Lending money to Husband’s customer

5 Posts

Hi - I feel daft writing this but need to put it in black and white to try and get the emotion out of it.
Husband works in retail; has been dealing with single lady (never married/no children/no siblings/wider family) who’s around 60, recently lost her mother and is vulnerable herself with anxiety and some mental health problems.
Husband works in retail; has been dealing with single lady (never married/no children/no siblings/wider family) who’s around 60, recently lost her mother and is vulnerable herself with anxiety and some mental health problems.
Lovely lady apparently and often brings him in little gifts for our cats (she’s got a cat herself) and seems to really appreciate their chats as doesnt seem to have many others in her life (no mention of friends, just occasional church attendance, odd neighbour but nothing substantive etc).
She’s on some disabled benefits; very anxious very and doesn’t work. As her mother passed recently she’s selling her mums house for a few hundred thousand. She lives in a small flat herself. However she’s having to pay for conveyancjng; surveys; house insurance; council tax; utilities; clearing house etc etc whilst sale is going through.
Long story short - husband came home tonight and asked if I could lend her some money eg £1000.
She’s on some disabled benefits; very anxious very and doesn’t work. As her mother passed recently she’s selling her mums house for a few hundred thousand. She lives in a small flat herself. However she’s having to pay for conveyancjng; surveys; house insurance; council tax; utilities; clearing house etc etc whilst sale is going through.
Long story short - husband came home tonight and asked if I could lend her some money eg £1000.
I’ve never met the lady.
She sounds nice but really… I asked why not bank/loan/credit card etc but apparently she’s exhausted those options and is now ‘feeling suicidal’, crying and suffering with anxiety and depression.
I don’t want to see anyone suffer - and apparently it is just a cash flow problem before the sale goes through - but I have a number of concerns
I) I have no guarantee I’ll get my money back;
ii) what if sale drags on or falls through - will I have to give more money with no guarantees
iii) I don’t know this woman and that’s a big amount of money - I only have a few thousand in savings and am currently trying to help my boys through uni.
I asked why he couldn’t lend his own money but he’s worried it won’t look good with work as she’s a customer.
I) I have no guarantee I’ll get my money back;
ii) what if sale drags on or falls through - will I have to give more money with no guarantees
iii) I don’t know this woman and that’s a big amount of money - I only have a few thousand in savings and am currently trying to help my boys through uni.
I asked why he couldn’t lend his own money but he’s worried it won’t look good with work as she’s a customer.
Apparently (his suggestion) I could meet her and loan it as a ‘friend’ (that I just met for first time that day..,)
I obviously don’t want this lady to feel suicidal but surely there are other ways to raise money when selling properties - surely estate agencies etc can account for this when dealing with relatives where money is tight?
I feel a bit emotionally blackmailed into helping a completely unknown quantity with no guarantees and mental health issues. What if it backfires badly? I can’t afford to lose a thousand pounds. He also didn’t seemed phased when I suggested she might need more if sale drags on…
However, rather than just tell him to say no to a weeping lady I wanted to suggest an alternative (if there is one)? I can’t believe that if she’s going to inherit a few hundred thousand from the sale of her late mums house no allowance will be made eg paying costs/ bills from sale etc?
grateful for your thoughts/ advice.
I obviously don’t want this lady to feel suicidal but surely there are other ways to raise money when selling properties - surely estate agencies etc can account for this when dealing with relatives where money is tight?
I feel a bit emotionally blackmailed into helping a completely unknown quantity with no guarantees and mental health issues. What if it backfires badly? I can’t afford to lose a thousand pounds. He also didn’t seemed phased when I suggested she might need more if sale drags on…
However, rather than just tell him to say no to a weeping lady I wanted to suggest an alternative (if there is one)? I can’t believe that if she’s going to inherit a few hundred thousand from the sale of her late mums house no allowance will be made eg paying costs/ bills from sale etc?
grateful for your thoughts/ advice.
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If you and your husband keep separate finance tell him to give the £1000 to you to give to her if he wants to take the risk he will never see her again.
And if she speaks to the bereavement department for the utilities and explained the bills will be settled when the estate is settled they can put those bills on hold.
And she doesn’t pay for surveys, the buyer does. It does seem that she is either not understanding or exaggerating the issues.
It may be that she’s not aware of some of the above so your husband would be helping her more by directing her towards proper advice such as citizens advice.
If you do lend the money, and I wouldn’t, it must be in the expectation you will not see it back. If that’s okay then lend it, if it’s not then don’t.
Use your judgment.
Judging by your post you've answered your own question and posted to get it off your cheat IMO
Your choice, your money
Personally, it is a big no
Take care.
Before you spend, remember the MSE Money Mantras. Ask yourself, do I need it? Can I afford it? If the answer is NO to any of those questions, DON’T buy it. (Quote from MSE 15/11/22)
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Seems knee jerk to be requesting a large sum of money. I wouldn't lend the money.
I just hope he's not mentioned to this lady that he is going to ask you to lend her the money.
These are the key points (imho):
Never, ever lend anyone money that you can't afford to lose.
The idea of being asked to lend money to someone you've never met is beyond belief.
You also have other priorities for your savings.
Your children's educations come way before a stranger's needs.
I think you have every reason to be suspicious about being asked for more in the future given that she says she needs £1K and reading through the list of things she thinks need paying for.
I've not bought or sold many houses but the conveyancing costs were paid after the sale when the money was released.
Elsien has highlighted other things that she would not have to pay for.
She needs help to understand her situation, especially given she has mental health issues.
She should try Citizens Advice or maybe Age UK. Age UK say they help 'older people'. I'm not sure if they have a lower age limit but maybe worth checking.
Both organisations are easily found using Google.
Perhaps you could help this lady - if you really want to - by attending an appointment with her to ensure she asks the right questions and understands the answers.
And by asking her where she has got her (mis)information from.
She doesn't need to speak to a solicitor for reassurance, she can simply talk to her estate agent who will explain the entire process and the likely costs to her.
If she refuses to provide such an undertaking or gives excuses to not do so, you have your answer as to whether she is genuinely in need or is playing on your husband's kindness and your generosity.
(And for the avoidance of doubt, my advice is; don't loan her a penny.)
I think you are right to be concerned, did she ask for the money ? if so I think it might be wise for someone else at his work place to deal with this lady from now on. If he suggested it, I would be asking why he thinks you should lend a total stranger some money.