2008 - Live on £4000 for a full year.

MarkyMarkD

This isn't really relevant to anything on the thread, but I wanted to say it somewhere ... we have blagged free tickets for a folk festival tomorrow which would have cost £50 the pair . I'm quite delighted!

(There is a story about the free tickets, but I'll keep that bit quiet. )

Frugaldom

Janey, I suspect quite a few of us may have been in a similar situation to the one you are in now and it is really difficult to find a solution that suits everyone. Apologies if anything comes across as out of line, but this is my 'take' on the situation.
Your niece really sounds like she needs more help than just money, but I can see that she is in a really difficult situation with her own mum being overseas and you being the one that's here and willing to talk to her. You could try to agree a time (hopefully sometime tomorrow) and get her to sit down and spill the beans on her entire current financial situation - paperwork, the lot. In my experience, nobody ever tells you the full extent of the damage at first, so be prepared. Chances are that there's a whole lot more to it than she's openly admitting to at the moment. Phone bills have always been the first main tell tale signs (IMO) and I think it may be in her best interests if you contacted the service provider on behalf of your niece and explained that you are her legal representative, explain that she cannot afford the bill but you would like to arrange a short term payment plan for the account. They SHOULD accept a token payment and agree to a payment plan. You can also request that they leave the phoneline connected for incoming calls only. But you then need to ensure the payment plan is met every week to ensure the debt is cleared. If niece is intending to marry soon, I would certainly involve her fiance, as any debt that either of them incurs once they are married will be joint debt as far as I am aware. It would be so much better all round if you could help her change her spending habits without having to shoulder the burden of her debt personally.

I hope everything works out OK for you and, if possible, try to visit your niece's home to assess the financial damage. With luck, the telephone bill will be the only debt there is - just be prepared for more so it's a relief if there isn't rather than a shock if there is. Good luck

grandma247

It would be so much better all round if you could help her change her spending habits without having to shoulder the burden of her debt personally.


I agree with this. It sounds as though your neice needs a lot of help to learn to stand on her own feet. She also sounds to have grown up with a bad example being set her. It will take quite a bit of time and effort but she will eventually appreciate your efforts to help her to grow into an independant person.

Janey51

Thanks both :beer:

I have been awake since about 4am pondering this problem.
Niece is such a lovely girl and a great Mum but I am worried that she will perpetuate the cycle started by her Mum and teach her kids that somehow money "appears" from nowhere.
I had promised myself I would not help her out financially again but when she came on the phone in floods of tears, Auntie J's heart melted and got in the way of her head

Its her birthday on Sunday so I will phone her then and ask to meet her on my day off on Monday. To be fair, she has set up a Standing Order to pay me back the money but its money that could be earning interest for us :rolleyes:

An interesting observation is that my own Mum is addicted to the Shopping Channels on TV and spent all her and Dad's savings (he died 3 yrs ago) on rubbish. I now have POA for her and although I can't stop her spending her own money, I can put a brake on what she can get her hands on as she can't get out of the house and I hid her bank card and cheque card. She still owes a catalogue £400 but I am paying that off for her (with her money )

Whan I was younger, I do remember Mum and Dad were always short of cash but Mum was always buying and she used to bet on the horses quite a lot. I was always in trouble with money. Its only recently that I have finally got a grip on the financial world and now its addictive when I see what little savings can blossom into :j

I think both my sister and I have copied my Mum and just bought what we wanted because thats what always happened .....although Dad was a saver, he couldn't refuse her anything :rolleyes:

My sister has now confessed that the money they took with them when they emigrated to seek the "simple life" has virtually gone. It was supposed to last them for 15 yrs and has lasted 10 months :eek:

My own 2 sons are fantastic with money :j They both own their own homes, have steady jobs and have married great women. If they want something, they budget for it.

Now, how did I manage to do that :rotfl:

MarkyMarkD

It's a problem.

I've "lent" money to a few people in the past and the total amount they owe me is a significant amount.

Both of the individuals I'm thinking of made token attempts to repay the loans but then (basically) defaulted.

Both of the individuals spend far too much money on unnecessary things - mainly, smoking. But at least one has Sky TV and other things I don't think necessary for normal human life.

The "worst" of the two seems to lurch from one financial crisis to another. The reason I lent the money (originally) was to get the bailiffs off her case; since then the same situation has arisen at least twice. I honestly cannot understand how her family doesn't live on their income - their actual unavoidable outgoings are really quite small.

sophiesmum_2

Hi everyone,

flowerofthewest - Hope you enjoy your holiday:D

Janey 51 - Hope you find a suitable solution to your problem.I think it's more worrying trying to sort out cash problems for others than your own as you have no control over the effort they are willing to put in. At least your niece will have one role model who is financially aware:D

Today i need to go to costco to shop for the meat/veggies etc for oldies meal tomorrow - they have given cash for that and work will pay petrol costs so no problem there. Will combine trip with filling up car at cheap garage on way and take DD along as equestrian shop is also on our way and she needs a new bridle(she is paying) but will save her £5 postage costs by picking up personally:D Don't think I need anything from costco but may spot a bargain whilst there:o

Other jobs for today include making a loaf in breadmaker, cleaning house with stardrops and microfibre cloths, and making a nice meal for tonight out of stores and freezer.

Hope you all have a good day, weather is grey and wet here today so can't get stuff done in garden that I wanted to. :mad:

Marru

Hi Janey51,

I agree with other people here. If you keep rescuing your niece she will never learn as she thinks that there is always a way out and someone to come and sort things out for her. But you can give her the most precious thing you have - your time - to be there for her and support her.

Need to go, I just spilled water all over my LO

Marru

mah_jong

I am shocked at having spent 24.13 this month already on groceries, toiletries and cleaners etc!

However my food planner says there are only 4 days left in the month that I have not got something listed (and in freezer or cupboard) for dinner. Though of course veggies, milk and fruit still to get!

plenty soup (frozen in portions) and bread can be made ....

the_cat

Oops dont know what happened - I double posted!!

the_cat

Janey 51

Sorry to hear about your niece, it must be a very difficult situation for you. Do you think she would let you go through her SOA and help her sort things out properly? As others have said the chances are that there are other debts she hasn't yet admitted to.

As far as the phone bill, I would suggest that the kindest thing you could do is let them cut her off. She will feel hard done by and have to sort it out herself but at least the phone is something that she can live without. If it were Council tax or something like that I would probably pay it as I'm a bit of a softie but this is a chance to teach her a valuable lesson. ( If you are worried about her get a PAYG with a £10 credit for emergencies - there is a really good deal on Grabbit board that I saw yesterday if that helps)

Good luck whatever you decide