Could my mum's reckless action (failure to take any action) actually cause physical harm to anyone??

sevenhills

Anonymous868 said:

However having spent many years working professionally in the Mental-Health sector myself, I know that sadly there is nothing that will actually get done, until/unless a severe personal-emergency occurs with her.

I guess you don't class the damage already caused to the empty house and possibly the neighbours house a personal crisis.
It would be a crisis for me, but if she owns numerous other houses and has a large amount of wealth, it's just a blip.

elsien

Back in May, your thread was about properties and assets belonging to you later Father and a will that hadn’t been administered. What happened about that? Because you’re talking about this as if it’s all your mother’s responsibility but if everything is still going through probate is that actually the case?
Just clarifying whether there is an executor or administrator who still has a role somewhere in all of this, or whether the property has now been formally transferred to your mother?

Ditto the thread you posted in September where Mum was not wanting to take action. This is clearly a follow-up to that but has anything else happened in the meantime with regard to support for your mother and any queries about her mental health?  Just so people aren’t duplicating what has already been tried.

TBagpuss

OP, I am sure that t must be stressful - the bottom line is tht you can't force her to do anything. The neighbours to the house will be able to take stesp if the issues are causing problems from them - they would be able to claim on their own insurance, who would then no doubt pursue ytour mum (via her insurers if she has any) 

IF the abandonment of the hosue cuases issue, of if the arrears of council tax get too high, the council may step in to pursue her and I belive can apply for a compulsory purchase order if the houe is abandoned for long enough or is causing a nusiance. 

If your mother is sole executor of your father's estate it's up to her whether she takes any action. If you are a abeneficiary you might be able to do something - you'd need to take advice about the necessarry stps.

You can ask your mother whether she would like to sign a Power of Attorney to allow you (or a differnt person as attoney if she prefers) to deal with matters on her behalf, but unless she loses mentalcapacity you can't force her. Peopleare, generally speaking, free to make unwise choices, and even to be bad neighbours up to a point.

You could, if you wished, check on the land Registery wether your mother's current address is shown as the address of the owner of the house, if not, then you could let the neighbours have her current address so they can contact her about any issues, but you don't have to.

It sounds as bit as though she may have let the insurance lpse and/or invalidated it by not notfying them the hosue was empty, so she may be hiding her head in the sand becaue she knows it's going to be a very expensive mistake. 

kazwookie

OP your mother needs help, contact GP /SS etc.

Then you and other family members need to step up and start doing things to help, as your mother seems incapable from what you have said.

Start being proactive and get things moving, after all your father has been passed for a few years sorry for your loss

london21

Looks like your mother needs help.

Even taking the property out for now for her well-being and quality of life.

Someone that is not functioning ok, doubt property is on her mind or priority.

It will be easier to sell the property before it gets really bad and more debt letters such as council tax, utility company etc.

But first she needs to seek help from the GP, social services or some type of institution.

Then when she is better can move forward, or if she does not have the capacity to make those decision then might need to delegate to someone who can be trusted to make decisions for her. 

RhondaD

As far as the house goes you're going to have to take a step back. It's between her and the neighbours if damage is caused to their house as a result of her negligence. Let them take action against her themselves if they have to. You've tried reasoning and she just won't listen. Unfortunately unless she can be proven to be suffering some sort of mental illness, she's going to have to deal with the consequences of her own negligence and will probably lose the house the way she's carrying on. She will only be able to ignore the summons and demands for so long before she's forced to listen to the authorities. 

Anonymous868

elsien said:

Back in May, your thread was about properties and assets belonging to you later Father and a will that hadn’t been administered. What happened about that? Because you’re talking about this as if it’s all your mother’s responsibility but if everything is still going through probate is that actually the case?
Just clarifying whether there is an executor or administrator who still has a role somewhere in all of this, or whether the property has now been formally transferred to your mother?

Ditto the thread you posted in September where Mum was not wanting to take action. This is clearly a follow-up to that but has anything else happened in the meantime with regard to support for your mother and any queries about her mental health?  Just so people aren’t duplicating what has already been tried.

Hello, in regards to will of my father (who died nearly 3-years ago now), unfortunately I personally have STILL not recieved a single penny of the £108,000 which I was meant to.


As per that thread, my sister & mother initially encouraged the original executors to relinquish their roles, so my sister could take-over the position.

• My sister did virtually nothing for 2-years / My mother sent her countless messages & emails requesting status-updates + (at my frustrated request) asking my sister to relinquish, so a professional solicitor could be appointed as executor.
  
  My mother however backed-out at the last-minute everytime my sister agreed (in anger) to relinquish :: And instead told her to continue if it'd make her happy, but to provide updates.
  
  
  
• After 2-years of monthly arguements between my mother & sister (repeating the same cycle as above), we discovered that my sister had never actually officially become the executor to start with...
  As when the original executors relinquished, by default my mother became executor.
  
  At this point I told my mum to simply just appoint a professional solicitor as the executor/or administrator, so the matter could finally be sorted & finished.
  
  My mother however decided to ''do absolutely nothing'' for 2-months (making various statements such as ''lets just see what happens'' / ''give me time'' / ''everything will be ok, you all have enough money'')... ect
  Before finally agreeing (to my sister) to relinquish her own role, so my sister could again become executor - Basing her decision to do this on the fact that a solicitor would cost 10-12k, but so we could save the money, plus as my sister had apparently already done alot of work it would be 'rude' to take the role away from her!
  
  I tried explaining to my mum how reckless & foolish a decision that was, and that making my sister executor again would simply bring the exact same outcome as previously :: But she just ignored me.
  
