Maintenance

Needhelp45

A bit of a long story. I divorced in 2010 due to my ex husbands drink problem and violence toward me. Our son was 18 a few days ago and his father has just announced he will stop his maintenance payments after his A levels, as 'per our divorce settlement'.  Even though our son is going to university in September and he'd previously agreed to pay a contribution to his living costs through uni.  My ex is 63 and said he plans to take semi retirement soon, so he's not prepared to make any contribution now, either when our son is at home after A levels, or when he goes to uni. I have explained to him that the cost of supporting our son doesn't magically disappear, when he leaves school. While our son will be working part time in between A levels and uni, he will need his savings when he goes to uni. 
My ex knows I don't earn much and unfortunately my son only qualifies for the lowest cost of living loan at uni, because of my new partner's income. I will contribute some, but I can't expect my partner to subsidise my me.

Our divorce agreement also states my ex should have paid £250 maintenance per month, (he only ever paid £230) and it should have been increased annually by the RPI (it never was).   I never pursued him for the shortfall because our divorce was so acrimonious (had to get a court order to get my ex out of then house due to violence, then another to keep him from harassing me). I was so stressed by ongoing aggro over access arrangements, working, caring for a young child, caring for my elderly disabled father, then my own health issues that I never had the energy for the fight over maintenance. 

Do I have any grounds for claiming for the shortfall in maintenance over the last 13 years? 

elsien

It would probably cost you more than the amount you’d gain to do so.
If your ex doesn’t want to carry on paying you maintenance for his son, and he is correct that it stops on his 18th birthday, would he be willing to pay anything directly to your son as an allowance? 

Needhelp45

Many thanks for your reply.

Isnt this something I could do via the small claims court as it's so straightforward?

He had originally agreed to pay my son an allowance, at a reduced amount to his current maintenance, but now he's changed his mind. He said our son will have to work his way through uni, even though he'd probably have to work a lot of hours in addition to study, as his loan won't even cover the cost of his accomodation. Our son has ADHD so, study, work and living independently will really pile the pressure on him and I'm worried it will be too much for him to cope with.

It's so upsetting for my son as he knows his dad has repeatedly bailed out his 2 older children from his previous marriage, now in their 30s and never been repaid.

elsien

Were any of the payments via the CMS or was it via a consent order or a private arrangement?
I thought I had seen somewhere where you couldn’t take family arrangements like that through the small claims court but I can’t find the link now so I may have misremembered. My expectation was that you would’ve had to go back to family court hence my comment about the expense.
I could be completely wrong though.
@TBagpuss might have more idea. 

Needhelp45

elsien said:

Were any of the payments via the CMS or was it via a consent order or a private arrangement?
I thought I had seen somewhere where you couldn’t take family arrangements like that through the small claims court but I can’t find the link now so I may have misremembered. My expectation was that you would’ve had to go back to family court hence my comment about the expense.
I could be completely wrong though.
@TBagpuss might have more idea. 

Thanks again, no not the CMS, it was a Consent Order. 

I was thinking of shortfall in payment, including annual RPI, plus compound interest. But I'd have to pay costs whether successful or not and even if we were, lose a big chunk in costs.

Looks like my son's stuffed

tightauldgit

As far as future payments are concerned then you're not due anything for a child in university no matter what he might have promised in the past. 

With the past shortfall I really don't know. I can't help but think that the fact you haven't pursued it for 13 years would go against you in a court. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that but the better thing to do would probably have been to go to CMS and get an award and let them deal with it. Although I don't know if that would have been more or less than you were receiving otherwise.

elsien

FWIW, if you and your partner have chosen to live together as a family, and your son's award is reduced because of that, I don't see your partner putting into the pot as subsidising you because it's family income and you all support each other.
I realise that people do manage their incomes in very different ways when they live together (whether married or not)  and it's what works best for all of you but I wanted to check whether the barrier is your view of being subsidised as opposed to your partner preferring to keep his finances separate because they are slightly different things.
How does your son feel about his ability to cope? He's chosen to study away rather than somewhere closer to home - was this decision made before his father changed his mind and would he want to reconsider the options in the circumstances?  

tacpot12

If you have home insurance, and have legal expenses cover as part of this, you could call the legal helpline and they will be able to confirm if the small claims court would be available to you as a route to claim the unpaid maintenace. You would need to be able to evidence the lack of payment, so might need bank statements going back 13 years.  

