Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay me exactly what she owes me for tickets?

MSE_Kelvin Posts: 332
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MSE Staff
edited 22 November 2022 at 4:25PM in Theatre, concert & events tickets
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I've a new friend that I go to concerts with. I usually book the tickets, then send her the booking confirmation with the cost. But when she pays me back, she rounds down the amount - so if her ticket cost £53, she'll transfer me £50. While individually they're small amounts, it's starting to add up. Should I mention it - I don't want to jeopardise this friendship, as I rely on her as my concert companion?

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  • cymruchris
    cymruchris Posts: 4,883
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    I would ask if your friend contributes to the partnership in any other way? Petrol or transport costs? Meals when you're out and about? Or in general is everything 50/50 - if everything else is equally shared, then I would certainly mention it if it was for more than a couple of times a year. I think if it totalled a difference of around £15 a year - I wouldn't worry about it - but if it was more like £50 a year or more - then I would. It depends on how much the difference is, over what timescale. 
    An ex-bankrupt on a journey of recovery. Feel free to send me a DM reference credit building credit cards from the usual suspects :) Happy to help others going through what I've been through!
  • It’s not the amount, it’s the principle.  Personally I would never round down nor would I expect others to. I agree with 13zero8, she will start to round down other things as well.  Gently remind her of the full cost of the ticket and ask her to transfer it directly to your account, then she has no excuse. 
  • Obird63
    Obird63 Posts: 10
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    I have a friend who routinely orders considerably more expensive items than I do at restaurants and then expects to split the bill but she never subs anything back. Over the years I'd say I have overpaid hundreds and it was really starting to affect my view of our (very long) friendship. I finally put a stop to it this year and feel so much happier about the friendship.

    If you have been upfront about the cost of the concert (or whatever) beforehand then your friend has the opportunity to say that she doesn't want to go or it's too expensive so if she has agreed to go and pay for her ticket, that is exactly what she should do. Money is too tight these days to be 'stealth spending' in this way. 

     I'd say you have a few choices: as JGB1955 says, you could ask her to get the next one and then round down your repayment. If nothing else, at least it will spark a conversation.

    Or, you could simply present her with the maths and point out how much you are out. Explain that you simply can't afford it. 

    Or, you could just tell her next time she does it what the amount actually was and tell her that's what she needs to pay back.

    Or, you could just do what I've done in the restaurant situation and say that from now on, you will each buy your own tickets.

    Or you could go on your own or join an interest group where you can all go to the concerts as individuals but 'together'... 
  • I’m so glad most are rounding up. If not, are they paying for parking, drinks, driving to the venue? Even before the current situation I’d have gone the extra mile to be sure the person who did the purchasing was paid back and then some. (If you’ve been in a ticketing queue lately, you’ll understand the need for additional compensation!)
  • I had a friend who would do that to me, and initially I let it go, as she's a pensioner, until I began to notice that she could always afford weekly visits to the hairdresser, to have her hair washed and set, and a manicure every three weeks. I can't afford those things, and I became very unhappy about it, and, I'm ashamed to admit, rather resentful. I'm also a pensioner. When the final straw happened, I didn't handle it well and the friendship died on the spot. Hindsight is a wonderful thing... Is your friend doing anything similar, to your knowledge? You say she's a new friend - is that because she's new to the area or workplace, or because she didn't move in your circle until recently?
    As has been said already, the small amounts do add up, and concerts and shows aren't a cheap night out. I suggest you weigh up how long you can subsidise her before you get too resentful to have the conversation in a calm fashion. And you do need to have the conversation! Please don't do what I did! It's deeply distressing all round.
    I'd also reiterate comments above - find a new friend, or group, to go with, and also go by yourself. It's actually a very good way to meet people who share your tastes.
    Good luck 😃
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