  
  

Nearly 1-year has now passed since then, and ofcourse nothing as been done regarding processing the will / when my mum sends the occassional email to my sister asking for an update it just gets ignored or fobbed off.
*Neither of them particularly care, as they both have 6-figure bank-balances of their own | I am the only one who has a working-class job, and so who 108k would be life-changing for!

Whilst I blame them both for having done this to me...
I only have 1 life :: Therefore rather than spending everyday continuing to dwell in anger at them for blocking me getting a life-changing amount of money that my dad wanted to leave me after he died, I just try focusing on building my own life & my own happiness, without them or the money.

#

In regards to this property, it had been jointly owned by my mother & father, therefore upon his death 100% ownership of it automatically transferred to her.

Anonymous868

RhondaD said:

As far as the house goes you're going to have to take a step back. It's between her and the neighbours if damage is caused to their house as a result of her negligence. Let them take action against her themselves if they have to. You've tried reasoning and she just won't listen. Unfortunately unless she can be proven to be suffering some sort of mental illness, she's going to have to deal with the consequences of her own negligence and will probably lose the house the way she's carrying on. She will only be able to ignore the summons and demands for so long before she's forced to listen to the authorities. 

I have tried explaining this to her - However she refuses to listen to anything people tell her.

I warned her for months & months that if she wished to remain the owner (of an empty house), rather than selling it and then having that money in her own bank account (like myself & the estate-agent advised her was the only logical option)...
She would need to contact the insurance company & update them that it was empty, Plus would need to contact the council and setup an arrangement to pay council-tax.

Her response was always just that she would do these things when she felt ready to do so, but for the time-being she just wanted to ''give everything time''.

(My own mental-health started to decline due to how stressful it became trying to reason with someone who's like that | Hence I had to withdraw from any involvement for my own personal sanity!)

#

The council have issued her a bill for council-tax arrears (to her residential address), but she is just ignoring it...
Plus if it's ever mentioned she ''blames me for having reported her to the council, for being liable to pay council-tax''.

(I explained to her that it's a legal obligation of every home-owner, nothing something someone else can ''report for you'', but in her mind if she thinks/believes something, no matter how much evidence is put infront of her, she will never change her belief)


#

And in regards to this issue with the property...
She has said (this morning) she is not intending on taking any action to pay for the repair work, as she isn't prepared to pay-out money for that work to be done.

I explained to her that the damage isn't going to just magically go away or repair itself, and so the longer she tries to ignore it the worse & more expensive it will become for her | And eventually she will be forced to pay-up for it, as the council will become involved.
She again just decended into ''accusing me of causing problems for her by reporting her to the council'' / Combined with saying ''If I had any confidence I would go get the will-money I am owed from my sister, rather than targeting her by reporting her to the council!''
(But due to years & years of experience dealing with conflict for my job, I don't rise to bait such as this)


Then at 9pm tonight the neighbour phoned me...
Complaining that we had never returned to the property over the weekend to update him on the situation / that no repair-work had started, Plus stating that issues were now starting to occur on his property (which shares a wall).

I politely explained to him that I personally have no involvement in the property, instead my mum is the sole owner, and so is fully responsible & liable for any/all issues, but so I would provide him her mobile-number so he could contact her directly about any issues.

*I notified her of his call, gave her his number, and advised her that he would likely be in-contact with her due to further issues which were now arising & impacting his property.
Her response to me notifying her of this was: ''Tell him to put anything he has to say to me in writing, as I don't respond to phone-calls''.


#


From my side I have made it perfectly clear to her that I wish to have no involvment whatsoever in any aspect of this problem / or any of her other problems.

These have all arisen due to her refusing to follow advice which she has been given (by myself & other people), and so she now has to start facing the consequences of her actions / failure-to-act.

(Her tactic is subsequently to try manipulating me into feeling sorry for her, and feel guilty about refusing to help her now though :: Which is horrible for me to have to endure emotionally!)

Flugelhorn

you just have to walk away - it is not your problem

pickledonionspaceraider

Woah Woah woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh OP

Your words do not match your actions = you say 'you are done helping her' .....

But you are all over her problems like a rash!   You are *making* her problems, become your own.  Your decline in your mental health is due to the fact that you are trying to control issues and people - and when they are not doing things the way you would, this has a knock on effect to your mental well being. 

The above sounds like I am having a pop at you, but really I am not - as I used to be like this and I made myself very unwell attempting to solve other peoples problems and your words sound like I used to be

You cannot control problems NOR other peoples reaction to issues or problems - and none of the above is YOUR actual issue, you are making it so - do you see what I mean?  

You really do need to back off.  Stop running around to the empty house dealing with neighbours, they are NOT the actions of a person who is 'done helping'.

LEAVE HER TO IT. I say again, you really have got to LEAVE HER TO IT, as you will end up like this forever

If this house issue is sorted out, it will be something else - and then the next thing, and then the next...it'll be one thing after another.... you really have got to live for YOU and put yourself first.  

Surrender control.  Just leave it.  Surrender the attachment issue you have for seizing control, as you are just going round in circles, but blaming everyone else.

Trust me, part of the problem is your response to the problem - so the problem is not the problem anymore.....the problem (for you) now - is your response to the problem.

'I only have 1 life'.... Yes you do.  Go and live it and move away from this extremely unhealthy headspace you are in.  Get counselling, whatever.

It is not on you to solve the worlds problems, and it can be frustrating to see others not dealing with things the same way we feel they should, but that is their life, their problem

Nothing you can say or do, is going to change your Mum.  Nothing.