Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

janb5

Beautifully put KK - we have to stop self flagellation in our lives or needing to justify ourselves to others!

SecondStar

KajiKita said:

I think it's because I came to realise that every single one of these interactions with things that 'didn't spark joy' (like your mixing bowls), zaps another little bit of my energy, mainly mentally but also, over time, physically. It's like a death by 1,000,000 teeny-tiny cuts.  

There are some things that 'bug me' more than others - the sharp ended door handles that dig into my arms or back were the first to go as I am clumsy and walk into them or catch myself on them a lot. (Mr KK 'gets' this now ) But there are other things that I might be able to 'persuade myself' to be neutral about e.g. the mixing bowls, as they are functional. But, and this is important, be super-aware of whether these things are actually fully functional. I once had a set of plastic mixing bowls, for similar reasons as you. But they weren't FULLY functional for me - they contained ingredients and I could mix in them etc BUT they weren't stable enough for me - I found that they tip when I put the big hand whisk in them or I would knock them by mistake (told you I am clumsy!  ;-) ) and slop ingredients. So, in the end the plastic bowls were replaced by Perspex ones (not beautiful, but neutral (they live in a cupboard 90% of the time, so being plain glass was fine) AND fully functional for me, not energy zapping any more) and the plastic ones made their way out into the garage, garden, various other places until they were worn out.

I would remind you as well to look at your own signature:
‘When you only have two pennies left in the world, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will sustain life, the flowers will give you a reason to live.’
Why should you go without beauty and comfort, especially in your own home and sanctuary?

You won't replace everything at once, but work your way through them slowly, going from the ones that cause you the greatest dis-ease (I suspect memory-triggering ones like the kettle and the toaster will be high on that list as it reactivates your ex-husbands presence in your life) and working through to the ones that cause you the least. Your quality of life will improve more than you would think could be possible.

KK 

Thank you @kajikita , everything you’ve said makes complete sense, and is what I would tell a friend - it’s just hard to apply to yourself, sometimes!

You’re right that I do roll my eyes and get a little annoyed at the kettle & toaster. I also always have in the back of my mind that the tea and sugar jars I bought for myself also match the ones that my ex bought for himself too. Just little thoughts and reminders which don’t impact me in huge ways, and are forgotten as quickly as they come, but it’s definitely the ‘death by 1000 cuts’ that you described. Like a pebble being very slowly worn away by the sea.

Dis-ease is a good way of putting it too, that we all deserve to feel our most comfortable and comforted in our own homes. You’ve inspired me, thank you for sharing!

SecondStar

janb5 said:

Beautifully put KK - we have to stop self flagellation in our lives or neediing to justify ourselves to others!

10000% yes! There isn’t a competition on who can suffer, or withhold, or reject the most. There is no one giving out gold stars, or coming round your house with a clipboard.

We have to live with ourselves and our decisions, and that’s it - everyone else can go hang.

SecondStar

Spent a very pleasant Saturday afternoon with my viking pals, introducing a group of visiting American students to how the vikings processed and used wool. Very fun, and they were a lovely bunch.

Sunday was up at my partner’s - we cooked spaghetti, and baked a cheesecake together, and his dad gave me a fleece which he had thought I might like which was very touching. I’ve been invited up for a family BBQ & get together on Saturday, for an early Father’s Day celebration. I haven’t seen my useless, absent father since I was about 5, so it feels nice to be considered fondly and welcomed by my partner’s dad.

Today I’m stuck into decorating the bedroom. I borrowed my partner’s electric mitre saw, which has helped speed up the process of cutting the picture rail, skirting trim, and window trims. It’s taken longer than I expected to get it all cut and glued in place, but I’m about to start the very messy business of caulking everything. I had hoped to trim, caulk, AND sand/prime the woodwork today, but I’ll see how long the caulking takes to dry.

It looks good already - the bedroom is the last room with the landlord special white emulsion, it’ll be great to see the back of that!

SecondStar

Finishing up for the day - did manage to get all the woodwork primed with 1 coat, though the fresh mouldings and trim will want a 2nd coat in the morning.

After that, I’ve to nip out and buy the green paint for the bed area, and then paint the ceiling colours and the woodwork. Knackered already!

SecondStar

Yesterday I got the 2nd coat of primer onto the woodwork first thing, then went out for green paint. Ended up also buying a wardrobe 🤣🙈 In my defence, it was £10(!) and it’s a beautiful little vintage gentleman’s wardrobe, with a pretty wooden inlay in the shape of a sunburst. It has a hanging rail on one side, and shelves and drawers on the other side - very practical - along with its original fittings and key. It was made locally according to the plate on it, and whilst it’s a bit beaten up I think it gives it a lovely characterful patina.

I’ve had my set of cheapest IKEA pine drawers for 9 years, and whilst I spruced up the drawer fronts with blue wood paint when I first got them, I’ve never been overly attached to them - they were bought when I first moved into my rented house, and were very much a necessity rather than an aesthetic purchase! It’ll be nice to bring the wardrobe in as an intentional piece. 

Yesterday I also got the pink and green ceilings done, and all the coloured woodwork too. The green ceiling still needs another coat, which I’ll do tonight or tomorrow morning, and the radiator needs another going over, but it’s looking beautiful so far.



