MeandO's money-shuffling

Mrs_Money_Penny

So glad your on the mend. You are doing so well don’t ever forget that.x

MeandO

Wow, thank you all for your very kind words, it really means a lot and gave me a little boost when I was feeling low, so thank you.  I don't feel like I'm always doing well to be honest, but I do what I can and continue to hope I'll get there one day, wherever 'there' may be.

Today has been a toughie after another round with the ex, all because I text him to let him know DS has been really exhausted the past couple of days, to the point of him breaking down in tears and missing a lesson of school, so if he could try and get him to bed at a decent time it may be beneficial to DS. I got an hour or so of defensive, passive-aggressive messages back from him and a barrage of attacks. No doubt he will be filling DS's head with negative lies about me this weekend too, as he does. I just hope DS sees him for what he is one day, he currently thinks he's some sort of god. I feel utterly battered and bruised and have had lots tears at how life has turned out. There was no need for it to be like this.

Moneywise, I'm doing ok so far this month and am trying to be aware of every penny I spend. I managed to pay off £74.05 from my mortgage to get it down to £66,300 exactly and to immediately pay off some spends on the CC - bulk purchases of loo roll and washing tablets. The laundry tablets arrived yesterday but there was only 1 box instead of the 3 that should have arrived, so a quick message to the big rainforest company and they refunded the cost and told me to keep them. 45 washes for free, I'll take the small wins   It'll be a real help as I've had to do loads of washing this week as the ex didn't return any of DS's school uniform from before half term, so I've had to constantly wash the same pair of shorts and couple of jumpers until I can find more shorts that fit him, which is proving very tricky - am currently waiting for the 14th pair to be delivered to try for size...

I picked up some wallpaper for my office box room last night, reduced to £8 a roll in the sale. I felt guilty for spending on something so non-essential, but it gets me down working in this little room which is so tiny and also has stuff dumped in it which won't fit elsewhere in the house so I need to make improvements to it. I am hoping to find time to clear it out again soon.

The Will was completed yesterday with an appointment at the Solicitor's office. I've used the same guy for years and he is absolutely lovely and not like any solicitor I've ever dealt with before, it's always a pleasure to talk to him. He's in his 70s now so I really hope he doesn't retire any time soon. They haven't sent me the bill yet, but I have the £180 ready to cover it when they do. At least everything is now protected from the ex ever being able to touch any of DS's inheritance.

DS and I spent some time with my family last week which was lovely but emotionally difficult. It is so hard seeing them struggle with their health issues and being generally just worn out.

I start the fitness programme tomorrow which I am quite nervous about. Everything hurts at the moment and I am feeling at my worst, physically, so it will be a challenge. I just hope I can persevere and it helps, mentally and physically.

I'm re-thinking the savings vs mortgage thing again lately. I know the general rule is to pay into savings if the % is higher than the mortgage interest rate, which mine is, but it dawned on me last week that 2% of £66K is a lot more than 4.5% of £7.5K, so I will be paying more interest than I'm earning from savings. I think I might start throwing the £500 per month to the mortgage soon. I'm conscious that I won't be getting Child benefit, UC etc in a few years when DS is of an age, so my income will drop and I won't be able to overpay or save so much then. Gosh, I always have this battle with myself in my head of what to do for the best!

MeandO

So, after being told that DS is exhausted and me suggesting an early night is needed, the ex keeps him up until midnight at an event an hour away which was all about the ex's hobby. This is the mentality of the idiot I have to try and reason with. There is just no point in trying anymore.

badmemory

It's almost as if it is deliberate.  What a prat! (polite version).

Mrs_Money_Penny

Sounds like your ex did it on purpose. What an idiot. xx

enthusiasticsaver

Your ex is a selfish idiot but for your own sanity I suggest you stop contacting him.  I know in normal circumstances when you are co parenting communication is important but in your case it does sound like he is deliberately trying to tick you off and you only look like the bad guy to your DS.  All you can focus on is his mental and physical well being when he is with you. 

Re savings  and mortgage.  My suggestion is £250 in savings and £250 mortgage overpayment. 

Chrystal

Can you not get DS to bring his uniform home with him?  If he puts it in his bag when he takes it off he won't forget it.

Give some thought to what @enthusiasticsaver said about not contacting the Ex.  It sounds as though he revels in doing everything possible to upset you.... try not to give his fire any fuel.

Sending gentle (((hugs))) XXX

MeandO

Thanks everyone xx Believe it or not, he didn't do it just to annoy me as I wasn't actually told, he tried to hide it. I couldn't sleep, had a feeling something was amiss so checked DS's phone location and he was an hour up the motorway near midnight, on a school night. I put two and two together as the ex had previously mentioned he had this event to DS. It was basically a 'look how great I am' event. A narcissist's favourite.