However this route is also likely to cause your ex to dig their heels in and resist paying. I would suggest that your son talks to his father about what impact this change of heart will have, and ask that his father sends him some allowance. Fathers are often happier to give the money directly to their child, when the child is 18, especially if they know the costs that the child is going to incur, such as rent and fuel bills. 

Needhelp45

Thanks for the info. I'm pretty sure I don't have legal expenses cover as Ive been cutting everything to the bone with all the rising costs. I thought I the legal costs only covered issues in relation to the property 😩

My ex knows this support would be going directly to our son when he starts uni. He agreed last summer that he would help our son with an allowance when going to uni. All 3 of us had a face to face conversation when my son and I had been doing uni visits and found out the minimum living costs. 

Unfortunately my son isn't good at explaining things or being persuasive. He just said he'll have to work all the time, but isnt so self aware of how this is likely to impact him with the ADHD.

I guess I need to work out ball park living costs with him and encourage him to talk to his dad about it and see if it gets anywhere

Needhelp45

tightauldgit said:

As far as future payments are concerned then you're not due anything for a child in university no matter what he might have promised in the past. 

With the past shortfall I really don't know. I can't help but think that the fact you haven't pursued it for 13 years would go against you in a court. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that but the better thing to do would probably have been to go to CMS and get an award and let them deal with it. Although I don't know if that would have been more or less than you were receiving otherwise.

Thank you.  I realise nothing is due to a child in university.  This would have to be purely about arrears, which I would give to my son towards living costs.

 For me and my son it's more about what's morally right. He's made a commitment to support him and is now dumping his youngest son, when he's bailed out the older two's debts to the tune of thousands. He also pounced off me financially for the duration of our marriage. Stupid me I suppose for thinking that man would stand by his word - sorry ranting!

  I see what you mean about not having pursued it. I do have genuine reasons for not doing so, but naively thought  that would count for something and in legal terms wouldn't take away from the fact that he should have paid it and didn't. 

Needhelp45

elsien said:

FWIW, if you and your partner have chosen to live together as a family, and your son's award is reduced because of that, I don't see your partner putting into the pot as subsidising you because it's family income and you all support each other.
I realise that people do manage their incomes in very different ways when they live together (whether married or not)  and it's what works best for all of you but I wanted to check whether the barrier is your view of being subsidised as opposed to your partner preferring to keep his finances separate because they are slightly different things.
How does your son feel about his ability to cope? He's chosen to study away rather than somewhere closer to home - was this decision made before his father changed his mind and would he want to reconsider the options in the circumstances?  

Many thanks. I guess it's my view of being subsidised. We do keep our finances separate. My choice as much as his. We've both been taken advantage of financially in the past, me by several!. I own the house we live in and I wanted to avoid any property or financial entanglements with anyone going forward.  My partner gives me a decent amount for household costs, is generous with gifts and treats to us both, plus he contributes a huge amount non financially. He has also recently supported his own kids (twins) through uni.  He is abroad atm but when he found out offered to help my son out financially, to save me the aggro of persuing my ex. I just don't think it's right for him to pick up the bill for another man's child, just because he's generous. 

Unfortunately my son is not at all self aware of his ability to cope or see the impact his ADHD, but I see it affecting his ability to cope every day, with just his A levels when living at home and working very part time.

The decision to study further away was just about which universities have decent ranking and would give him a secure offer based on predicted grades.  He's keen to stay within 2.5 hours drive, but unfortunately that means higher accommodation costs as we're in the South.