My partner had today off work, so I paused decorating so we could have a date day. After a much needed lie in, we went over to The Range so I could get a loooot of wallpaper paste for tomorrow, nipped around the charity shops in the town over, got coffee and hot chocolate, and then went to see How To Train Your Dragon - my partner has named credits in the film for doing prop work for Universal!

The film was very good, and the charity shops were a success - 2 dresses for £1 each, a picture frame for 50p, a ceramic mixing bowl & matching jug for £3.50 (I’m replacing the plastic ones which don’t spark joy!), 2 pretty floral pillow cases for £1, and a beautiful pair of pale yellow curtains with green and pink floral patterns on for £10. A wee bit dear for the curtains, but with some alterations to make them floor length, I think they’ll be perfect for curtaining off my bed nook area, and far cheaper than buying brand new material and making them up from scratch.

My lovely, wonderful, ever supportive partner is away home, with my 5ft long sideboard in the back of his Citroen Picasso. The sideboard is a member of my family - it originally belonged to my grandad, it was then inherited by my mum along with a few other matching bits of furniture. It moved house with us when we left England, and I’ve brought it with me in every house move since. It’s got wear and tear on it now, but I plan to keep it until I die. For the past 2 years I’ve wedged it into my tiny cottage, with varying degrees of success - it was my partner who originally suggested that it could live at his parent’s house, if need be. I was reluctant at first, but over time it’s seemed like the sensible option for now, until we live somewhere larger and I can be reunited with it. I’ve weaned myself off of it as storage for a few months, to make sure I don’t *need* it, and so now it will go and live comfortably and safely in their renovation project barn.

I’ve had people not understand at best, and openly ridicule at worst, my attachment to some of my furniture, and it’s been incredibly hurtful. But my partner always makes sure to express that the things which are important to me, are also important to him, and that he knows how much certain things mean to me. He is an absolute treasure.

KajiKita

That all sounds like fabulous progress on the decorating. The comment about the last of the landlord white made me smile … 😊 

The wardrobe sounds beautiful and I 100% understand about the sideboard. ❤️ My parents house is stuffed full of huge bits of large Victorian furniture and as an only child it’s likely I will end up with all of it. I have no idea what I will be able to do with any of it! 😉 Looking forward to hearing what will replace the chest of drawers (eventually! 😉). 

It is so cool that your OH got a credit in that film! 😊👏 😎 

KK

SecondStar

7 hours later, and the pink part of the bedroom is wallpapered! It took 3 and a bit rolls, and involved all the tricky bits - internal & external corners, 2 single doorframes, 1 double doorframe, and a light switch; and with a pattern to match, to boot.

In true 1960’s fashion, not a damn angle in this house is straight. Thankfully the pattern is a meandering sort, rather than anything involving straight lines, and so I got away with the final few drops being somewhat on the wonk. I think it looks beautiful!

I finished up around 5pm with a sore head and an even more sore back, and resolved to not do any more work today. I rallied after dinner and a sit down and thought I might as well start on the beadboard wallpaper for the bed nook, after all I’ve nothing else to be doing. Unwrapped the first roll, and found out that it’s paste-the-paper wallpaper, rather than the paste-the-wall stuff I’ve been using so far - I don’t own a pasting table, and I’ve no clue how to paste a length of wallpaper!

So tonight has been downgraded to more YouTube to learn how to paste and fold lengths of paper, and a quick trip to Screwfix in the morning to obtain a cheap pasting table. Also need to call the charity shop and see how much it will cost to have the wardrobe delivered, as I don’t think it’ll fit in my car, and my partner doesn’t have another day off during the week for a while.

So far I have 1 roll of pink paper to return, along with the jointing tape and bucket of filler I didn’t end up using. I think I should have at least 1, maybe 2, pots of wallpaper paste to return as well, and maybe 1 roll of beadboard paper, depending on how well it goes tomorrow. At least the beadboard doesn’t have a pattern to match!

However I may end up needing a 2nd tub of F&B green paint, as the coverage is not what I had expected for a luxury brand paint if I’m honest, and it’ll take at least 2 coats to paint over the texture of the beadboard paper. If I break even on my spending between returns & extra paint, I’ll be happy.

New_in_the_fens

There are lots of people including professional decorators who complain about F&B coverage and quality. I was going to use it for my kitchen cabinets, but in the end got the colour mixed in B&Q - excellent match and had no issues with the paint. But then others love it, so you have to go with your gut!

You have been so productive with the painting and decorating! Well done for getting stuck in - you should be very proud of yourself 😀

SecondStar

Beadboard paper is up, took about 5 hours, and 2 and a bit rolls - means I can’t return a roll, but never mind. It was easier not to have to pattern match, but pasting the paper is a chore I don’t fancy doing again! Plus the texture of the paper made it really hard to trim without snagging, so I’m hoping that the green paint covers its multitude of sins.

I’ll admit to not being excited about painting it. I practised on a sample of the paper with the green paint tester pot, and it’s a lot of work using a brush since the roller doesn’t get into the texture properly. I had hoped to be finished by Sunday to spend 1 day enjoying it before being back to work, but we’ll see!