Wish I hadn't seen

eskbanker

Grumpy_chap said:

Workerdrone said:

Nope. The whole set up is a black hole 

eskbanker said:

OP's parents are completely entitled to keep their financial affairs confidential - at some point in the future it may be pertinent to discuss wills, LPAs, etc, but if the parents are happy with keeping this to themselves for now, that's entirely their business and nobody else's....

It is, though, uncouth to discuss money and that definitely seems to be truer of the older generation.

It is helpful if the older generation find someone they can be sufficiently open with before the point is reached whereby they find managing their own finances overwhelming.

But OP doesn't make any suggestion that the parents are anywhere near that stage - after I'd posted that it struck me that (future) attorneys do need to be aware of LPA arrangements when set up, but for the broader financial circumstances there's no compelling need for anyone to disclose anything about pensions, wills, etc, until the time is right.

I'm sure you're right that older generations will often be more reserved about privacy, so the notion that OP 'needs to sort this out' was worthy of challenging IMHO!

Scrudgy

My dad shared nothing of his finances ever...... until my mum had passed away and dad became very immobile and needed lots of help. He then shared everything and me and my brother gained LPA. Until he needed help though, it was a black hole like OP says. 

I have told my kids everything, my salary, my pensions, the importance of saving, compounding, bored them to death with it all probably.

Grumpy_chap

eskbanker said:

there's no compelling need for anyone to disclose anything about pensions, wills, etc, until the time is right.

I'm sure you're right that older generations will often be more reserved about privacy, so the notion that OP 'needs to sort this out' was worthy of challenging IMHO!

I agree with you fully.

I also, from my experiences, fear that too many are too reserved until it is too late.  PoA etc are very difficult after that point.

Workerdrone

Grumpy_chap said:

eskbanker said:

there's no compelling need for anyone to disclose anything about pensions, wills, etc, until the time is right.

I'm sure you're right that older generations will often be more reserved about privacy, so the notion that OP 'needs to sort this out' was worthy of challenging IMHO!

I agree with you fully.

I also, from my experiences, fear that too many are too reserved until it is too late.  PoA etc are very difficult after that point.

We’ve just been through this with my in laws having to sort out his brother in law (dementia, then sister (also dementia). A heck of a lot of running around not helped by covid. That’s probably also playing on my mind

theoretica

A thought experiment here - if your children get enough financial help (either from you or inheritance from their grandparents) to have a great head start on their own pensions and mortgage free home - how would you hope they would feel/have as their own goals?  Can that inspire you in finding new purpose for yourself?

Workerdrone

theoretica said:

A thought experiment here - if your children get enough financial help (either from you or inheritance from their grandparents) to have a great head start on their own pensions and mortgage free home - how would you hope they would feel/have as their own goals?  Can that inspire you in finding new purpose for yourself?

That is a very good point. My children are adopted. Had a hell of a rough start in life, and I’m conscious of the effect intergenerational trauma has on families and how it echos down the generations, but it has made them incredibly kind empathetic and high eq. For them to have the freedom
from financial worry to be able to pursue a goal of making other peoples lives better would make me extremely proud. I will think long and hard on that point. Thank you

NlghtOwl

Great thread, the tricky issue that there is the potential of an inheritance lump sum but how do you plan your own finances when you don’t know when it will come or how big it will be and it feels awkward even thinking about unearned money as a result of loved ones dying. Also they may not be drawing down on assets in the right order, such as not drawing on (non DB) pension pots to reduce inheritance liability.

