Money Moral Dilemma: Should I send Christmas cards to my partner's family who don't send them to us?

ripongrammargirl

If you have had zero contact with these relatives in several years then I would say they have either died, moved house or just don’t care to keep in touch, in which case stop bothering to try, especially with postage etc being stupid prices and it won’t arrive anyway.
I have sent cards all my life to relatives (I have not had any friends for years since I became disabled and they all disappeared) but my list is getting shorter every year with people passing on to a much better place. 

I always make my own using previous Christmas cards (great for recycling and the planet) and post them the last couple of weeks in November to ensure they arrive, especially this year. 

Inmyopinion

Personally I don’t send cards, or give presents, expecting to receive something in return. 

I buy cards in the sales after Christmas to save some money but obviously there’s nothing you can do about postage costs but I start buying stamps a couple of months before to spread the cost. 

I’m presuming you don’t have any of their email addresses, otherwise you could send an e-card or a short email greeting instead. 

Would you know if they still live at the same address?  I mention this because I’ve lived in my house for 18 years and still receive cards from two people for the previous owners and after 5 or so years I opened the cards to see if there was a return address which unfortunately there wasn’t. 

It sounds to me that you still want to send cards, so I’d say trust your feelings. 

elizabethhull

Unlike a lot of people here, I love sending cards, and the ones I receive make a cheerful house decoration. You can't put up an e-card and it offers no cheer beyond the few seconds of reading it.
I keep a careful list of all recipients and whether they reciprocate. Unless eg in a nursing home, where I send indefinitely, you generally get 3 years grace before I seriously consider dropping someone. And if someone (who had been dropped) unexpectedly sends one year, they get the 3 years again !!! This is just me - xmas is a time of goodwill to family & friends, some of whom I haven't seen for over 40 years, but their (and hopefully our) annual good wishes bring warmth and memories.
If my husband was like yours, I would ask him what he wanted, and discuss the matter (why do people on this forum NEVER discuss things with the relevant people ???
Donating to charity seems to me a poor excuse not to bother with the effort of writing. Donate AS WELL, just a bit, use 2nd class stamps and cheap cards (or make your own) to save money if necessary.

Shebear

I agree that it is his family and it is not your responsibility to keep the relationship going if they plainly are not interested. Save your money. I personally would try to keep open, should they decide to contact me in future, but there's no point in pursuing them. 

diystarter7

No............
Thanks

gloriouslyhappy

elsien said:

As I regularly point out to male siblings, being in possession of dangly bits doesn’t mean they can’t make the effort to send their own cards if they would like to do so.
Ditto remembering birthdays.
Ditto remembering Mother’s Day.
Ditto remembering anniversaries.
Ditto remembering and acting upon any significant event for their side of the family.

Priceless! Add in - plan, buy and wrap presents for your family and your partner..

gloriouslyhappy

I'm using the postal strike as an opportunity to seriously prune my card list. Only people I won't see over the holidays, and oldies without emails, will get one. Instead of buying lots of cards from my favourite charities, I'll buy other things from their shops instead. Hope others will do that too so they don't lose vital revenue.

Marcon

This isn't a dilemma; it's a simple choice, although a lot of people seem to be making heavy weather of it!

elizabethhull said:

Unlike a lot of people here, I love sending cards, and the ones I receive make a cheerful house decoration. You can't put up an e-card and it offers no cheer beyond the few seconds of reading it.

Depends on the quality of the card. Fabulous cards at https://www.jacquielawson.com

For a modest annual sub you can send as many as you like, with no postage costs. Plenty of cheer in opening the card and watching the animations time and again - they are brilliant. Pick a card which includes some sort of game and the recipient could get lots of fun from that, too!

jenniewb

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I love sending Christmas cards, and always send them to my partner's family, who we don't often see or hear from. It's been years since any of them sent us a card, and with cash tight this year, I'm starting to think I'm wasting my money as it's not cheap to buy and send cards to them all. But it doesn't seem in the Christmas spirit to stop sending them because we don't get anything back, and I worry about my partner losing contact with his family.

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I wouldn't. This year sending a card is upwards of £1 (if you get a mega cheap card and use 2nd class) and can be up to £5 for a really nice card sent first class. I've had to stop sending cards to many people, for me if I'm not getting a card back I assume one of two things they don't want one from me and are sending the message by not remembering to send one to me, or that they can't afford to send me one back in which case I'm rubbing salt in the wound and making them feel worse by repeatedly sending cards from my end.

Stop the cards! If they value them, then they can let you know and there's always next year, otherwise they've made their choices and are waiting for you to play catch up with the indirect message. 

addyann

What contact?  Its all one way.  Stop sending the cards.  If they get in touch to find out why, then there is still contact. If they dont you've saved yourself the hassle
PS I Love sending cards, and still swap with some people I never see, but I expect a card in return!