you are wrong there. A long time ago DH was claiming benefits, and I was working. But I was able to get free dental care as his dependent. 

There is also definitely a recognised situation where a will does not make adequate provision for someone who was financially dependent on another person. Whether the OP's cousin would qualify is unclear. 

However, one thing I noticed: in the first post, it says 

Lord_Frugal12 said:

He has an old will when he bought the property. This version leaves everything to his sibling. But, for many months, instead of marrying my cousin, this guy has been saying he would update his Will. In in, he plans to leave his property to his sibling and his wife. The property is currently valued at £400,000. What does this guy plan to leave my cousin? "My bank account." 

So is there a wife? And is he divorced, or not? 

I think I would be working to support the cousin in getting out of this situation before he dies. She's in a terrifying situation, but it's not going to get any less terrifying the longer she stays. But she has to choose ... 

To clarify: 

There is my cousin who lives with a man I termed Mr Creosote.

and Mr Creosote has a brother, let's call him Bobby. And Bobby has a wife, let's call her Brenda. 

Sorry for not making it clearer in the original post. 

Mr Creosote has no intention of marrying my cousin. We feel that Bobby's wife Brenda has a huge influence on Mr Creosote. Bobby and Brenda are living above and beyond their means. They often ask Mr Creosote  for  money to pay for £1,200 a month in childcare fees. And Mr Creosote gives it to them. But, both brothers were given £80,000 each from their grandmother's death. But, Bobby and Brenda put the money in a property in an expensive part of England that they can't afford. So, they constantly ask Mr Creosote for money. And Mr Creosote  fancies Brenda, as he does any woman who is more than ten years younger than him, as I mentioned in the original post.     

Lord_Frugal12

sheramber said:

the family are concerned about her future but is she? 

Are the family  trying to help her move out, find her a place to live or provide e with accommodation until she get  plqce of her own. She lived on her own before so knows she can do so.

What made her give everything up to move in with him?

Helping her to make  a new life for herself  would be  better solution thant getting married to this man.

But you can only help someone who wants to be helped.

Thanks for your response. 

As I wrote in a response to a previous comment, it is hard to get our cousin to  speak to her on her own. Mr Creosote is very controlling. 

What made her move in with him? She reached the age of 41 and still had not found a man who would love her.  She had lived at her family home until this moment, except for a two year spell of living with her previous boyfriend. That ended with that guy getting my cousin in debts  that she could not repay. She had to declare herself bankrupt. The previous boyfriend financially abused her. She was paying all his bills. 

My cousin is a vulnerable, needy person. So, some men exploited those vulnerabilities. 

   So, when Mr Creosote came along, she felt she had the chance to get away from the family home. She didn't want to be 41 and still "stay at  home." It was desperation as well as the pressures of being in her 40s and still single.  

And, agree with you: I am trying to tactfully improve her confidence and self-esteem so she can leave this horrible lifestyle.  

Lord_Frugal12

MalMonroe said:

Hi, exactly as Sheramber says, above, you can only help those who want help.

Nobody else can live another person's life. From the way you tell the problem, your family is not small and you are a caring bunch of people. Is it not possible for someone from your family to offer your vulnerable cousin a place to stay for a while? And maybe help her get on her feet as a single woman again?  If she wants that, of course. She's a relatively young woman but the way your post reads it's as if she's waiting to benefit from her partner's will, as if they were both about 90. 

You say "She feels sorry for him. Without  my cousin, he would not survive two days. He can't be without her for more than five hours. He has to be with her as much as possible. He is one of those men who is incapable of being on his own." 

That's not a relationship. Feeling sorry for someone is not love and it isn't a reason to stay with them. I bet you five bob that not only would he survive two days, he'd probably survive two or three - or even four - decades. He CAN be without her for more than five hours because he's an adult, grown up man. And he is capable of being on his own. If your cousin goes (and I truly hope she does) then he will be more than capable, believe me. If he cannot manage on his own then he will have to seek help from social services like many other people who don't have a live-in carer. His sibling (and whoever's wife it is) can help him. After all, they're the ones who are going to strike it lucky when he dies, so it's the least they can do.

From what you say he is a very controlling person who thinks only of himself and I agree that your cousin needs to escape. Please help her. Don't just sit there worrying for a few more years, do something positive. He may well outlive all of you. Stranger things have happened.

If she really doesn't want to leave, then sadly there's absolutely nothing you can do, short of kidnapping her.  But if someone in your family could offer her an escape route, she may just decide to take it.

I wish your cousin all the best for the future.  

Thank you for the detailed   response. I appreciate it. Lots of good points to think about. And you might be right. He could end up outliving her because she is the one who has to put with the stress of living and caring for him. On top, he is the stingiest person I have ever met. Despite having just been given £80,000 after his nan's death, he would not put on the central heating in their house.  I stayed with them over the bank holiday weekend. Their house is in one of the best and most expensive parts of England. But Mr Creosote's maisonette is a squalor.  He would not use any money to renovate. One room stinks of cat !!!!!!. The indoor cat had been a single room all for herself. Mr Creosote is incapable of living by himself when he was single. So, an aunt offered him a cat as a gift.  He kept this cat until others told him that the Cat is one of the causes of his ill health. 

The cat stayed in that  room for over ten years. And it had to be given away in December 2022. Now, the whole house stinks of cat !!!!!!. (Anyone could advise us to how to get rid of it?). Even Mr Creosote and my cousin smells of this foul smell. I had to stay in this bedroom for two nights. And I ended up  naming in the Cat !!!!!! Purgatory. 

He would not put on the heating. On the first  night, I had to keep my winter jacket on until I went to bed. And in bed, I had to wear a thermal trousers inside my pajamas. I have no health problems and never done that before. So, if I felt this cold, how would Mr Creosote and my cousin have felt?   I was shivering. Even my cousin mentioned that she was cold. Mr Creosote said, "No, it's not that cold. We don't need the heating." 

So, on the next day, I bought a room temperature monitor.  It showed 16.2 Celsius. Optimum temperature should be between 19 and 22 Celsius.  Mr Creosote has too many health problems including a loud cough he had for 3 years as well as asthma and other breathing problems. So, you would think he would put on the heating? But, he won't. 

And in the living room, he does not want the lights bright. So, they are kept so dim that I noticed my cousin squinting all the time. She mentioned that she keeps getting headaches. I was struggling to read my phone. Yet, Mr Creosote would not brighten the lights. 

They live in true squalor that does not suit a first world country. It is really sad. 

And as you advised, I have to try and inspire to leave this man. But as you also said, it is up to my cousin. The sad thing is that I feel that she had been 'groomed' in a different way by Mr Creosote.