Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend to pay me exactly what she owes me for tickets?

Pol21

cymruchris said:

I would ask if your friend contributes to the partnership in any other way? Petrol or transport costs? Meals when you're out and about? Or in general is everything 50/50 - if everything else is equally shared, then I would certainly mention it if it was for more than a couple of times a year. I think if it totalled a difference of around £15 a year - I wouldn't worry about it - but if it was more like £50 a year or more - then I would. It depends on how much the difference is, over what timescale. 

Yes, your friend should.  I’d ask her to buy the tickets the next few times.

Pol21

Yes, she should.  I’d ask her to buy the tickets the next few times and if you feel comfortable, round the amount yourself.

Ringo90

If this is a new friend and you really want to give her a chance for the future, then next time you need tickets, BEFORE buying, tell her that you've noticed she always rounds the amount down and that out of goodwill you can forget the past amounts but she shouldn't do that again. If she apologises and shows you that she's really sorry (I would at least buy you a drink or two depending on how much she has rounded down!) then you could go ahead, otherwise you should find a new concert companion. As hard as it could be, it's still better than having someone who clearly wants to take advantage of you.

P.S. When I send my share to a friend, and the amount that is, say, 25.50, I usually would send 26 and I do the same most times when paying the bill even when service charge is already included!

Arusha87

That's quite cheeky. Rounding down to the nearest pound is ok (but I would always round up if anything).
Set up an account with an app like Splitwise or Splid to track what you owe each other and then the exact figure will always be recorded and indisputable! It's also a good way to account for any smaller shared costs - drinks, petrol, parking etc.

ReluctantlyMiddleAged

I agree with so many of the other comments that I nearly didn’t comment. The one thing I would say is that, if you want the friendship to continue and grow, this is something you need to nip in the bud asap, otherwise your resentment will grow and she will become even further entrenched in her view that this is acceptable behaviour. There are many excellent suggestions above as to how you might do this.

However you do it, if she reacts badly, I can only agree with others in saying, in one way or another, that she isn’t a true friend but a sponger who you’re better off without. Good luck!

Agent57

When you forward the booking confirmation, add a comment before hand: "Hi, Please can you transfer me £53 as per below booking confirmation. Thanks."  Then see what happens.  No excuse, but some people think differently and don't take hints or read between the lines, so if you clearly state exactly what you want them to do. That may help.

Margaux

Next time, why not say you are a bit short atm so could she transfer the money before booking, then if she rounds it down again you can go back to her and say you can’t book without the full amount.  If she says it’s only £?, you could then say ‘if it’s only £? then why can’t you pay it?  You’ll at least sort out whether the friendship is worth keeping!

If you continue to ignore this then she will continue to abuse the friendship, she is taking advantage and as such, I’m sorry to say, she is not your friend!

crmism

As your friend is so cavalier about money, I suggest that in future you round up to the next £10 above so that there is no possibility of her rounding down - but if she DOES try that trick again, change to £20 above or more than that to suit.

Grouchiest

Try not sending any supporting documents.  If it was £53 round it up to 55. Once you fell you’ve recouped the prior losses round one down then round the next one up.

Danien

I would advise against passive aggressive reactions that some have suggested.

Personally, I would approach it by saying that I'd noticed they were underpaying by a few pounds each time and was concerned they were having financial troubles. Then explain that if they are, I don’t have the funds to subsidise her as money your money is strictly budgeted, so would she prefer to go less often if finances are a bother.

You are therefore starting the conversation from a point of care and concern, allowing her to say 'Oh I didn't realise I'd been underpaying' and act better in future.

The other option, as others have said, if you are willing to write off the previous loss, is to be very specific about the money you want transferred.

There are different reasons why people do these things, some are ditsy, and when transferring, don’t check the amount, know it's around £50 and transfer that thinking you would tell them if it was wrong, and not realise that it's a difficult issue to bring up.
Others think it's good to get one over on people whenever possible, but I'd rather not assume that unless there was other evidence.

I go to lunch with family member regularly and we take turns paying. I always get something cheaper on her turn to pay as I know money is tight for her, though we've never spoken about it. It's called consideration for others, which is sadly lacking in some sectors of society - my experience is, on average (not everyone) the wealthier a person is the less consideration they have.