How much keep to ask for? 20 September 2022 at 11:13PM in Marriage, relationships & families 55 replies 5.7K views

pollypenny

Both of mine boomeranged back home for periods. Son did a sandwich course, well-paid for a student so he contributed £100 a month. He mowed the lawn  - a big job. 

There's no point in making an individual cook separately or do own laundry: it wastes energy, water and food. 

Family negotiations are the best way forward. 

Savvy_Sue

pollypenny said:

There's no point in making an individual cook separately or do own laundry: it wastes energy, water and food. 

Family negotiations are the best way forward. 

In practice, I'd ask if they had laundry, and they knew better than to put 2 shirts and a pair of pants in, so they'd ask if we had any if they wanted to wash something particular before they had a full load. 

It was about them maintaining their independence, and not mothering them too much. You don't always see the way they've transitioned into Proper Grownups. 

sammyjammy

elsien said:

All goes to show there’s no definitive answer. I was paying £40 a week 25 years ago. Seemed fair at the time.
No expectation of paying less to save quicker, or having my contribution saved to give me a helping hand further down the line.
It was spent on day to day expenses and I still considered it cheap at the price. 

SImilar for me, £100 a month and an extra £50 that went to my sister who was at Uni, it was the days of grants and my parents couldn't afford to give her much towards her upkeep.

Sky_

Savvy_Sue said:

pollypenny said:

There's no point in making an individual cook separately or do own laundry: it wastes energy, water and food. 

Family negotiations are the best way forward. 

In practice, I'd ask if they had laundry, and they knew better than to put 2 shirts and a pair of pants in, so they'd ask if we had any if they wanted to wash something particular before they had a full load. 

It was about them maintaining their independence, and not mothering them too much. You don't always see the way they've transitioned into Proper Grownups. 

We did the same with laundry and have always all taken turns to cook for the whole family, including each child since they were around 14--each cooked once a week and both are good cooks as a result.  They reaped the rewards of this at uni, especially DS who was often the only competent cook in a houseful of lads. 

I think that being able to cook and do basic household chores makes life much easier for a young adult when they first leave home, so it's great if we are able to teach them those skills.

Pollycat

sammyjammy said:

elsien said:

All goes to show there’s no definitive answer. I was paying £40 a week 25 years ago. Seemed fair at the time.
No expectation of paying less to save quicker, or having my contribution saved to give me a helping hand further down the line.
It was spent on day to day expenses and I still considered it cheap at the price. 

SImilar for me, £100 a month and an extra £50 that went to my sister who was at Uni, it was the days of grants and my parents couldn't afford to give her much towards her upkeep.

My Mum took my wages from me and gave me spending money. 
I was furious.
That was over 50 years ago.

MovingForwards

Pollycat said:

sammyjammy said:

elsien said:

All goes to show there’s no definitive answer. I was paying £40 a week 25 years ago. Seemed fair at the time.
No expectation of paying less to save quicker, or having my contribution saved to give me a helping hand further down the line.
It was spent on day to day expenses and I still considered it cheap at the price. 

SImilar for me, £100 a month and an extra £50 that went to my sister who was at Uni, it was the days of grants and my parents couldn't afford to give her much towards her upkeep.

My Mum took my wages from me and gave me spending money. 
I was furious.
That was over 50 years ago.

That's what my nan did with her kids.

My mom had £25pw from me, which was nearly 60% of my wages, what I had left needed to cover my bus pass (bulk of my leftover money), lunch and any snacks / treats, clothes, footwear and anything else. 

HRH_MUngo

My friend charged her daughter  (in her 30s) £100 per week.

Camster

My son has recently started his first job after finishing uni, and he is taking home around £1700 a month.

I decided not to ask for any keep money for the first month, I now need to speak to him about making a monthly contribution towards bills, food etc. I was thinking of asking him for around £250 a month which would include all meals, and washing, and would still leave him with a fairly good disposable income.

Does that sound reasonable?

Pollycat

Camster said:

My son has recently started his first job after finishing uni, and he is taking home around £1700 a month.

I decided not to ask for any keep money for the first month, I now need to speak to him about making a monthly contribution towards bills, food etc. I was thinking of asking him for around £250 a month which would include all meals, and washing, and would still leave him with a fairly good disposable income.

Does that sound reasonable?

He should snatch your hand off.

Bluebell1000

When I moved back home with my parents for a while, we all wrote a number on a piece of paper as to how much we thought my board should be, folded so we couldn't see each others amounts. Mine was the highest 😅 We settled on a number in between, a bit more than my parents wanted but a bit less than I thought was fair.