Money Moral Dilemma: Should I send Christmas cards to my partner's family who don't send them to us?

Cambsmum

If you have phone numbers, send them a virtual Christmas message or set up a family WhatsApp to open up a group conversation.

gamblek

I cannot understand why sending Christmas cards is dependent on whether you receive one back. It's an altruistic action enacted because you want to do it. Many people don't send Christmas cards but that doesn't mean they don't appreciate the sentiment behind receiving one. 

Andiev1

No. If your partner wants to send a card, let him. I give what I would’ve spent on cards and stamps to charity every year. All my friends and family know this. I don’t mind if that means I don’t receive many cards. I know that my money is doing some good for those in need and I’m not adding to my recycling.

squirrel59

Hi, just a question here. Why is the decision up to you and not your husband? If he wants you to keep sending Xmas cards to his family, then do. If he doesn't, then don't.

grassmarket

We can’t possibly offer a valid opinion - without knowing the circumstances behind this. If absolutely none of his family send cards - that sounds like a conscious decision, which perhaps isn’t helped by you keep sending them. If you don’t know of any particular circumstances, then the person to ask is your partner. If he wants to keep sending the cards, then carry on & ask him to help. If he’s not bothered, then only carry on if it matters to you. 

The decision to send cards is ours alone - we don’t have to do it, so no reason to complain if we don’t get one back. As a general rule, I’ll always send to any elderly/vulnerable friends/relatives (if I think they would like one) - no matter if they send or not. Otherwise I’ll just send to the people I choose - again, whether they send or not. 

If they claim to have ‘gone digital’, or to ‘give to charity’ instead - I’ll keep sending my own card if I want. It’s a good way to politely enquire which charity they’re donating to this year - gives them a little nudge to keep it up!

ljmuk

There are some good e-card websites where you can choose from 100s of cards all the year round by paying a small fee to join. All you need are their email addresses.

confusedgranny

I only posted 3 cards this year, one to someone who I know prefers them and 2 to people without email. And I'll take one with me when visiting a 101 yr old friend. Other than that I chose cards from Christmas eCards | Send Online for Charity | DontSendMeACard.com, make a donation, change the greeting in each card or group of cards before sending, and include a newsletter / year summary.
They suggest donating the cost of posting and buying cards, but the tick box starts at £2, and for that you can send 100 of that design (just discovered I've still got cards from previous years). I choose the designs I like, donating more to the charity I want to give most to.

I liked the suggestion of putting a note in this years card saying you are stopping (postage costs, climate crisis, waste, etc). Ask them to email you their electronic contact details so that you can continue to keep in touch.

I've just received a card from "Anne" saying she's just become a grandma. I suspect it's from my cousin, though she doesn't usually send cards, might be from a dance friend I met 20 years ago. Or some other Anne. No way of telling.

ldb46

If your partner's family are anything like me, they'll appreciate him not sending them any more cards.  I don't send them and consider the ones people insist on sending me a waste of their time and their money.  If the cards contained any useful information (other than that the sender is still alive) it might be different, but the bog standard "Have a great Christmas" isn't at all interesting - to me, at least.

Jacjasper

Katiehound said:

Save the cost of the cards, the cost of the postage and make a donation to charity instead, they are really only expensive bits of tatt and this year who needs that??

If your husband wants to keep in touch with them I suggest he writes them a letter but at a different time of year, maybe then he will get a reply.

A great idea, Katie I'm going to donate to a local dogs charity money I've saved. Also considering how much poverty there is in all areas I personally think there's better ways to spend money. Merry Christmas and hopefully a better New Year 2023 to all.

THV

Stop sending cards. With Royal Mail on strike - there's no guarantee they'd get there.  Or if you really want to send a card - send it with no stamp on and let them moan about paying the postage.