Feeling low, sorry for myself etc

diystarter7

We, me and Mrs Diy lfet work early some years ago, early retirement. We are a few years off the state pension.
Like most people with their own property, we do worry about the bills/repairs and recently replaced radiators/etc cost a bomb and bought a tv.
We have savings, etc and money should not be a worry if we remain sensible and no reason why this should change.
However, as we get older i worry more about my family, myself as I have health problems but physically look ok.
I worry about our childrens mortgages they all work and tell me not to worry
This massive rise in interest rates and massive inflation and threats of a nuclear war is getting me down.
Are others that are relatively ok with their money but feel like me about higher interest rates, inflation and this eating away at savigns etc
and if so how do you address it?

Sounds stupid but at times I post to help others here and another site and if/when I learn my post/s have helped it makes me feel better - sounds sad but
just being honest.

pinkshoes

It's easy in life to get bogged down worrying about the what ifs.

You need to remind yourself what is important in life and what makes you happy. Focus on these. Focus on the here and now. Do things that make people smile. Be kind.

I believe in fate, things happen for a reason, and yes sometimes things are not what you planned but it can lead to other things that are even better. 

If your kids tell you not to worry, then don't. If they think you're worrying about them then it'll put more stress on them. Just chill out and bake them a cake, go for family walks and have fun.

As for nuclear war... nothing you can do about that and worrying about it isn't going to fix it. Putin is just a deranged moron who needs locking up. The world defeated Hitler and the world will defeat Putin. All you can do is make efforts to see that the younger generation grow up as empaths with kindness. 

It's the little things that help. Small kind gestures that make others happy that will help you realise what is important in life.

Just think back about small things that have happened that made you smile. 

MovingForwards

Not your age, still in work but have health issues therefore dropped down to working PT which covers mortgage, bills and other outgoings. I'm also studying and paying for that.

If I became bogged down with my health, I'd not be able to work. 

If I stress about family, who are old enough to sort their own lives out, it will affect my life and health, therefore my work would be at risk.

I don't bother with keeping up with the news as it's too depressing and has been for years. When cost of living alters, I adjust my budget.

There's a lot of things I can't change, therefore I focus on what I can.

You've got to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and listen when your family say they're ok. The alternatives are you rush back out to work and give your money away or end up in an early grave.

diystarter7

@pinkshoes
@MovingForwards

Both of you make a lot of sense and my family says similar things. Reading your posts helps I think as winter is almost here and not going out as often and watching the rain/dull weather makes it worse.

As I said I look physicall ok but I'm not what I was a year ago. Doc states I worry to much as family says the same
I am lucky re money as we've been pretty wise and never looked forward t depending on a premuim bond big win etc.

I am lucky compared to many re money wise and when I was healthy I did not think too much about others struggling with money and TBH, blamed most of them for self inflicting. Now older, wiser and not feeling great I think more deeply and even those that have/are working very hard and being wise with their money are suffering stress and distress.

Mrs Diy said lets go to the shops and buy something that we need as it will get us out of the house. Thanks again, you have helped. I don't mean to offend anyone re money/spending/etc and hope we all have an easier life.

RobM99

Don't worry about things you have no control over! If Putin nukes us - not our fault, is it?  If there are things you have control over,  do something about them. Don't worry about the past - it's happened, can't change it, a waste of mental energy. 

MovingForwards

Without a doubt winter is 'depressing', it's cold, dark, wet, windy and doesn't involve trips round parks and other outdoor areas.

I know the month when my pain levels get higher, which restricts what I can do further, but I also know which month it will ease off a little next year and when I'll be a little more mobile again. Due to that I adapt my winter life as it's not forever. 

breaking_free

Take a temporary break from watching the news/reading the papers.

Some years back I read a book that got me all riled up with self-righteous anger and then recommended it to my dad - "Read this. It will infuriate you". He replied that didn't want to spend his old age being infuriated so he'd skip my book recommendation thank you very much. Wise man my dad.

sheramber

Make a point of going for a walk every day.,even just a short distance.

