MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

I'm sorry you have to deal with such issues too Sudonum-mum, it really is draining isn't it. There have been several more issues since i last posted but I'm.just too worn out to deal.with it all. He will never change and is incapable of seeing the harm he's doing to DS and DS continues to put him on a pedestal and do everything he can to please him. It's heartbreaking really. Don't even get me started about Father's day where DS wanted me to part with £60+ for a gift for his father and thought I was being mean when I said absolutely not! Igave him a £20 budget which is about £15 more than I think should be spent on a token gift for the ocassion but that got stretched to £25 + just so i could get out of the shops with DS and get the whole damn stressful situation over with. I did gently remind DS that his father doesn't do the same for mother's day/birthdays as I do for DS for his Dad. In fact, my bithday was ignored this year with not even a card bought and the ex blaming DS in front of me and him. Oh well.

£29.99 has been earnt in interest on my ISA this month so that brings the balance up to £7529.99. I've decided to get it to 10k then overpay the mortgage.

Payday is a week away and i'm struggling this week. I've transferred money from the gifts pot to cover the father's day fiasco and a little extra to cover somw groceries. There'a still just over £700 in that pot though so I'm.not concerned.

The fiitess programme is still going well - I loat 4.5lbs last week - and I'm enjoying the workouts and comradery from the other ladies when i go there 3 times a week. I even got up and went to a 7am class on Monday just ao i could fit 3 sessions in thia week. It's unheard of for me to do sometjing like that so early! I'm also eating much better than previously but am finding it more costly having to buy fresh foods every few days even though I'm sticking to Aldi & Lidl. The ongoing cost of the membership.isn't cheap once the inital month is up and I need to think about it before committing. It's a lot of money to me and spending it on myself like that doesn't sit well.

I've had some bad news from home tonight which has derailed me a bit. We were told last week that my wonderful Mum is in need of urgent exploratory tests but they are invasive and it's been decided today she's unlikely to be able to tolerate the investigations due to her other serioud issues. They are suspectng it's the big C. 😭 She is in a lot of pain and has been blue lighted to hospital this week already. I have an awful feeling about this whereas I'm usually more confident she'll be ok. I feel ao very sad and helpless and a long way from home. Fingers crossed things start to look up soon but for now I just keep on keeping on.

Chrystal

MeandO said:

I'm sorry you have to deal with such issues too Sudonum-mum, it really is draining isn't it. There have been several more issues since i last posted but I'm.just too worn out to deal.with it all. He will never change and is incapable of seeing the harm he's doing to DS and DS continues to put him on a pedestal and do everything he can to please him. It's heartbreaking really. Don't even get me started about Father's day where DS wanted me to part with £60+ for a gift for his father and thought I was being mean when I said absolutely not! Igave him a £20 budget which is about £15 more than I think should be spent on a token gift for the ocassion but that got stretched to £25 + just so i could get out of the shops with DS and get the whole damn stressful situation over with. I did gently remind DS that his father doesn't do the same for mother's day/birthdays as I do for DS for his Dad. In fact, my bithday was ignored this year with not even a card bought and the ex blaming DS in front of me and him. Oh well.

£29.99 has been earnt in interest on my ISA this month so that brings the balance up to £7529.99. I've decided to get it to 10k then overpay the mortgage.

Payday is a week away and i'm struggling this week. I've transferred money from the gifts pot to cover the father's day fiasco and a little extra to cover somw groceries. There'a still just over £700 in that pot though so I'm.not concerned.

The fiitess programme is still going well - I loat 4.5lbs last week - and I'm enjoying the workouts and comradery from the other ladies when i go there 3 times a week. I even got up and went to a 7am class on Monday just ao i could fit 3 sessions in thia week. It's unheard of for me to do sometjing like that so early! I'm also eating much better than previously but am finding it more costly having to buy fresh foods every few days even though I'm sticking to Aldi & Lidl. The ongoing cost of the membership.isn't cheap once the inital month is up and I need to think about it before committing. It's a lot of money to me and spending it on myself like that doesn't sit well.

I've had some bad news from home tonight which has derailed me a bit. We were told last week that my wonderful Mum is in need of urgent exploratory tests but they are invasive and it's been decided today she's unlikely to be able to tolerate the investigations due to her other serioud issues. They are suspectng it's the big C. 😭 She is in a lot of pain and has been blue lighted to hospital this week already. I have an awful feeling about this whereas I'm usually more confident she'll be ok. I feel ao very sad and helpless and a long way from home. Fingers crossed things start to look up soon but for now I just keep on keeping on.

Am I right in remembering that DS has his own bank account?  I seem to recall that when some of his things were sold the money went to him.  If so he is old enough to use his own money to buy presents for his Dad - and also for you.  What was his response to you 'gently' reminding him? Did he agree it was wrong or just dismiss it?

