Simplifying Life

moanymoany

I am going to do the ultimate de-clutter - family. Not my children, but my sister and stepfather. Since mum became ill and died, boy have they come out of the woodwork. They haven't seen my mum or stepfather for years, but now they are taking him over and he is letting them. Mind, it is still us that he turns to when something is wrong. :rolleyes:

So, I am changing my phone number and I'm going to keep it secret. I'm giving my neice's and my sisters phone number to the organisations involved with my stepfather's care. Neice lives 5 minutes walk from him - which she boldly boasted to stepfathers sister - not that she has ever walked round there.

I went to the undertaker who arranged for a vicar to come and see us to discuss the service. he had told the vicar I needed some care and attention as I looked near to breaking point, it is bad enough trying to say goodbye to mum without this.

So, they have to go. Dh is not a bossy chap but he is saying ENOUGH - we've been the ones to do everything for stepdad and if he wants to go over to the dark side he leaves behind those that have cared for him. They will soon discover that it can be hard work.

So, the ultimate declutter will begin as soon as I can get it sorted.

Interesting, the undertaker and vicar had seen it all before.

ceridwen

Moany

I am sorry to hear your news. I didnt want to ask personally - but after your last P.M. I thought your mother had probably just died and you were involved with that at present.

<<LOADS OF HUGS>>

Sorry to hear about how things are too with your sister and stepdad - not at all unexpected. I know things havent been good in that direction for a while.

I'm glad you've got hubby there for you - and, of course, your son and daughter. Maybe - right now - some nice long walks with the "dawg"?

<<HUGS AGAIN>>

Take care

love

ceridwen


xxxxxxxxx

(PS: Moaners - do you think I could have a P.M. with your address in please? Would like to send a card).

ceridwen

edited out - sorry

moanymoany

Hi there ceridwen, done the biz.

love,
moaners

Muppet81

Aril - the words you posted above really touched me this morning. How true they are.
Today I am meeting an old friend for lunch. Having been very close for many years we drifted apart. It was not intentional, our lives were just soooooo busy.
We exchanged cards at birthdays and Christmas and I thought about her often.
Last week I received an e-mail from her explaining that she dropped out of the scene 8 years ago (could not believe it was 8 years passed by in a flash) because she was diagnosed with cancer. She decided she would not "bring her friends down". I was horrified that for 8 years she has been battling cancer and is now in remmission. Maybe if I had really pushed to keep our friendship live, she would have allowed me to be part of her struggle, maybe not as she is a strong and determined lady. The fact is, I didn't push, I allowed our friendship to dwindle and for her to become a distant friend.
Pick up that phone. Make the calls. Who knows what life has round the corner. Live for the day and make a difference evey day. Work out what really matters.
Can't wait to see her again but feel so ashamed of myself at the same time.

mary43

aril - beautiful words and oh how true they are. I must hold my hands up to being guilty of putting off seeing friends till 'next week' for no particular reason. Life is so short we really ought to grab all the quality time we can with people we feel really comfortable with.
Dishwasher ?? I've never had one, don't intend to. Nor do I have a tumble dryer.............the kids we have aree gobsmacked when asked to help with the dishes ! And they still can't get to grips with the fact that something washed this afternoon won't be dry until tomorrow. Are they thinking, I wonder, that when they start to live independantly all these things will be at their fingertips ? Methinks they'll be a rude awakening for them.

Moanymoany - so sorry to hear about your mum and your OH is right when he says 'enough'................family's are strange............we're born into them and it seems expected to all like and love each other ..............doesn't work that way for all...................and my brother is slowly but surely being erased. I was given all the old photos of us as children -he had no interest in them at the time and I didn't have the heart to throw them away............now it seems he want them (thank goodness) and says he'll pick them up in August next time he comes to see Mum.........well I can't wait till then............I'd sooner pay the postage to Spain just to have some more 'space' not only in my photo albums but in my head. I'm keeping one just for my family history file and thats all I need.
I wish you well ............you've done so much for your Mum............time for someone else to do something and you can have some time for yourself. You've earned it.

