Money Moral Dilemma: Should I send Christmas cards to my partner's family who don't send them to us?

JayD

Is there no other way of wishing them a Merry Christmas? An email, a text or even a phone call from your partner

, saying that given the rising prices and Royal Mail strikes, you thought it would be nice to send your greeting to them personally this year and to catch up with them, as its been so long since you were all together. This could be a pleasant and less expensive way of keeping in touch.

706fpp

Send a card, and as someone has already said a cheap one BUT add your address and phone number with the greeting, just to embarrass them into a reply,  if no reply then maybe delete from your list. It's so easy to lose contact with people even in this high-tec communication times, so maybe give it one more go. It's surprising how people think "I'll contact them later" and months / years go by before they do.

honestcove

If you are really bothered about them, checking they are still at the same address or even still alive is something you could do.

Pollycat

NBLondon said:

1) Tell your partner to buy and send cards to his family if he wants to or he is worried about losing contact

+1 to this.

mccueam

Unless there are very good reasons, like they're very short of money, they are being lazy / selfish. Don't waste your time, effort, and money. 

JaneHenery

No you shouldn't send them cards, UNLESS you want to do it, just for yourself. At the moment, you are caretaking your husband's relationship with his family. Why? I'm serious, you should ask yourself why. Your husband obviously does not have a close relationship with his family; you don't see them, they don't keep in touch and they can't even be bothered doing the civil thing and returning a simple card. I think their attitude has been made very plain here, but you are trying to rewrite them, and possibly your husband, to be different people. Let them go. If they want to keep in touch, they will. If your husband needs or wants to see his family, that is your husband's responsibility, not yours. Far too many women do this, caretaking everyone's relationships as if it was their duty. It isn't. Give yourself a break, and concentrate on people who genuinely care about you. 

primrose_penguin

The cost of postage plus the fact you don't know if the cards will arrive by Christmas due to the strikes this year have to be taken into account. If you want to send your partners family cards why don't you just send to his immediate family i.e. parents/brothers/sisters/grandparents, otherwise perhaps you could send them a newsy email if you have their email addresses. Some people don't send Christmas cards, I send to a couple of people knowing I won't get a card back, but do it because I want to. I would not stress about it, have a chat to your partner and see what he thinks, although if he is anything like my husband nobody would get one, he leaves it up to me !!

Chris_Jay

It's occurred to me that when I first got married in early seventies, it became my job to take over the family correspondence, and was considered normal - remember, women weren't encouraged to work outside the home then, and the assumption was that they had both time and inclination to write to the in-laws as well as their own parents. Mine lived very near to me, but his were a long way away, and his mother didn't like me - not good enough for precious son, so it very hard to know what to say.

Times change, and men might grumble that they're no good at it, but like all skills, it can be learnt; let him decide. Don't make it an issue, just withdraw peacefully.

Agent57

Why are you sending cards to your partner's family?
Are you sure they are still alive / at the same address?
Do they know your current address?
Do you see / hear from them at other times of year?

Why is this a dilemma?  If you don't want to send them, then don't.

Put a return address label on your cards and see what happens but I wouldn't keep sending them if you don't hear anything from them at any time of year.

Maybe they have opted out and give to charity instead although I don't see the link.

If you want to send cards, then send them.
If you want to give to charity, then give to charity.
or both
or neither

The choice is entirely up to you but they are separate decisions.

AgeingHippytoo

Use the excuse of the postal strikes to make contact by phone. They may be happy to hear from you. Email or Facebook may be another option if you don’t have a phone number. Years ago I made contact with my husbands uncle who at some time had fallen out with my father in law. They then started seeing each other on a regular basis.