You really need to start and look after yourself properly.  The fitness program is going well - you're eating better - you are enjoying the comradery with the other ladies.  Not long ago you were saying how lonely you were.  Don't throw away the opportunities that this gives you to have a life outside of looking after DS.  It is worth every penny it costs, not only in your physical health but also in your mental health.  The present fund seems to be healthy, and you deserve a gift from it, so use it for your fitness program!

I say this with the kindest intentions... if you make yourself a doormat people will wipe their feet on you, and unfortunately that also includes your son.

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum.  Nothing anyone can say will make it easier, but, having been through it when I was only 25, I understand the heartbreak, and I'm sending you strength to persevere and gentle (((hugs))) XX

weenancyinAmerica

Also sending gentle (((hugs))) from the US. 

Mrs_Money_Penny

So sorry to hear about your Mum. I know how difficult it is being so far away. x

MeandO

Chrystal said:

MeandO said:

I'm sorry you have to deal with such issues too Sudonum-mum, it really is draining isn't it. There have been several more issues since i last posted but I'm.just too worn out to deal.with it all. He will never change and is incapable of seeing the harm he's doing to DS and DS continues to put him on a pedestal and do everything he can to please him. It's heartbreaking really. Don't even get me started about Father's day where DS wanted me to part with £60+ for a gift for his father and thought I was being mean when I said absolutely not! Igave him a £20 budget which is about £15 more than I think should be spent on a token gift for the ocassion but that got stretched to £25 + just so i could get out of the shops with DS and get the whole damn stressful situation over with. I did gently remind DS that his father doesn't do the same for mother's day/birthdays as I do for DS for his Dad. In fact, my bithday was ignored this year with not even a card bought and the ex blaming DS in front of me and him. Oh well.

£29.99 has been earnt in interest on my ISA this month so that brings the balance up to £7529.99. I've decided to get it to 10k then overpay the mortgage.

Payday is a week away and i'm struggling this week. I've transferred money from the gifts pot to cover the father's day fiasco and a little extra to cover somw groceries. There'a still just over £700 in that pot though so I'm.not concerned.

The fiitess programme is still going well - I loat 4.5lbs last week - and I'm enjoying the workouts and comradery from the other ladies when i go there 3 times a week. I even got up and went to a 7am class on Monday just ao i could fit 3 sessions in thia week. It's unheard of for me to do sometjing like that so early! I'm also eating much better than previously but am finding it more costly having to buy fresh foods every few days even though I'm sticking to Aldi & Lidl. The ongoing cost of the membership.isn't cheap once the inital month is up and I need to think about it before committing. It's a lot of money to me and spending it on myself like that doesn't sit well.

I've had some bad news from home tonight which has derailed me a bit. We were told last week that my wonderful Mum is in need of urgent exploratory tests but they are invasive and it's been decided today she's unlikely to be able to tolerate the investigations due to her other serioud issues. They are suspectng it's the big C. 😭 She is in a lot of pain and has been blue lighted to hospital this week already. I have an awful feeling about this whereas I'm usually more confident she'll be ok. I feel ao very sad and helpless and a long way from home. Fingers crossed things start to look up soon but for now I just keep on keeping on.

Am I right in remembering that DS has his own bank account?  I seem to recall that when some of his things were sold the money went to him.  If so he is old enough to use his own money to buy presents for his Dad - and also for you.  What was his response to you 'gently' reminding him? Did he agree it was wrong or just dismiss it?

You really need to start and look after yourself properly.  The fitness program is going well - you're eating better - you are enjoying the comradery with the other ladies.  Not long ago you were saying how lonely you were.  Don't throw away the opportunities that this gives you to have a life outside of looking after DS.  It is worth every penny it costs, not only in your physical health but also in your mental health.  The present fund seems to be healthy, and you deserve a gift from it, so use it for your fitness program!

I say this with the kindest intentions... if you make yourself a doormat people will wipe their feet on you, and unfortunately that also includes your son.

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum.  Nothing anyone can say will make it easier, but, having been through it when I was only 25, I understand the heartbreak, and I'm sending you strength to persevere and gentle (((hugs))) XX

Hi Chrystal, yes, he has his own bank account and generally doesn't splurge money. He wanted to spend £50+ from his own account to 'top up' my contribution for his father's gift and I wouldn't let him. I told him it was inappropriate and Father's/Mother's Day is about a token gift or card. Next year I might just let him spend his own money. He has a real deep-rooted longing to impress his Father all the time. 
His response when I reminded him with regards to Monether's Day his repsonse what  'Well you didn't want anything and told me not to spend money on you' Which is true, but I am repeatedly trying to tell him it's not about what you spend on someone but it's about the thought and effort, he just doesn't buy into it.
You are completely right and your comments are always appreciated and taken as they're meant. x
I am starting to see some of his Father's negative traits in DS and it scares me for the future. He is developing a bit of a 'the rules don't apply to me' attitude which is his Father all over and Dad is only encouraging that with his actions even as recent as yesterday. I am aware I often do too much for DS and I need to stop. It's hard when it's only really ever been me and him at home and he's been the focus of my world. I know it's not going to help things though and the more I do the less he seems to respect me. I've had a word with myself today and am going to try and change things moving forward.