muppet - its so easy to let friendships 'drift' - I've done it myself, particularly now I've moved to a different area. I've made new friends and am very close to them but there are two 'old friends' from years ago who I should never distance myself from, we were too close and one of them is particularly good in letting me stay when I visit Mum, providing she's not away of course. The other....well we keep in touch via long letters every Christmas and each year we promise that come new year we'll phone and we don't...........both as guilty as each other on that score. But I must, I really must. I hope you enjot your lunch and can put your friendship back on a proper footing if you know what I mean.

ceridwen - once you've done and your life is 'simplified' please make a point of popping onto this thread to make sure that I for one, keep on top of things, or at least try to................it's going to take me a long time at the snails pace I'm at...................having time off from it today. Back aches from grovelling under desks yesterday.............so this afternoon is 'me' time. I reckon I've earned it. Just want elec.typewriter on freecycle now to have some interest (none so far -maybe people don't use them any more?)

Bunny200

Aril wrote: »

Hello virtual friends:j

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say hi?
When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift...thrown away...Life is not a race. Hear the music before the song is over.

Aril

Thanks for that, it prompted me to contact a friend that I've been meaning to contact for ages (I'll do it tomorrow!) so I've just sent her a lovely long email with lots of questions and information! Its so easy to let people go and some of them you just can't afford to lose!

moanymoany

Thank you to everyone, it is so supporting to know people are sympathetic.

On Wednesday evening my stepdad's breathing was very bad and I called out the emergency doctor. Well, they didn't come but simply rang him and said to go to the drop-in centre at the local hospital. Guess who was asked to take him? It didn't matter that that day I had registered mum's death and organised the funeral and I was just shattered.

Dh phoned my sister and said she should get her daughter to take him. She lives 5 mins walk away - still hadn't been round for nearly 2 years!:rolleyes: Next afternoon I had a call from the carers saying he was nowhere around. Guess where he was - in hospital and no-one told me! Today I've had calls from carers, wardens and others asking where he is. It's always me they ring - good old moany, she's always there to be walked on!!

I just phoned his house and he's back home. I asked why no-one told me what was happening and he said he had no control! He couldn't say - call moany and tell her as she will worry - oh no!

I've made the right decision. I've changed my number, it is ex-directory and comes up as secret or withheld. Let my sister and her daughter pick up the slack here. They will soon realise it's not an easy ride.

The games people play!

I'm really being a moany tonight, but it makes me so ANGRY. No matter how much I do it's either not enough or it's wrong. Hands up all those who get the same from their families. One thing I've learned over the past couple of weeks is that my case is not unique - not by a mile. There is always someone in the family who does the caring and the work. Then there are the others who just criticise while they come up with excuses for doing nowt.

Grrrrrrrrrrr :wall:

ceridwen

(Phew - finally managed to get into this Forum tonight...was locked out of the whole set of Forums tonight.Really excelled itself tonight ....got in through a bit of "lateral thinking" in the end. So - if I'm not around for a couple of days - till I get a computer-minded friend to have a looksee what's happening - just to this website and the Guardian newspaper website - everything else working as normal - it aint for the lack of trying.

Anyways...hoping I wont get locked out again!).


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Glad you liked the song Moany. I'm not surprised you're feeling angry right now...I guess the phrase is "taken for granted" - sounds like that is what has been happening to you. Well - to coin a phrase - I guess its time to "reclaim your life" now.

Dont suppose theres any chance of a bit of a holiday right now? Even if its just a long weekend somewhere for just you and O.H. You mentioned liking Dartmoor before - why dont you see if you can manage one of those cheap "bargain break" weekends that posh hotels do at very reasonable rates sometimes?

Anyways....take care.

love

ceridwen

missyg_3

Coincidental timing with the friends discussion... yesterday I emailed 3 friends who I hadn't been in touch with for quite a while. They all replied within 24 hours and it was lovely to hear from them.

I have to admit to letting some friendships lapse "on purpose", I know that sounds awful but I have decided there are some people in my life who are all take and no give. So I'd prefer to focus my energy on true friends.

Mary/Aril, no dishwasher or tumble dryer here either, don't see the need.

Aril - my oven is ancient, definitely more than 20 years old - the grill and fan have been broken for years and I have to double the recommended cooking times :rotfl: desperately hoping it won't give up the ghost before I overhaul the kitchen. I do consider the oven at the end of its useful life now but I know many people would have replaced it years ago. I'm considering going the DIY route for the kitchen as you're doing