Maintenance

Spendless

Usually child maintenance stops inline with when child benefit is paid until, so that's not automatically on child's 18th birthday or even when the day they sit their last A level exam, it's until the end of August/beg of September in the academic year that child leaves A level or equivalent education. Unless you have an order that says otherwise? 

Options open to your son. Can he work f-time between end of exams and going to Uni in order to put more cash aside? Can he defer for a year and work instead, giving himself longer to save? Would it be enough to just do a term-time job in the hols and not work during the time he's at Uni, if you think he will struggle to manage both?    

You've mentioned you son having ADHD. Is this a formal diagnosis? If so is he getting any benefits he's entitled to? I'm aware this exists, but don't know much more about it but perhaps worth having a read. Help if you're a student with a learning difficulty, health problem or disability: Disabled Students' Allowance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

KxMx

Your ex for whatever reason has now said no, I don't agree with what he has done but if taking semi retirement naturally his income will now change, and the circumstances around when he said yes, no longer apply.

You are worried how your son will cope without this extra income, your partner has offered to help and you don't think that's right. 

Take the offer because it is in the best interests of your son.

Look at it from another angle- your partners income is the reason that your son doesn't qualify for more help. 

Forget his dad, you won't help yourself or son by perusing this. 

I had a Dad who prized and supported his step children way above me and my sibling. I get your upset, I get your sons upset, I really do, but IMO you are on a dead end track looking to get anything resolved with his Dad. 

Accept your partners offer and move on.

tightauldgit

Needhelp45 said:

tightauldgit said:

As far as future payments are concerned then you're not due anything for a child in university no matter what he might have promised in the past. 

With the past shortfall I really don't know. I can't help but think that the fact you haven't pursued it for 13 years would go against you in a court. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that but the better thing to do would probably have been to go to CMS and get an award and let them deal with it. Although I don't know if that would have been more or less than you were receiving otherwise.

Thank you.  I realise nothing is due to a child in university.  This would have to be purely about arrears, which I would give to my son towards living costs.

 For me and my son it's more about what's morally right. He's made a commitment to support him and is now dumping his youngest son, when he's bailed out the older two's debts to the tune of thousands. He also pounced off me financially for the duration of our marriage. Stupid me I suppose for thinking that man would stand by his word - sorry ranting!

  I see what you mean about not having pursued it. I do have genuine reasons for not doing so, but naively thought  that would count for something and in legal terms wouldn't take away from the fact that he should have paid it and didn't. 

Had a quick look at enforcement of maintenance orders and apparently if the arrears are more than 12 months old then the court would first need to look at the reasons you haven't pursued it up until now. 

To answer your other questions, no you can't go to small claims court - the correct process would be to go back to the court that issued the order and make a request for enforcement. 

So it looks like all might not be lost but you'd probably need to have a good reason for not pursuing it that the court would accept.

Stateofart

I think it's time to cut loose and stand on your own two feet.  I don't agree with him not supporting, but if he can't (or won't) you literally can't make him now.  Chalk it up to a bad person, bad choice and move on.  Your son will get the full loans and he'll be okay.  There's thousands of students in his position.  He'll be poor at uni, but so was I and so were a lot of people.  He needs to live off cheap ham, beans and bread, get qualified and then crush it with a great job later, being the better man.

Needhelp45

Spendless said:

Usually child maintenance stops inline with when child benefit is paid until, so that's not automatically on child's 18th birthday or even when the day they sit their last A level exam, it's until the end of August/beg of September in the academic year that child leaves A level or equivalent education. Unless you have an order that says otherwise? 

Options open to your son. Can he work f-time between end of exams and going to Uni in order to put more cash aside? Can he defer for a year and work instead, giving himself longer to save? Would it be enough to just do a term-time job in the hols and not work during the time he's at Uni, if you think he will struggle to manage both?    

You've mentioned you son having ADHD. Is this a formal diagnosis? If so is he getting any benefits he's entitled to? I'm aware this exists, but don't know much more about it but perhaps worth having a read. Help if you're a student with a learning difficulty, health problem or disability: Disabled Students' Allowance - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Many thanks.  Our order states 18 or when he leaves school, he actually sits his last exam in June but the end of the school term is late July 2023, so I'm sticking to that. 
He is going to work extra hours after his a levels, but may not be full time, depends on shifts available.
 Thanks for those suggestions.  I don't think he would want to defer, but we need to do a proper analysis of all costs, savings and what I can afford to give as support and take it from there

He has a formal ADHD diagnosis, but only qualifies for classroom adjustments and some exam concessions, but I think financial support is for more severe cases, but many thanks for the link, I will take a look.

Needhelp45

KxMx said:

Your ex for whatever reason has now said no, I don't agree with what he has done but if taking semi retirement naturally his income will now change, and the circumstances around when he said yes, no longer apply.