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that with your Mum when you were so young. It's just terrible isn't it. I couldn't concentrate yesterday, kept crying and my mind was running away with negative scenarios. I had to call home around lunchtime just to check she was still here, as awful as that sounds. 

MeandO

Thank you WeenancyinAmerica & Mrs_Money_Penny, your kindness is much appreciated. xx

This week hasn't been great between DS and I and I feel emotionally exhausted today. He will be with his Dad for a few days now so I am going to try and use the time to get myself in a better place for next week.  I have two exercise classes booked so that will help me with my positive mental attitude I hope. It's been a tough week.

It's a lovely day here today and I've been keeping myself busy. The beds have been changed and two loads of washing are drying in the sunshine on the line. I've put a new duvet set on my bed I bought in a sale for £7. It's bright and colourful and I love it so looks cheery when I walk in my bedroom.

I've tackled the box room/office as it was getting overcrowded with 'stuff' as storage space is sparse in this house. I've listed lots of items for sale on FB and fleabay, with a few more to list tomorrow. If they don't sell they'll be donated to a family member who likes to do car boot sales to make a bit of extra money. I've also given away some of DS's too small school uniform to a lady who was very grateful, so that's my good deed for the day.

MeandO

I did another fitness session last night and am aching everywhere feeling the benefit today. I have another to go to tonight which I'm looking forward to. I also get weighed tonight so I'm hoping to have lost a bit more weight this week.

I'm cooking Lemon Chicken for OH and I tonight - a healthy fakeaway version - which we're both looking forward to and I also had everything in for it so no need to buy any other ingredients. I did spend around £20 in Lidl last night on fresh fruit/veg, yogurt, milk, eggs, butter, squash etc and a few reduced packs of chicken for the freezer. We also picked up a free loaf of sourdough via the app which I gave to OH as I'm avoiding bread and it's his favourite type. I bought some leeks to make another batch of leek, pea & mint soup for my lunches next week as the last batch was lovely.

Another load of laundry is on the line but the weather's looking a bit iffy so I'm keeping my eye out to make sure it doesn't rain.

Believe it or not, I also bought a Christmas gift today! I know, I know, but tickets for a local event I know OH would love were released for a date in February so that's his main gift out of the way. I'll transfer the money from the Christmas pot to cover it.

Not much else to report, I'm looking forward to a nice (hopefully relaxing) day or two with OH now, we both need to chill out a bit.

MeandO

It's finally payday so the monthly budget and money shuffling has been undertaken this morning.

I received my annual mortgage statement last week and they've reduced the monthly payment due to OPs. I phoned to request the payment remains unchanged but they said they couldn't do that without going through a mortgage review appointment as the term would be changing, so I've set up a monthly OP to cover the difference, plus an extra few £'s to round the number up. I've still been having the OP vs Savings dilemma in my head, but have decided to get the EF up to at least £10K then make a decision. It now stands at £8129.99. 
This month I've also started paying monthly for DS's big school trip abroad in 2 years time. I've currently paid the full £100, time will tell whether the ex contributes as he said he would, or not.

I picked up an injury during an exercise session last week and have been struggling since. I haven't been able to go back to the gym yet, I have a class booked for tomorrow so I'm hoping I will be ok for then. I'm still in a quandry about the cost of it, but have a couple of weeks to decide yet. I am losing weight but it's coming off very slowly. 

Off to make the most of the weather and out the washing on the line...

Chrystal

Your EF is heading in the right direction, which is great!

I picked up an injury during an exercise session last week and have been struggling since. I haven't been able to go back to the gym yet, I have a class booked for tomorrow so I'm hoping I will be ok for then. I'm still in a quandry about the cost of it, but have a couple of weeks to decide yet. I am losing weight but it's coming off very slowly.

I really hope you continue with this.  It doesn't matter how slowly the weight comes off... 1/2 lb per week is still nearly 2 stone in a year! The thing is it's more about changing your mind set regarding yourself. Training your self that you ARE worth more than other people have trained you to think.  That you DESERVE a social life and friends, that you aren't just there to satisfy/pander to other peoples needs and wants.

Sending you a huge, gentle, ((((hug)))) and hoping that things continue to improve for you. You ARE worth it! XXXX

MeandO

Thank you Chrystal, your words hit home a little and after much deliberation yesterday, today I have signed myself up for a 12 month membership which worked out to be the cheapest option.  I took some time off work this morning and went to a different class that I haven't been to before and absolutely loved it. As I've said before, it's not cheap (£83pm) and that does make me nervous, but I have the money and it's now penned into my budget. I just need to be extra careful with other spends so that I don't end up topping up from savings pots to cover it.