Feeling very, very sad

ceridwen

Sorry to hear about what is happening with your parents.

Am just wondering what the sick leave policies are like with your firm - as in whether you could have a bit of sick leave without getting landed-up in disciplinary problems? (stress sounds the appropriate one here - and understandably so).

Failing that - surely they would allow you a bit of unpaid leave. Large firms also often allow carers leave (unpaid unfortunately) - in the circumstances I would think you could almost certainly get that (in fact I have an idea - not sure, but worth a check) that maybe employers now have to legally give some carers leave if required. I may be wrong on that one - but worth a look.

Chollita

OMG - life really does suck sometimes, doesn't it?

Shout, scream, punch a pillow if you need to, do whatever you need to do to get it out. Don't let the stress build up.

Surely you should be entitled to some compassionate leave under the circumstances? And the colleague will get what he deserves, karma will see to that ... or maybe your boss would like a suggestion as to where he could spend NY Eve, tell him you've heard about this great new DJ?

Cazziebo, you are evil, I like that ... :rotfl:

cazziebo

Ceridwen/Loretta - I think the issue is that paid leave is exhausted and if Kittykate has any more time off it will be unpaid. As well as extra travelling expenses, she is also paying for private speech therapy so I would imagine unpaid leave isn't much of an option. It just seems so unfair.

bunty109

cazziebo wrote: »

Ceridwen/Loretta - I think the issue is that paid leave is exhausted and if Kittykate has any more time off it will be unpaid. As well as extra travelling expenses, she is also paying for private speech therapy so I would imagine unpaid leave isn't much of an option. It just seems so unfair.

I'm with Ceridwen and Loretta on this one. Sickness pay is a whole other thing and won't be at the manager's discretion: it is usually in your contract. The leave Kittykate has had so far has been compassionate or holiday, surely? If Kittykate is signed off with stress/exhaustion it will be a sickness issue and for HR to deal with ultimately. Companies have to be very careful how they deal with stress and - to be honest - the manager is adding to the stress of the situation by treating another employee differently.

Kitty, you really are an amazing person in doing all you are doing and you need to take care of yourself too. Go to your GP and tell him how you feel and the effectof all of this and I am sure he'll sign you off for a bit. If your boss won't help you, then help yourself and take some sickness leave! (Note: I'm not usually for advocating such things but Kitty really seems in need of some time to take a few deep breaths)

cazziebo

Company sick pay can be discretionary, even if contractual, and there is no legal right to paid compassionate leave. I think leave is available, but it would be unpaid. So even if signed off, there might not be company sick pay and SSP will not cover all the extra expenses.

Kittykate has tried HR and been directed back to an unsympathetic line manager. Her only options would be to raise a grievance and if I was her, I just wouldn't have the emotional energy for that just now.

My father was terminally ill 200 miles away and I made the 400 miles round trip 3 times a week. While this went on for a year, one of my colleagues made up a story about her sister having breast cancer and took the whole summer off.

Just a thought. My sister got carer's allowance (maybe it was called something else) when my dad was ill. I know nothing about the conditions, but would it be worth investigating? If you qualified and it was a reasonable amount, you could request a couple of months leave of absence from work. Might give you some time to draw breath. My sister also had access to a really good support system for carers and apart from "want to scream my head off" support at low times also got the offer of reiki, aromatherapy etc. She found a real godsend. She lives in the North of Scotland so might not be available everywhere.

Kitty - dog poo offer is still on!

Stephb1986_2

sorry to hear your going through a bad time, you parents are lucky to have you. your boss sounds like a right grinch!!!! i hope your parents will both be ok.

take care love and hugs

Stephb xx

bunty109

Company sick pay can be discretionary, but Kittkate has said she works for a large company, so I assume that she has a certain degree of paid sickness leave she could use. Given the stress she is under with 2 parents ill and a full-time job to do, I can't see any HR department arguing with a doctor's note signing her off.

Perhaps Kittykate could call the ACAS helpline (08457 47 47 47) and ask their advice about what to do?

3plus1

Hello. :wave: Don't really have any practical advice for you, but wanted to add to the pile of virtual hugs. You've been through so much recently, and the fact that you're still bearing up of sorts, only proves what a strong person you are. I am really sorry you've had to find a way of coping with all of this, but at the same time, I really admire you for being able to do so. I know I'd have fallen to pieces by now in your shoes.

I think it's awful that your work isn't letting you take any more time off - it's not as if you're using the extra hours to enjoy yourself. I agree with the advice already given that perhaps you should speak to your GP about getting signed off with stress. I can't see any reason why you wouldn't get this.

Once again....... HUUUUUUUUUUUGS.

PS Even if they haven't felt well enough to say it... your parents must be so proud of you. You're such an amazing person.

tazz233

I have also been following your other thread but have been a lurker, as your story is similar to my life at the moment and I didn't feel strong enough to contribute.
However, just want to say that there are others in your situation. If you feel like venturing off moneysavers (i know it can be hard- lol ) there are many threads similar to yours on the macmillian discussion boards. http://share.macmillan.org.uk/share/
There are so many carers, looking after family with cancer and juggling family and work life on there who can give advice, a hug and who understand whats its like.

Like you, life has dealt me some bad cards. I am 22 and have been the sole carer of my terminally ill mum for over a year now and also am guardian to my 14 year old brother. My dad died out of the blue a few years ago and the rest of my family either live too far away or have been completely useless :mad: I can drive but don't have a car and so can really sympathise with you and the feeling stretched. You cope though don't you? I don't know where I get the energy and patience, sometimes all I want to do is cry 'why me?'.

Please don't think I am not trying to steal your thunder- I just thought it might be reassuring to know there are others out there like you-I know it doesn't solve the situation but I hope that brings you some comfort. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk. A good friend told me this a few months ago and it touched me:

It may feel like the world is against you and life sucks now but things will get easier and better with time. Life is both positive and negative - never simply one or the other, but a dance where one takes the lead now and again. The hardship you are enduring now, the weight on your shoulders, it's not fair, but at the same time it will form you into a deeper person.

tazz233

Oh and to the person who asked, Carers allowance is not much- about £50 a week but you can only receive this if the person you care for needs constant care (http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/MoneyMatters/DG_10012522)

However saying that, maybe a few months off, is just what you need to recharge and spend valuable time with your family- Work will always be available but Life and family are precious.

Can your partner support you for a while? Any savings? Maybe rent a room out for a foreign student for a bit of extra income?

Hope tomorrow is a better day xxx