Getting out in the fresh air  and topping up your vitamin D  does help. Especially when there are less daylight hours. 

You need a purpose.

Do you have a hobby you could get involved in or think about one to take up?

What about tracing your family tree? That can occupy many hours and can be quite interesting finding out about your ancestors.

Ditzy_Mitzy

I would disagree with @pinkshoes, in that I don't believe in fate as an external force, but concur that much of what happens to us is of our own making.  Erving Goffman, the sociologist, is one to think about and one who is too often ignored these days.  He wrote of dramaturgical presentations and impression management.  We 'act' ourselves.  Of course we do, we do it all the time.  Some are inclined to believe in a deeper layer, a sort of immutable self, that exists behind the presentation; the Bogart behind the Spade, if you like.  I'm not so sure about that; indeed it may be countered by the suggestion that the lone, introspective self is simply another performance.  

What does that mean in practice and how does it relate to you?  As someone feeling low, you are adopting the role of the depressive and, to an extent, playing him.  You think like him, act like him, react like him, do what he does and so on.  Why?  It's not working for you.  Go out for a walk or for a drink or to the theatre.  Mr Low might not enjoy the experience, but Mr Normal, a potential new social role, does.  Why does he enjoy it?  Irrelevant, just keep in mind that he does, grit your teeth and carry on.  You may not feel his reactions and emotions are 'authentic', but my point is that authenticity can be a destructive concept.  It keeps you on tracks you would be better off, and cements undesirable patterns of thinking and behaviour.  Authenticity can, in many cases, place Mr Low on a pedestal to the detriment of Mr Normal; it tends to hold one up as real and denounce the other as a fake.  That's not right; in most cases both are simply different expressions of the same individual and personality.  

Usefully, too, the more you play a role the more real it seems.  One becomes used to acting and presenting oneself in certain ways, to the point they come naturally.  What then?  The Normal usurps the Low as the standard mode of presentation.  Surely that's authentic, if one subscribes to that particular conceit.  

None of this is to suggest that your concerns are not real.  What one ought to seek to do, in order to live healthily, is to have concerns but not be consumed by them.  

pinkshoes

Ditzy_Mitzy said:

I would disagree with @pinkshoes, in that I don't believe in fate as an external force, but concur that much of what happens to us is of our own making.   

I believe it to be both. 

You are very much of your own making but sometimes things just happen that are perhaps unexpected and at the time feel very negative/scary/daunting, but rather than dwelling on it, it's finding a way forwards. 

e.g. a friend finding out they have the faulty breast/ovarian cancer gene was obviously not their own making, nor was it welcoming news, but they're seeing the positive that they now have a CHOICE as to the next steps because they have found out about the gene early and before they developed cancer. 

breaking_free said:

Take a temporary break from watching the news/reading the papers.

Some years back I read a book that got me all riled up with self-righteous anger and then recommended it to my dad - "Read this. It will infuriate you". He replied that didn't want to spend his old age being infuriated so he'd skip my book recommendation thank you very much. Wise man my dad.

Totally agree with this! The news is SOOOO doom and gloom, and if you're retired you have more time to watch/read it. Take a break and focus on positive stuff instead. My dad is retired and does a 5k walk before breakfast every day regardless of weather.

diystarter7

Thank you all again for taking the time to help me.
I did stop watching the news about Covid.
I have stopped looking at the online version of the daily Express as they appear to, IMO totally exaggerate their headlines.
I am trying to avoid all news etc.
We bought a new twlly the other day and that takes my mind of stupp but when i get pains, some may be in my head
but it is for real what I've been diagnosed with, with the dull weather I become low
However, I do think of others worse off and not just here in the UK but in vast parts of Africa where
children have to drink dirty water and go without food, medicines etc.

I am sincerely grateful for all of you trying to help and it does help. Many thanks to all again from the bottom of my heart.
(We have been treating ourselves recently more than usual went to the coast on Friday, lovely weather great fish n chips - then we had a few take aways delivered and then one of our children invited us out for a meal but we preferred to stay in so they ordered some food and along with the grandchildren that really cheer us up, it was good.)
Thanks again