Wish I hadn't seen

Workerdrone

Pat38493 said:

I see your point - however personally I would prefer not to count on anything in terms of inheritance due to unknown factors like potential care costs.
Also on the other side, for all you know they have other DC pots as well - you have only seen one document randomly?
Unless you have discussed your retirement planning with them and they have told you not to save so much as they are going to give you a lot, I would just ignore that aspect if I was you.
Also you don't state your age, but you might need your pot long before both of them are passed away.
 
If you enjoy saving and investing, and you end up knowing that you have a lot more than you need for whatever reason, you could still continue it but use the money for altruistic purposes I guess.
It's easier for me to ignore this aspect because my parents are divorced and re-married and my father already died last year, so I have even less reason to count on future inheritances.  I wouldn't be surprised if they have similar amounts floating around, but my assumption is that I'll get nothing and anything beyond that is a future bonus (which possibly would be passed to the kids anyway).

Some good advice there.

I've highlighted the bits that struck a cord.

1.) Argh! I'd not thought of that
2.) Well, they are always encouraging me to spend more, but Im stuck as a saver
3.) That's a good way of looking at it.

Pat38493

Also on a more practical level - when you say mid 70s are they over 75?  If they are not 75 yet and have LTA exposure are they aware of it - do they have an IFA?  

Workerdrone

Choirgrl said:

In summary, and with no flames intended, don’t count your financial chickens before they’ve hatched, and if you do end up with lots of resources, think about what I they can help you do for others.

That's the potential part I now need to consider on an either or basis. This far, I've only really worked on having the means to plan for myself, my wife and the kids futures. I suppose knowing their intentions would help me focus on one plan or the other in more detail.

Workerdrone

newatc said:

Your parents are of similar age and wealth status to us. Hope our children won't take the same view. They will, I hope, receive a helpful sum when we go but who knows, there are no guarantees and our well being and comfort will come first (unless they had a pressing need). 

Im wondering if you've picked me up wrong. I'd rather they spent every penny. Im not a spending sort of person, and they know I get a lot of pleasure out of creating security for myself and my family. I wonder if they chose not to tell me because they realised precisely the crisis of direction inadvertently knowing would bring about. i.e its kinder that I didn't know.... Or perhaps they secretly hate me and are leaving it all to the Jeremy Corbyn fan club

Workerdrone

Pat38493 said:

Also on a more practical level - when you say mid 70s are they over 75?  If they are not 75 yet and have LTA exposure are they aware of it - do they have an IFA?  

yes 75, yes IFA and yes keeping it just under year on year

mark55man

My situation similar.  I am planning on retiring soon under my own steam, and look to pass on majority of inherited wealth (if that is what transpires) to kids, but keep a little back to move from comfortable to comfortable plus upgraded holidays.

I could not face the feeling of waiting for loved ones to pass before taking control of my destiny.  My only worry is that if nothing is inherited I may need to reconsider plans for my own kids.  But realistically that would delay rather than reduce their own trickle down   

SuzeQStan

Hi OP - completely understand where you are coming from. There is a satisfaction in independently forging your own way.

I’ve got a similar ish situation with my parents - but they have planned EVERYTHING down to who is to officiate & what attendees are to wear at the funeral etc. and exactly who I am to contact and what I am to do for every scenario in the event of their passing away they can envisage.

We have all sat down together with their solicitor and so everyone knows what will happen according to their wishes.

I must say that it has made things a lot easier for me - but as others have written here already - who knows what the future may bring.  My parents come from a family that regularly lives into their late 90s.

so in my mind I don’t think about inheriting and plan as though I will receive no inheritance. If my parents outlive me or if they need all their worldly goods to pay for care then I will be no worse off than I am now. (EDIT - unless I end up having to fund their care! Always a possibility to be considered!)

again totally understand where you are coming from - but them eggs ain’t hatched just yet. 😉

mark_cycling00

You can learn some important lessons here:

1. Your focus on your pension is not a good measure of self-worth or success. You should be making constant, small improvements to all areas of your life. Gaining pleasure from watching a monetary value is a distraction mechanism.
Look at all the people on here who obsess over paying off their mortgage early, do it and then don't feel happier. They've just wasted their best years not using their income to improve, start businesses, develop hobbies etc. 

