Wish I hadn't seen

HHarry

I went through a similar process when I inherited a high six figure sum 5 years ago, and even now my relationship with that money is complicated.

I understand that loss of purpose - I had a plan; pay off the mortgage, buy a mid-life crisis car & work part time and then overnight all of those things could happen with no effort.  There’s a period of adjustment, but I think it’s human nature to set goals and so you come up with new ones.

 I’m very cautious with the money, my parents worked hard for it and I don’t want to squander it, but I know I’m too careful.  In 5 years I’ve used some of the money for one special holiday, a painting that I loved, and the aforementioned car (which didn’t live up to expectations).

My friends tell me to get spending as you can’t take it with you, but I still have a need to get value for that money.  Someone in another thread said that spending for the sake of it might not be as much fun as you’d think, and they’re right.

 There’s a definate sense of security from having enough, and what it does give you is the luxury of time and spending that time doing the things you love (whether those things cost money or not) is a priviledge.

NannaH

In our case, inheriting a relatively small amount - £80k,  allowed us to help our Daughter buy a house and, more importantly, allowed DH to leave a very stressful 12 hour days/ nights job and take almost a year off and retrain,  he now has his own business and is earning more for working a very physically easy 20 hours a week than he did as an engineering manager working 48 hours.   At 57, he’s now future proofed and can work part time with long holidays until SPA if he wants to.  

GrubbyGirl_2

Albermarle said:

Interesting post, but to be fair people ( in my limited experience) also fight for CHC, as the funding is better than they would get from a council social care package, in the situation where they have limited assets. Also getting some CHC funding for nursing care at a care home, can make funding the care home fees a bit more affordable for those with some, but not huge assets. Just making the point that fighting for CHC funding is not always about greedy relatives. 

 

I totally agree it is far from everybody and I did say "some to the detriment of their relative".

It's a very emotive subject and I completely understand how difficult it is to get your head around as the law is very complex on this.  Believe it or not the NHS has a statutory duty to provide CHC if someone is deemed eligible and if you've been through the process you know how complex it is.  Most of the services the NHS can provide there is no statutory duty to provide unlike CHC.  The NHS  simply cannot afford to pay for everyone that needs care and some that the NHS does fund cost upwards of £500,000 a year.  The vast majority accept the decision as we explained very carefully why they did not qualify, but in my 20 years doing this I went to court a number of times and never lost a single case, however the claimants funds can be depleted by 6 figure sums in taking the case to court.

I'm not suggesting that everyone who fights for CHC is doing it to protect their inheritance but I have has it said to me many times by relatives.  What I don't want is my relatives doing that to me and stopping my money being spent on my care.  Even though I don't think they will, I'm not taking the chance because by that point I won't be capable of making my own decisions.

tetrarch

Workerdrone said:

They are both in their mid 70's in excellent health and really enjoying their retirement but their spending isn't excessive. They buy what they want and holiday when they want. I'm very happy for them. It's a relief to not have to worry about your parents.

But here's the rub. They have an including the pension, they have an estate of 1.7-2m. There's only myself and one sibling. Im sure they will have some other disbursements they want to make and perhaps Jeremy Hunt will change the rules and take a bite out of it, perhaps (although I hope not, care home costs will take a chunk in future) but I suddenly feel a big chunk of my purpose has been lost. I've always viewed my being careful with money as a way of ensuring a comfortable retirement for my wife and to be able to give my children a start.

I am beginning to understand how lottery winners often feel when they come into money or perhaps even how retirees sometimes feel when suddenly they don't have that important job to strive at.

It strikes me that this particular forum is the most likely on to give a sensible view as there are many people on here who have hit the financial comfort zone and perhaps some on here who understand what it is to lose purpose after retiring. I am interested to here how they deal with focus and motivation once you realise your long term goal has effectively been hit.

I understand where you're coming from. The satisfaction of "doing it yourself" is huge and an enormous windfall does somewhat "contaminate" your achievement. Inter-generational generosity, planned or otherwise does create unintended consequences.

I have a similar situation to yours, but one that I am causing. I am actually getting pushback from MY kids that us helping them with Student Loans and property loans is actually undermining their "self-made" aspirations and they feel guilty abouit their "privilege". Hearing your story really made me consider my own feelings - I don't have any solutions but, rest assured that you are not alone

Regards

Tet  

Albermarle

tetrarch said:

Workerdrone said:

They are both in their mid 70's in excellent health and really enjoying their retirement but their spending isn't excessive. They buy what they want and holiday when they want. I'm very happy for them. It's a relief to not have to worry about your parents.