You are worried how your son will cope without this extra income, your partner has offered to help and you don't think that's right. 

Take the offer because it is in the best interests of your son.

Look at it from another angle- your partners income is the reason that your son doesn't qualify for more help. 

Forget his dad, you won't help yourself or son by perusing this. 

I had a Dad who prized and supported his step children way above me and my sibling. I get your upset, I get your sons upset, I really do, but IMO you are on a dead end track looking to get anything resolved with his Dad. 

Accept your partners offer and move on.

Thank you, a good point about my partner's income reducing the loan

TBagpuss

It wouldn't be a small claims court claim, it would be applying to enforce the existing order so would go back to the family court.

IIRC the Judge then has a discretion about whether / how much to enforce. You wouldn't get compound interest, at most you might get simple interest, however, I think the fact that you have waited 13 years would go against you and the court might limit it. 
That said, if it is an order rather than CMS it might also be possible (depending on the wording of the order) to apply to extend the term so it continues for longer. You'd need to read your original order , some will say they are non-extendable. However, if it is able to be extended then you would need to make the application before the current order ends, i.e. before your son finishes his A levels .

It might also be open for you, or your  son in his own right, to make an application under Schedule 1 of the Children's Act for financial support . It's a fairly specialized area but something you and he could look into 

Needhelp45

Stateofart said:

I think it's time to cut loose and stand on your own two feet.  I don't agree with him not supporting, but if he can't (or won't) you literally can't make him now.  Chalk it up to a bad person, bad choice and move on.  Your son will get the full loans and he'll be okay.  There's thousands of students in his position.  He'll be poor at uni, but so was I and so were a lot of people.  He needs to live off cheap ham, beans and bread, get qualified and then crush it with a great job later, being the better man.

Thank you for your positive message.  I have always stood on my own two feet, it was the other way around in my marriage, he took far more than he put in.  Despite that I've never asked anything from my ex other than what was due for our son.  I suppose I find it harder because I didn't think he would do this to his son, when he'd promised otherwise and he's supported his older two financially. But you're right I shouldn't have expected any more from him. 
Unfortunately my son only gets the minimum living allowance loan because of my partner's income, so it doesn't even cover accomodation, so he will need to work his way through. 

  My partner has now offered to help my son and to save me the stress of persuing my ex.  I'm coming round to considering this...galling though it is as I now suspect the thought that my partner has a good income was behind my ex's withdrawing his offer to help.

Needhelp45

tightauldgit said:

Needhelp45 said:

tightauldgit said:

As far as future payments are concerned then you're not due anything for a child in university no matter what he might have promised in the past. 

With the past shortfall I really don't know. I can't help but think that the fact you haven't pursued it for 13 years would go against you in a court. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that but the better thing to do would probably have been to go to CMS and get an award and let them deal with it. Although I don't know if that would have been more or less than you were receiving otherwise.

Thank you.  I realise nothing is due to a child in university.  This would have to be purely about arrears, which I would give to my son towards living costs.

 For me and my son it's more about what's morally right. He's made a commitment to support him and is now dumping his youngest son, when he's bailed out the older two's debts to the tune of thousands. He also pounced off me financially for the duration of our marriage. Stupid me I suppose for thinking that man would stand by his word - sorry ranting!

  I see what you mean about not having pursued it. I do have genuine reasons for not doing so, but naively thought  that would count for something and in legal terms wouldn't take away from the fact that he should have paid it and didn't. 

Had a quick look at enforcement of maintenance orders and apparently if the arrears are more than 12 months old then the court would first need to look at the reasons you haven't pursued it up until now. 

To answer your other questions, no you can't go to small claims court - the correct process would be to go back to the court that issued the order and make a request for enforcement. 

So it looks like all might not be lost but you'd probably need to have a good reason for not pursuing it that the court would accept.

Many thanks for that. Very kind of you!

Needhelp45

TBagpuss said:

It wouldn't be a small claims court claim, it would be applying to enforce the existing order so would go back to the family court.

IIRC the Judge then has a discretion about whether / how much to enforce. You wouldn't get compound interest, at most you might get simple interest, however, I think the fact that you have waited 13 years would go against you and the court might limit it. 
That said, if it is an order rather than CMS it might also be possible (depending on the wording of the order) to apply to extend the term so it continues for longer. You'd need to read your original order , some will say they are non-extendable. However, if it is able to be extended then you would need to make the application before the current order ends, i.e. before your son finishes his A levels .

It might also be open for you, or your  son in his own right, to make an application under Schedule 1 of the Children's Act for financial support . It's a fairly specialized area but something you and he could look into 

Thanks so much for all this information. Very good of you!