Diary of a 30-something idiot

FTbuyer18

I wish you the best of luck that your plan with the move and paying off works out as you imagine. I can imagine the relief you feel, and i just hope you don't end up in a similar situation but with less equity. I imagine it will be lovely moving into the house with it being ready, as in new kitchen bathroom etc, I bought a renovation property which gave me a new sense of jelousy towards people who buy move in condition property haha. 

We are all routing for you, this should be a huge weight off your shoulders and i'm looking forward to seeing more positive posts from you and less worrying and stressing. Take care x

londoner2019

foxandflowers said:

@dawnybabes I am actually considering that separately to everything else, and have asked my GP for a referral. I have a big habit of a) being a pushover and b) self sabotage. There are lots of things that have been boxed up but not dealt with, and I'm hoping to move into next year creating only healthy habits for myself and my family.

Good luck with everything. I know b) very well indeed! I hope you can get the support you need and deserve.

stoplurking

Hi Foxandflowers
i have read your diary but never commented so feel free to ignore.
 I just wondered if you had ever got round to having your will drawn up? If you die before hubby, without a will, your net assets up to £322k will go to him.  Anything over that will be split between him and your little one. If he then dies without a will everything will go to his children and your little one gets nothing.  

Just a thought in all the excitement of the move, which I hope goes really well and gets rid of a huge source of worry for you.  

foxandflowers

Hi all.

Thanks for not berating me. The point about a will is a good one, although I really don't know how I would go about dividing anything up, because I would want to leave something for everyone, but also leave security for them. I will think on it.

I've calculated everything on the basis my F&F offers will settle at 70% of the full value, but I'm hoping to go in at 40% to negotiate as low an offer as I can. Obviously both the friend loans will have to be paid back in full. At 70% the total to spend on debt repayments would be £32k of which 23k would be going to F&F. At 40% settlement its 20k on F&F. My biggest hurdle is going to be ACI which currently stands at £11,737.58. This debt alone is almost 30% of my total debts with Stepchange. I've been researching the best ways to offer etc and I'm quietly hopeful. 

Furniture wise we will need to buy a new bed (a small double instead of a normal sized one) as the rooms are a lot smaller, a sofa as ours doesn't fit, a washer-dryer for the kitchen, and a fridge freezer. Nothing else is urgent, although I would like a dining table and chairs at some point. I have so much decluttering to do, so will be starting that this week, and selling as much furniture as I can in order to make some ££ and lower my moving costs. Aside from the white goods, I will be looking to furnish entirely via the home recycling shop & charity shops. If anyone has any decluttering tips, please share because I have so much stuff and no problem getting rid of the big stuff but have loads of little boxes of trinkets that I find so hard to part with.

I went for a swim at a different beach yesterday and it was lovely. Big waves and cold waters. It really helped clear my head a bit although it took me ages to warm up again afterwards! Water temp was supposedly 15* but I was purple when I came out of the sea haha.  I've been listening to the Handmaid's Tale on Youtube, and very much enjoying it. I did start watching the series with Mr Fox, but we fell off after the second or third one. I've also spent a lot of time scribbling in notebooks and trying to plan how things are going to go moving forward. Manifesting a slow, simple, cosy, humble life without debts. 

Stepson is not moving out for the foreseeable, his girlfriend's family have said no to him moving in for the time being. So the rent will continue, and that is something I am grateful for for the next few months, especially with C-word around the corner. We will find out on Wednesday if the Councils are going to strike over pay. At this point, as nice as the extra would be, I would just like the backpay to be put into my account.

Bluegreen143

It's admirable that you'd want to leave something for everyone, but with a relatively small estate I think it's a mistake to dilute it by spreading it about too much.

If you died, your stepchildren would still have two parents to care for them (and I know some are adults or approaching adulthood anyway).

Your daughter is still very young and you need to think about where she would live in this situation (with her biological dad, I assume, unless there are reasons this isn't possible) and how you can make sure she is well looked after and has a decent start in life (e.g. money to help her get an education or a house deposit when she is grown).

Likewise, I don't expect that you would totally disinherit your husband, you are married after all, but he is much less vulnerable in this situation than your daughter so I think she should get the lion's share at least.

FTbuyer18

As a note on the decluttering side, there is a book i got called 'the joy of less', maybe you could get it on kindle so you dont have another item, but this book really helped me with decluttering, i too use to have a big issue getting rid of 'stuff' and putting emotions, or but it cost me x amount, etc, but this really made me realise that i was spending way too much of my time managing 'stuff'', and really was losing joy. 

A good point mentioned above about wills, something i will take into consideration for myself and had never really considered before being in my 30's, but you do never know what is around the corner so being prepared i suppose is sensible. 

Take care

Bluegreen143

I can second the recommendation for “The Joy of Less” and also really recommend “Lightly” by the same author.

SuzeQStan

Hi Fox - please check out Olio, freecycle, trash nothing etc for your furniture needs - on my local Olio I could pretty much kit out a full house for free.  Otherwise those items you mention - sofa, beds, fridge freezer & washing machine/dryer + dining furniture - could very easily add up to thousands

Sarahwithlove

Your will is essential please do one as soon as you can. I have to agree that I think your daughter needs the security more. As much as I'd like to hope your husband would take on your daughter I do worry as he isn't working and has a reluctance to claim benefits. Maybe a conversation you need with him about what would happen should the worse happen. 

birdsfoottrefoil

Morning Fox! I was thinking about your reply to the suggestion you get a will to protect your child being that you’d want to give something to everyone over her and how you talk about your ADHD masking at work and issues with people pleasing. 

I’m no psychiatrist but I do wonder if you continue masking and people pleasing at home without realising? It sometimes sounds like you’re making decisions that you think will make everyone else happy over ones that are good for you (and perhaps assume if they’re happy your life will be easier)? 

One of my best friends is ADHD and it can be difficult to get her to say if she is really happy with a situation or a partner. As I think to fit in with the world she’s prioritised trying to please others over herself so she “blends in and is accepted” and it can lead to disappointment and frustrations over time. An example being she assumes her partners will put her before everything else like she does with them, but they tend not to as they are so used to her putting everything they want first.
This may not be you but might be worth looking at and getting some help.  

Otherwise I hope the house sale is going well, is there anyway you can keep a double as I know from experience a small double is a nightmare to share if you want a good nights sleep?

Also I’d see if you can pick up a white goods from FB sell or seek, I’ve always had mine off their second hand and they’ve been great and normally under £50.