Could my mum's reckless action (failure to take any action) actually cause physical harm to anyone??

Anonymous868

MalMonroe said:

Anonymous868 said:

MikeJXE said:

You need to chill, it's your mothers house and her choice. Try to encourage her instead of pushing. 

Yes, it is her choice what she chooses to do/not do (and providing no-one else is impacted by her action :: I quite smply don't care anymore what she does)...

My concern however is if her failure-to-act could result in the people who live in the house nextdoor being at risk of physical harm / damage occuring to their property?

(As my mother's choices have already caused alot of concern & disruption to them)

If your Mum's neighbours are at all concerned, they will have to step up and take appropriate action of their own. Sounds like your Mum can't be reasoned with but if the neighbours take some kind (any kind) of action she will have to do something. 

They were initially very concerned that night (they saw inside the property and were concerned of structural damage to the walls / water seeping through to their property / the fact that the ice coldness of the flood water in the house was causing their nextdoor house to be very cold)...
But I told them that we would get the repair-person to come within the next 48-hours.

So they probably are now assuming that repair work has taken place... Thus are very unlikely to 'take any action' of their own now, until/unless another emergency actually occurs.

Wyndham

Oh, this sounds awful, really feel for you OP!

It may be a reaction to grief - 3 years isn't very long to 'get over' the end of a long marriage. She may need some sort of help in this area?

In terms of the house, it is legally hers, and up to her what happens. Is there still a mortgage on it? If so, the mortgage company may get involved at some point - but only if they are informed. In terms of insurance, given what you've said, are you sure that the premiums have been paid and insurance is still in force? Even if it is, if she didn't inform them it was empty then she is likely in breach of the conditions (sorry, but I needed to say that).

I don't really know what to advise in terms of how to sort this out. But I do know that you are right to monitor your own mental health. Do take care!

tightauldgit

It does sound like your mother needs some help of one sort or another but I'm afraid there probably isn't much you can do about it. In your shoes, I would probably make a call to social services, explain your concerns and see what, if anything they can do. 

Beyond that, the neighbours may be able to get the council to intervene if her actions are causing them problems but that's really their call to make. 

Have you sat down and had a conversation with your mother about your concerns? Not a complaining session about why she doesn't do X Y and Z but tell her you are worried about her and the way she is acting and that it's causing a lot of problems for everyone. if she really doesn't care and doesn't want to get any help then as sad as it may sound the only solution may simply be to leave her to get on with it and cut her out of your life. 

marycanary

Did your dad always do the life admin like sort out insurance and deal with council tax? If Mum has only found sorting things out difficult since she was widowed perhaps she is depressed and a visit to the GP for help might be a good idea.

If the house next door is damaged by conditions at your mum's they could go to the council to complain of a statutory nuisance. The council should then take action. In any event, the council will be after her for not paying council tax. They will not go away and their persistence may resolve the issue.

theoretica

Unfortunately yes, trouble can move from one house to another if they share a wall - for instance a neighbour of mine learnt they had dry rot when their adjoining house had a survey. And collapsing buildings can be even worse.  Her neighbours really ought to consult their own insurers about this.  Most councils also have schemes to try to return homes to habitable use - probably a webpage to fill in details. 

herebeme

Firstly my deepest sympathies on your situation. Dealing with parents who no longer act as we once knew them to is incredibly hard. 

If you have concerns about the structural stability of the property you can inform the council. https://www.gov.uk/report-dangerous-building-structure Note the council will recharge costs to the owner and are likely to go to court for outstanding amounts owed. But if the fire-brigade say it’s structurally stable then there’s probably not much more the council can or will do, unless issues develop down the line. 

You can also write to to her GP and flag your concerns about her behaviour and mental health, give a brief summary then time-stamped notes covering the key events in the last 3 years. You could even say that if your mother does agree to a GP consultation she is likely to just not bother turning up to the appointment so it would be better to have a mental health practitioner do a home visit.  She may have severe depression for example which could explain the apathy. But the GP won’t be able to tell you the outcome of any action they take, call or meeting. 

But there is nothing wrong with saying you’ve done all you can and stepping away. (You’re probably going to end up involved again anyway at the point where failure to pay council tax and failure of bailiffs to find anything of value in the flooded house leads to more serious consequences for your mother.) 

FindMyWayBack

She is definitely in some sort of mental denial/freeze/fear. I would contact her Doctor and tell them the whole story. Hopefully they will get a social worker on the case. This is not rational behaviour, she needs evaluating so someone else can take over.

Anonymous868

Hello, and thankyou.

I am prepared to try going down the route of contacting our family GP, and providing them all the info on her...
However having spent many years working professionally in the Mental-Health sector myself, I know that sadly there is nothing that will actually get done, until/unless a severe personal-emergency occurs with her.

*As ultimately even if I manage to get a home-visit for her from a community mental-health team, as she refuses to accept the severeity of her actions, she will simply deny/play-down everything.
(And due to budget-contraints, unless a patient is an emergency, they are an extremely low priority for any form of on-going treatment)


I will nonetheless contact my local NHS service and inform them of the situation.

FindMyWayBack

Anonymous868 said:

Hello, and thankyou.

I am prepared to try going down the route of contacting our family GP, and providing them all the info on her...
However having spent many years working professionally in the Mental-Health sector myself, I know that sadly there is nothing that will actually get done, until/unless a severe personal-emergency occurs with her.

*As ultimately even if I manage to get a home-visit for her from a community mental-health team, as she refuses to accept the severeity of her actions, she will simply deny/play-down everything.
(And due to budget-contraints, unless a patient is an emergency, they are an extremely low priority for any form of on-going treatment)


I will nonetheless contact my local NHS service and inform them of the situation.

I know what you mean there.
What about social services? Could you tell them about the effect on you and the neigbours etc. ?

herebeme

You are right. There’s likely nothing will be done until crisis crunch point unless she accepts offered help. 

And even if she does (eventually) accept an appointment (maybe with more hours/days/weeks of effort on your part), and get a prescription (more days/weeks/months to get her to fill it or let you pick it up for her). She may still not take the meds at the end of it.  I’ve been there got the T-shirt with my mother and it’s just beyond exhausting.