Maintenance

gettingtheresometime

W hat degree was your son planning on doing ? 

pinkshoes

Needhelp45 said:

But you're right I shouldn't have expected any more from him. 

Unfortunately my son only gets the minimum living allowance loan because of my partner's income, so it doesn't even cover accomodation, so he will need to work his way through. 

  My partner has now offered to help my son and to save me the stress of persuing my ex.  I'm coming round to considering this...galling though it is as I now suspect the thought that my partner has a good income was behind my ex's withdrawing his offer to help.

Your choice for you and your partner to move in together is what has caused the issue here of reducing the loan your son is entitled to. This should have been considered between you and your partner, so you need to stop seeing it as asking your partner for financial help, when you have already made that decision to be a couple and thus be on the same team financially.

If your son's dad doesn't want to pay any more, then that's life and it's between your son and him. 

My dad was diagnosed with a very serious condition when I was in Y13 and he nearly died. He had to stop working so our family income dropped massively. The student loan was based on salary for the previous years income, so I was entitled to the minimum. I got myself a job to pay for the rest. I also have ADHD but managed. 

Savvy_Sue

pinkshoes said:

My dad was diagnosed with a very serious condition when I was in Y13 and he nearly died. He had to stop working so our family income dropped massively. The student loan was based on salary for the previous years income, so I was entitled to the minimum. I got myself a job to pay for the rest. I also have ADHD but managed. 

Worth noting that you should have been able to ask for an In Year assessment, ie based on the changed circumstances. I mention it because if anything changes for the OP, this may become relevant 

Needhelp45

pinkshoes said:

Needhelp45 said:

But you're right I shouldn't have expected any more from him. 

Unfortunately my son only gets the minimum living allowance loan because of my partner's income, so it doesn't even cover accomodation, so he will need to work his way through. 

  My partner has now offered to help my son and to save me the stress of persuing my ex.  I'm coming round to considering this...galling though it is as I now suspect the thought that my partner has a good income was behind my ex's withdrawing his offer to help.

Your choice for you and your partner to move in together is what has caused the issue here of reducing the loan your son is entitled to. This should have been considered between you and your partner, so you need to stop seeing it as asking your partner for financial help, when you have already made that decision to be a couple and thus be on the same team financially.

If your son's dad doesn't want to pay any more, then that's life and it's between your son and him. 

My dad was diagnosed with a very serious condition when I was in Y13 and he nearly died. He had to stop working so our family income dropped massively. The student loan was based on salary for the previous years income, so I was entitled to the minimum. I got myself a job to pay for the rest. I also have ADHD but managed. 

Thanks, my partner moved in in 2020, before my son decided he wanted to go to do A levels, let alone go to university. We had no idea loans were based on household rather parental income. So not something that came into our decision to live together. 

I'm sorry to hear about your family circumstances but it's good to know you managed to work through uni with ADHD.  Can I ask whether you took medication to manage your ADHD? this is something my son hasn't been willing to consider. 

Needhelp45

Savvy_Sue said:

pinkshoes said:

My dad was diagnosed with a very serious condition when I was in Y13 and he nearly died. He had to stop working so our family income dropped massively. The student loan was based on salary for the previous years income, so I was entitled to the minimum. I got myself a job to pay for the rest. I also have ADHD but managed. 

Worth noting that you should have been able to ask for an In Year assessment, ie based on the changed circumstances. I mention it because if anything changes for the OP, this may become relevant 

Thank you!

Needhelp45

gettingtheresometime said:

W hat degree was your son planning on doing ? 

Computer science 

pinkshoes

Needhelp45 said:

Thanks, my partner moved in in 2020, before my son decided he wanted to go to do A levels, let alone go to university. We had no idea loans were based on household rather parental income. So not something that came into our decision to live together. 

I'm sorry to hear about your family circumstances but it's good to know you managed to work through uni with ADHD.  Can I ask whether you took medication to manage your ADHD? this is something my son hasn't been willing to consider. 

I do not medicate. I just have to be SUPER organised (I'm a teacher in my early 40s!!). I have a "to do" list in a book and am very regimented about only writing things in one place. I also have to plan my time of what I am doing when I have any free time as otherwise I will waste any unstructured time by faffing.

I still find it really hard to sit down and make myself focus so always found working early in the morning rather than leaving it until later helped. But when I do find something I really like I get a little obsessed and lose track of time, then get annoyed with myself for not starting it earlier.

The impulsivity side of me can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes but I manage! I think some people find me very annoying and too much, but I have good friends who know the real me! 

My mum helped me with planning and managing my time when I was doing A Levels. She taught me good habits which I have generally always stuck to. 

Needhelp45

pinkshoes said:

Needhelp45 said:

Thanks, my partner moved in in 2020, before my son decided he wanted to go to do A levels, let alone go to university. We had no idea loans were based on household rather parental income. So not something that came into our decision to live together. 

I'm sorry to hear about your family circumstances but it's good to know you managed to work through uni with ADHD.  Can I ask whether you took medication to manage your ADHD? this is something my son hasn't been willing to consider. 

I do not medicate. I just have to be SUPER organised (I'm a teacher in my early 40s!!). I have a "to do" list in a book and am very regimented about only writing things in one place. I also have to plan my time of what I am doing when I have any free time as otherwise I will waste any unstructured time by faffing.

I still find it really hard to sit down and make myself focus so always found working early in the morning rather than leaving it until later helped. But when I do find something I really like I get a little obsessed and lose track of time, then get annoyed with myself for not starting it earlier.

The impulsivity side of me can be a bit of a nightmare sometimes but I manage! I think some people find me very annoying and too much, but I have good friends who know the real me! 

My mum helped me with planning and managing my time when I was doing A Levels. She taught me good habits which I have generally always stuck to. 

Thank you! I realised I have ADHD too when my son got diagnosed and I realised I'd created all these strategies to keep on top of things because ADHD.  Despite this I did well in my corporate job, as an operations manager with around 70 people, but it was incredibly stressful constantly having to not let my ADHD brain trip me up! No wonder I had terrible imposter syndrome. It's much less stressful working for myself. When my son was  diagnosed I read up loads on the Additude website to understand it and tried hard to help my son with his organisation and planning, but so far he's just not interested. He thinks he can manage just fine, then sits up until 3am to finish his A level project the night before it's due. Maybe at uni some of the things I said will start to make sense.