Diary of a 30-something idiot

Cherryfudge

Your boss's attitude is deplorable. My impression is they just wouldn't have done the review if it hadn't been noticed by occ health.

I suggest you write down what you want to cover in the meeting, keep a copy and have one ready to hand to management so you know things aren't going to slide. Being assertive is difficult but comes with practice, honest it does. If it helps, try to phrase things so they don't have get-out clauses. 'I feel I need to work from home three days a week as my colleagues do as working more than that is stressful,' rather than 'I need to wfh more'.

foxandflowers

@Cherryfudge I'm pretty disheartened by their entire attitude. It's like they've never met an adult with autism before that is not non-verbal. They absolutely wouldn't have done anything if I hadn't mentioned it yesterday, then all of a sudden it's a scramble. 

They suggested a workplace mentor, and I explained that that would not work for me as it would change the dynamic of the relationship between myself and whoever was picked to 'mentor' me. I also find that entire thing infantalising. I'm in my 30s. I absolutely don't need to go tug on someone's sleeve and ask why they pay money into a tea fund just in case I've missed a social cue. I've navigated the last three decades without a mentor. I'm quite annoyed about that. 

They also picked up on that the whole being in the office negatively impacts my mental health and asked me to explain, so I tried to explain that from the moment I leave the house in the morning to the moment I get home I'm masking and running normaladult.exe and it is absolutely exhausting and they asked for an example?? So I said my stream of conciousness goes something like this: how i have to position my body, what i sound like, how much information do i share, am i annoying, have i over shared, does anyone require a genuine answer, am i too blunt, was that boring, am i trying to hard, did i ask the other person the right question, did they want me to ask a question, am i butting in, have i talked to long, how, why, etc and they looked at me across the table with big round eyes. I don't WANT to have to explain myself, which is why there were links in the occupational health document for them to learn about autism. Which my boss said he hadn't looked at yet. It's been THREE months.

Outcome is I can WFH one day a week on a trial basis when we move in office in three weeks time, but this was said with a "if your output drops we will pull you back in the office full time without hesitation."

*sigh*

Kim_13

foxandflowers said:

@stymied - work has not yet taken place. The auto electrician can't see it until the 14th. I'm half hoping to sell it before we get to that point. The trouble is it wouldn't be £500 clear as we would have to pay for fuel down and trains back (£250) plus work out timings to get there around the kids and other commitments. And honestly without fixing the brake light relay, it's not safe to drive anyway. I am very fed up.

I agree it’s best to fix it before selling - there was a poster who was being taken to court by a buyer who was trying to get some money back because xyz apparently needed doing. That was with nothing being wrong to the poster’s knowledge. The last thing you need is one of those types of buyers, who may estimate that the work will cost x and then start bombarding you with messages when it costs more than they thought.

littlegreen

I think a mentor scheme is pretty standard in most workplaces now, someone usually a level or two above who you meet with for a coffee a few times a year to discuss any issues your having, progression tips, career moves etc. Never known it to be more hand holding then that.

I've had many, never asked for them, do also find the idea a bit ridiculous as I would personally reach out to someone if I wanted any of the above anyway. But I played the game as its what the company wanted and I enjoyed my catch up as a half hour additional break from work every so often to be "mentored". At least if you go along with it and it does not get better you can go back to them and say "the wfh day I see a considerable shift in my mood and output but the mentoring scheme just doesn't work for me and I'd like to explore other ways of helping me which in turn helps you"

foxandflowers

@littlegreen - I would be absolutely fine if I worked in a dept with a mentoring scheme. But nobody else has a mentor. Or has had one suggested for them. This is not a 'career' mentor, this is one of my peers/colleagues that they want me to pick to learn how to socialise from, which is frankly offensive. 

foxandflowers

Oh it's my 2nd anniversary of MSE today. Somehow thought I would have been further along by now. 

FTbuyer18

Happy anniversary! And just think if you hadn't spent those 2 years being conscious how much further away from your goal you may be instead. There have been hiccups along the way, but you are still here and still trying, that is something to be proud of i think! 

Sarahwithlove

I don't understand why you're only allowed one day a week and others get 3? Are you a member of the union? Occ health should be making better recommendations and advocating on your behalf. 

foxandflowers

I've written a huge post twice and lost it both times. ARGH.

Quick recap: 

• Mini Fox now has a mobile phone. It was £60 on Amazon, and has a £5 monthly pay as you go SIM card. She's starting to be more independent and it's scaring me a bit! Not sure I'm ready for it. It doesn't do any internet access, which I am eternally grateful for. I worry a bit about her dad using it to access and manipulate her. But it is JUST for the school run and her friends, so hopefully it doesn't become another addiction. 
• I have new glasses. I can see in 4k ultra HD again. It is horrendous. Very interesting to not have double vision, or headaches.
• My pawnbroking loan is charging between 42p and 50p a day in interest. Once it's paid off next month I will never take out a pawn loan again. I've never actually had eyes on something that has daily interest before. I've paid off almost £55 from it by rounding up my bank accounts etc, and it's made barely a dent. Like by the time the balance is due, it will still be at £220. Which is somewhat better than if I had ignored it and continued to not pay towards it. 
• Ten of my 18 debts with Stepchange are now under 1k each totalling 5.6k. Once I've paid off the pawnbrokers I will be tackling the credit card, and then anything that accrues interest will be dead in the water. Hurrah. I don't know if it's better then to start chipping off the baby debts once the Emergency Fund has grown to where I want it to be, or if it's just better to throw it into savings until I can F&F the £12k debt.
• My job is still problematic. The CIPP starts on the 25th, and in the initial email we received it said "By signing this agreement, I accept that if I leave the Authority within 2 years of receiving financial support for a professional qualifications course, then I will be liable to repay an element of the financial support provided." but I queried it because 2 years is a really long time to commit to a job that I am unhappy in, and it turns out the Authority in question is just the department. Which doesn't seem entirely legal. But there we go. I'm still waiting to see if I've got an interview in the other department. 

Cherryfudge

Hooray for new glasses, even if having amazing sight is somewhat overwhelming!

That looks like real progress on the debts. Looking at things a different way, such as daily interest, can be really useful. 

With regard to the emergency fund, I'd give that priority as you never know when you might need it. However, you could divide that money when you get that far - if it helps to put money towards an F&F, then perhaps a percentage, with the balance going to the EF? But if the EF were high enough, and the opportunity for an F&F came up, perhaps the EF could fuel the F&F, if it meant more money was freed up to help rebuild the EF?

I'd still like to see a nice strong EF, though.  

I think there are a couple more questions to ask about the funding for the training: surely the department is a sub-division of the Authority? If so, it narrows your options. If I've understood it right, then supposing you got the post in the other department, would that make you liable straight away, and thus effectively self-funding? If that's the case, could you defer acceptance till you've already changed departments so you have a greater chance of them paying for you?