Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay me exactly what she owes me for tickets?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I've a new friend that I go to concerts with. I usually book the tickets, then send her the booking confirmation with the cost. But when she pays me back, she rounds down the amount - so if her ticket cost £53, she'll transfer me £50. While individually they're small amounts, it's starting to add up. Should I mention it - I don't want to jeopardise this friendship, as I rely on her as my concert companion?

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cymruchris

I would ask if your friend contributes to the partnership in any other way? Petrol or transport costs? Meals when you're out and about? Or in general is everything 50/50 - if everything else is equally shared, then I would certainly mention it if it was for more than a couple of times a year. I think if it totalled a difference of around £15 a year - I wouldn't worry about it - but if it was more like £50 a year or more - then I would. It depends on how much the difference is, over what timescale. 

JGB1955

Get your friend to buy the next set of tickets and round-down your contribution.

REJP

Find a new friend to go to concerts with.  Where is the moral dilemma in this?

13zero8

I'm not sure I'd want a friend who thinks it's ok to round down when paying what they owe. They're either a liberty taker or the part of their brain that deals with social etiquette isn't working properly. Either way, you're bound to see other examples as/if the friendship continues. 

DontBringBertie

I used to get really annoyed when people did this.

I remember buying tickets ages ago which were £22 and a few of my friends just gave me a £20 note assuming that would be fine.

With internet banking there’s literally no excuse not to transfer the exact amount.

Flipflop13

I find it really odd when people do this because I’d automatically round up out of social anxiety so I’d be giving you £55. After all you have taken the time to book the tickets and the initial cost is yours. I bet if anything went wrong before they had paid you their share, they’d leave you high and dry too

Q11

It’s not the amount, it’s the principle.  Personally I would never round down nor would I expect others to. I agree with 13zero8, she will start to round down other things as well.  Gently remind her of the full cost of the ticket and ask her to transfer it directly to your account, then she has no excuse. 

Obird63

I have a friend who routinely orders considerably more expensive items than I do at restaurants and then expects to split the bill but she never subs anything back. Over the years I'd say I have overpaid hundreds and it was really starting to affect my view of our (very long) friendship. I finally put a stop to it this year and feel so much happier about the friendship.

If you have been upfront about the cost of the concert (or whatever) beforehand then your friend has the opportunity to say that she doesn't want to go or it's too expensive so if she has agreed to go and pay for her ticket, that is exactly what she should do. Money is too tight these days to be 'stealth spending' in this way. 

 I'd say you have a few choices: as JGB1955 says, you could ask her to get the next one and then round down your repayment. If nothing else, at least it will spark a conversation.

Or, you could simply present her with the maths and point out how much you are out. Explain that you simply can't afford it. 

Or, you could just tell her next time she does it what the amount actually was and tell her that's what she needs to pay back.

Or, you could just do what I've done in the restaurant situation and say that from now on, you will each buy your own tickets.

Or you could go on your own or join an interest group where you can all go to the concerts as individuals but 'together'... 

Stefbisme

I’m so glad most are rounding up. If not, are they paying for parking, drinks, driving to the venue? Even before the current situation I’d have gone the extra mile to be sure the person who did the purchasing was paid back and then some. (If you’ve been in a ticketing queue lately, you’ll understand the need for additional compensation!)

Chris_Jay

I had a friend who would do that to me, and initially I let it go, as she's a pensioner, until I began to notice that she could always afford weekly visits to the hairdresser, to have her hair washed and set, and a manicure every three weeks. I can't afford those things, and I became very unhappy about it, and, I'm ashamed to admit, rather resentful. I'm also a pensioner. When the final straw happened, I didn't handle it well and the friendship died on the spot. Hindsight is a wonderful thing... Is your friend doing anything similar, to your knowledge? You say she's a new friend - is that because she's new to the area or workplace, or because she didn't move in your circle until recently?
As has been said already, the small amounts do add up, and concerts and shows aren't a cheap night out. I suggest you weigh up how long you can subsidise her before you get too resentful to have the conversation in a calm fashion. And you do need to have the conversation! Please don't do what I did! It's deeply distressing all round.
I'd also reiterate comments above - find a new friend, or group, to go with, and also go by yourself. It's actually a very good way to meet people who share your tastes.
Good luck 😃