2. Due to this "surprise", we can guess that your family didn't/doesn't discuss money very much and share financial information in an open way. You need to sort this out and appreciate that it has had a negative effect on your relationship to money. There are some good books to read on this.
Relationship to money may be negative on your parents too and they may well not deal with things like care costs very well because they just like scrimping and saving. I mean that they may resist spending any money on care, moving to a more suitable property etc and get into a mess that you may need to sort out. 

3. think about what point (2) has on your family. Your "laser focus" on your pension... did you, your wife and children all agree to this? Do they a say? Do you discuss financial plans openly and regularly? Or are you repeating your parent's pattern. I don't know, I'm just suggesting you consider it because this repeating pattern often happens. 

I'd use this event as a good excuse to consider these things and make changes that may be needed

Workerdrone

SuzeQStan said:

Hi OP - completely understand where you are coming from. There is a satisfaction in independently forging your own way.

I’ve got a similar ish situation with my parents - but they have planned EVERYTHING down to who is to officiate & what attendees are to wear at the funeral etc. and exactly who I am to contact and what I am to do for every scenario in the event of their passing away they can envisage.

We have all sat down together with their solicitor and so everyone knows what will happen according to their wishes.

I must say that it has made things a lot easier for me - but as others have written here already - who knows what the future may bring.  My parents come from a family that regularly lives into their late 90s.

so in my mind I don’t think about inheriting and plan as though I will receive no inheritance. If my parents outlive me or if they need all their worldly goods to pay for care then I will be no worse off than I am now. (EDIT - unless I end up having to fund their care! Always a possibility to be considered!)

again totally understand where you are coming from - but them eggs ain’t hatched just yet. 😉

Yep, I can happily see them living into their 90's in good health. Which is a very good thing. And I fully intend to be retired by 60 so I'll be around to do their shopping etc. But it would be nice to have a steer on things. Perhaps they don't like thinking about final arrangements. It might be as simple as that. But Ive seen enough upset relatives struggling to pick up the pieces to know its kinder to bite the bullet and give guidance.

Workerdrone

mark_cycling00 said:

You can learn some important lessons here:

1. Your focus on your pension is not a good measure of self-worth or success. You should be making constant, small improvements to all areas of your life. Gaining pleasure from watching a monetary value is a distraction mechanism.
Look at all the people on here who obsess over paying off their mortgage early, do it and then don't feel happier. They've just wasted their best years not using their income to improve, start businesses, develop hobbies etc. 

2. Due to this "surprise", we can guess that your family didn't/doesn't discuss money very much and share financial information in an open way. You need to sort this out and appreciate that it has had a negative effect on your relationship to money. There are some good books to read on this.
Relationship to money may be negative on your parents too and they may well not deal with things like care costs very well because they just like scrimping and saving. I mean that they may resist spending any money on care, moving to a more suitable property etc and get into a mess that you may need to sort out. 

3. think about what point (2) has on your family. Your "laser focus" on your pension... did you, your wife and children all agree to this? Do they a say? Do you discuss financial plans openly and regularly? Or are you repeating your parent's pattern. I don't know, I'm just suggesting you consider it because this repeating pattern often happens. 

I'd use this event as a good excuse to consider these things and make changes that may be needed

You are right on the bits in bold. It has certainly prompted me to take stock
1.) I started it during a difficult point in my life because it gave me a measure of control when life didn't have much to offer. Things are better now, but I've not been able to shake the habit
2.) They don't tend to discuss money much.
3.) They certainly don't scrimp and save and would accept care costs if needed, but would first make as many changes to accommodation as possible to avoid the need for it.
4.) My wife and I agreed to this route about 10 years ago. We discuss it regularly. It was about us both being able to retire early. But you are right to query it, saving, like alcohol, drugs, gambling etc can become an addiction. hence I need a wholesale look at the big picture.