Probably best to: Carry on with your plans but not include the inheritance, encourage parents to review their will with involvement from children, encourage gifts to grandchildren. Of course It’s difficult to have the conversation without appearing like money grabbing offspring but better to get it sorted, even better to give some away than paying IHT. Good luck

GrubbyGirl_2

This is a very interesting thread and as someone who retired very comfortably 3 years ago at 60 I am very careful as to what financial information I share with others and for good reason.  I worked in the NHS in a field called Continuing Healthcare (CHC).  CHC is where people with very high health needs get all their care funded by the NHS and do not have to pay at all for care homes and home care.  CHC is hard to get as you have to have very high levels of health needs (not care needs and there is a big difference between the 2).  For 20 years I saw many families fight to get NHS CHC for their relative and be quite open about protecting their inheritance and in some cases to the detriment of their relative who they refuse to allow their money to be used for their care.

I don't have any children, but do have relatives who will inherit a significant estate, but they have no idea how much because I haven't shared that.  I've jumped a generation and left the majority of my money to children (ages 7-10) because their parents just don't need it.  However what I don't want is them making decisions about my care in the future because they have one eye on the money they won't get if I have to pay for my own care.  I don't think they would, I do think they would see it as my money to look after me, but unfortunately I've seen it so many times that the reality of inheritance do make family members make decisions that benefit themselves not the person they are making decisions for.

As far as I am concerned my money is MY money until I am dead and I see no need to share what I have with anyone including my family.  If I have to go into a care home I want to go into the best home and my house is to be sold to pay for it.  My family are completely aware of my wishes and are also completely familiar with the contents of my will, but not the financial amounts though they can make a judgement on the value of my house.  So I can be sure decisions are going to be made in my best interests if I am unable to make those decisions for myself and not because they want to protect my money I have appointed my best friend as my Lasting Power of Attorney.  I've seen how he has managed his mothers interests and made sure his mother's assets went to care for his mother.  I know he will absolutely act in my best interests because (he thinks) he has no financial benefit to make from his decisions.  He has no idea what's in my will apart from what I have told him about my estate being shared between 4 children.  What he doesn't know is that my estate is actually shared 6 ways to include him and a charity.  

Even if family members don't know the contents of your will, relatives will assume they will be getting some inheritance.  But people do have a reason to keep things private and those reasons will be different for different people.  I continue to save money, but also spend on whatever I want.  When I am no longer able to do things I don't want to have to worry about the ability to pay people to do things, so while your parents may be sitting on a large nest egg, they will have their reasons and those reasons are private to them

Albermarle

 I worked in the NHS in a field called Continuing Healthcare (CHC).  CHC is where people with very high health needs get all their care funded by the NHS and do not have to pay at all for care homes and home care.  CHC is hard to get as you have to have very high levels of health needs (not care needs and there is a big difference between the 2).  For 20 years I saw many families fight to get NHS CHC for their relative and be quite open about protecting their inheritance and in some cases to the detriment of their relative who they refuse to allow their money to be used for their care.

Interesting post, but to be fair people ( in my limited experience) also fight for CHC, as the funding is better than they would get from a council social care package, in the situation where they have limited assets. Also getting some CHC funding for nursing care at a care home, can make funding the care home fees a bit more affordable for those with some, but not huge assets. Just making the point that fighting for CHC funding is not always about greedy relatives. 

 I have appointed my best friend as my Lasting Power of Attorney.  I've seen how he has managed his mothers interests and made sure his mother's assets went to care for his mother.  I know he will absolutely act in my best interests because (he thinks) he has no financial benefit to make from his decisions.  He has no idea what's in my will .

This is a good point , also made earlier I think. You can appoint an attorney without them having  any knowledge or discussion of your current financial position. I think sometimes people link PoA/ wills/inheritance together in their mind, but it is a separate subject.

sevenhills

Scrudgy said:

My dad shared nothing of his finances ever...... until my mum had passed away and dad became very immobile and needed lots of help. He then shared everything and me and my brother gained LPA. Until he needed help though, it was a black hole like OP says. 

I have told my kids everything, my salary, my pensions, the importance of saving, compounding, bored them to death with it all probably.

I am open and talk about everything, but I still have paperwork from old share certificates. Very little is written down about my HL SIPP. It must be really difficult to know what online accounts people have and very confusing.