Believe me, I contact the ex as little as I possibly can -  only when I need to ask for things to be returned, to check when he is returning/collecting DS as that varies wildly week by week to suit himself or to discuss payment for large ticket things which as you know, rarely has any effect anyway.
DS goes to school from mine one day and then isn't back with me until two days later so school uniform can't be returned in his bag the next day unfortunately. He then also needs a clean set for Monday when going to his Dad on Sundays, all of which I supply. I've even told the ex I don't care if it's returned dirty as long as I get it back, but it's always too much to ask for it to come back. He just can't be bothered and doesn't think of anyone but himself unfortunately then tells everyone I'm hassling and trying to control him when I ask for things to be returned. 

I was upset yesterday as DS went off to see some of the ex's family members who don't live locally so are not seen that often. These are the only two that I kept in touch with as I actually got on better with them than the ex and most of his family did, in fact they used to talk badly of them which I didn't like, but now are obviously all over them. They are lovely people and kept the relationship with me going to the point I visited them a couple of times and they came to stay with me and been out for food with OH and I etc.
Everything was fine up until about a year ago when I was suddenly blanked and ignored by them and they stopped replying to me. The Ex managed to poison them against me too and told them a load of rubbish about me. I am so disappointed in them as they know me and I'm so sad they believed his lies, it really hurt. The worst part of it all is that DS is surrounded by people whom his father has lied to about me and who all seem to think I'm the she-devil, I hope he doesn't grow up hearing any of it. His father is so manipulative and his new partner and her family believes anything he says, I worry that DS will be exposed to this and be manipulated into believing it. In the past he has come back with 'why were you mean to Dad/why did you say this/that to Dad etc' - all of which is utter lies. Why do people have to be like this?

Yesterday afternoon consisted of helping OH tackle a big DIY job in his house in order to get it on the market. It was really hard work and took much longer than anticipated but it got done. Tensions are always fraught when doing DIY with OH, he gets snappy as neither of us want to be doing it and it is never fun. We have both put a lot of work into getting that house renovated for sale, I have told him I won't be doing anymore if he buys a place that needs a lot of work. I am done with DIY filling my weekends and it's put me off doing things in my house that I would have normally wanted to do. So, a pretty rubbish day all round yesterday to be honest apart from a few hours with DS in the morning. 

In more positive news, I started the fitness programme on Friday and really enjoyed myself! It was more discussion and explanation than fitness what with his being the induction session, but I did enjoy the short exercise class we did. Most of all, it was nice to meet other women who are also newbies and some who had been doing it a while. Everyone was really friendly and I left feeling really positive and excited. I have 3 classes booked for this week and I'm hoping this will be the start of something amazing for me as there seems to be a real community there who also organise lots of social events and I need that in my life. I've also started to follow the food guidelines and have eaten well for the past two days. They advise ditching 'diet' products and 'low fat' versions of foods so I've been nervous eating full fat yoghurt and using full fat coconut milk to cook with after years of slimming clubs and trying to lose weight, but I will do my best with this and see where it takes me. 

MeandO

I received the Solictor's bill for my Will this morning so have just paid that - £180.

UC & CB hit the account today, there's a bit more UC than last month despite me earning the same, I really don't understand how it is worked out but I'm not complaining. I've topped the Car/House expenses pot up a little to £200 (after the solicitor's bill has been paid from it), DS's school uniform/expenses pot has been sent £40 as it was emptied after paying for several new pairs of shorts as he'd outgrown his others.
I've topped the groceries pot up as I have spent more this month on fresh food in getting to grips with the new healthy eating plan, it should be easier going forwards once I get used to it. The petrol pot has also been topped up a bit as I will need to fill up before next payday in a couple of weeks.

sudonum-mum

Just catching up....this fitness programme sounds great and like it has a lot of community spirit, you sound like you've really embraced it.

As for your ex, I have the same problem with my ex and our DD is 21 and at Uni, asking him to contribute to things is like hitting my head against a brick wall.
The last time I asked for a contribution to DD's private tutoring (to help her pass some really hard exams) he said he would on payday but then didn't and posted on  Facebook that he was away on holiday for his new girlfriend's birthday!!
I'm actually just disappointed in myself that I actually thought he would put his daughter first and contribute, too be fair he did used to put her first until late last year when he moved his new girlfriend in to his house without DD meeting her so now DD is always at mine when not at Uni. It was then that I realised he would always be a !!!!!! and only cares about himself.
DD is done with him and so am I. DD has had very limited contact with her Dad since he moved this woman in, she has the measure of him completely and their relationship is over.
Your DS knows his Dad is no good but obviously feels he has to sometimes side with him and as for your ex's family members - blood is thicker than water, they were always going to side with him and if he told them lies about you and they weren't upfront enough to ask you it's their loss and you don't want them in your life either.