But here's the rub. They have an including the pension, they have an estate of 1.7-2m. There's only myself and one sibling. Im sure they will have some other disbursements they want to make and perhaps Jeremy Hunt will change the rules and take a bite out of it, perhaps (although I hope not, care home costs will take a chunk in future) but I suddenly feel a big chunk of my purpose has been lost. I've always viewed my being careful with money as a way of ensuring a comfortable retirement for my wife and to be able to give my children a start.

I am beginning to understand how lottery winners often feel when they come into money or perhaps even how retirees sometimes feel when suddenly they don't have that important job to strive at.

It strikes me that this particular forum is the most likely on to give a sensible view as there are many people on here who have hit the financial comfort zone and perhaps some on here who understand what it is to lose purpose after retiring. I am interested to here how they deal with focus and motivation once you realise your long term goal has effectively been hit.

I understand where you're coming from. The satisfaction of "doing it yourself" is huge and an enormous windfall does somewhat "contaminate" your achievement. Inter-generational generosity, planned or otherwise does create unintended consequences.

I have a similar situation to yours, but one that I am causing. I am actually getting pushback from MY kids that us helping them with Student Loans and property loans is actually undermining their "self-made" aspirations and they feel guilty abouit their "privilege". Hearing your story really made me consider my own feelings - I don't have any solutions but, rest assured that you are not alone

Regards

Tet  

Yes sometimes it can take a bit of persuading for them to allow you to give them significant gifts.
I found though that giving them money ( not huge amounts ) at intervals for specific items seemed to be more acceptable,
Such as £4K pa for a LISA- subsidising student accommodation etc 
Even so when one moved back home they insisted on paying rent, so some of the money is just circling !

michaels

Might be worth looking at this thread where I asked a similar question:

Leaving some of your pot for the kids as inheritance - why? — MoneySavingExpert Forum

Kim1965

I have seen early inheritance turn reduce kids drive and ambition. Difficult to get the right balance for certain offspring, the last thing a parent wants is a child unable to plough their own field. 

Pat38493

Oddly enough I asked my wife what she would do if she won the lottery - her first comment - I wouldn't tell the kids in case they didn't bother working hard in future....

kipperman

HHarry said:

I went through a similar process when I inherited a high six figure sum 5 years ago, and even now my relationship with that money is complicated.

I understand that loss of purpose - I had a plan; pay off the mortgage, buy a mid-life crisis car & work part time and then overnight all of those things could happen with no effort.  There’s a period of adjustment, but I think it’s human nature to set goals and so you come up with new ones.

 I’m very cautious with the money, my parents worked hard for it and I don’t want to squander it, but I know I’m too careful.  In 5 years I’ve used some of the money for one special holiday, a painting that I loved, and the aforementioned car (which didn’t live up to expectations).

My friends tell me to get spending as you can’t take it with you, but I still have a need to get value for that money.  Someone in another thread said that spending for the sake of it might not be as much fun as you’d think, and they’re right.

 There’s a definate sense of security from having enough, and what it does give you is the luxury of time and spending that time doing the things you love (whether those things cost money or not) is a priviledge.

I totally concur with this. Whilst my circumstances are a bit different - by dint of luck/hard work I retired at 58 and have a very comfortable income which, all things being equal might mean that most of my pension funds will go to my children. However, you just can't change yourself into a reckless spender - I don't think I'm being mean, but most things that give me the greatest pleasure are those that have a negligible cost - having a coffee and a laugh with mates, going out for walks, sitting on a bench and having a coffee out of a thermos flask looking at the countryside etc. Parked up today, needed £1.10 for parking. I didn't have the exact change and would have had to over paid by 10p. Downloaded the Ringo app and paid the exact money, thus saving myself 10p. It wasn't saving 10p - it was as the quoted poster says - getting value.

Ciprico

There is a book /podcast doing the rounds called "Die with Zero".

The jist, spend your money on experiences and give it away long before you die... So you can enjoy the effect of the money on your family or charity or friends etc whilst you're still around do do so

Its a great read for anyone who is a compulsive saver