I just feel so alone...

Hi everyone,

I feel the need to post this as there are a few things going on in my life at the moment (you may have just read my post about my daughter and employment).

As the title says, I just feel so alone.  I wouldn't really say I have any "friends" to speak of.  There are people that I talk to, such as people I see at SW group and another group I go to as well, but they are not the sort of people that I would be able to message and say "lets go out" etc. 

I have work colleagues who are lovely and we go out socially for a meal very occasionally, it's currently about every 6 months.  I work from home, so I do talk to them on teams and we are starting to go into the office once a month as a team, so we get some interaction there. 

Usually contact with old work colleagues fizzles out after I've left a company.  I got back in touch with a lovely lady who I worked with years ago, she is the same age as my parents are, and we used to meet up now and again in the city centre and have coffee and a chat, but I've discovered that she now has dementia and I feel awful for her. 

I have my family, but this unit is small, as I am an only child.  Hubby doesn't keep in contact with his brother or parents after a falling out some years ago.

I don't want to ramble on, but just wanted to post this really to get it off my chest, as I just feel so down at the moment.

Thank you for reading. x

Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £43,915.98


  • tacpot12
    tacpot12 Posts: 7,957 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Your friend with dementia still needs a friend, and it may be possible for you to continue to meet, although you might need help from her family to do as her dementia progresses.

    I understand that it takes time to build friendships, so there isn't going to a quick fix for your loneliness, but unless you take the steps to find people who you can be friends with, the situation will persist. I took up a new hobby a few years ago, mainly because I was interested in it, but the side benefit has been new freinds I have made. Some are little more than acquantaces, but I have found a connection with others than goes beyond our hobby. You don't know who you will connect with, or what you might get out of the friendship, so just try to make friends and see what happens.
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
  • Sorry to hear that you're feeling really lonely. I didn't want to just read and run. 
    I very much agree with the hobby idea for helping to meet new people with some similar interests - it gives you a place to start at least. Volunteering locally within the community can also be a great help if you can spare some time. An older friend of mine who is a widow really struggled after she retired so she started volunteering at her town's foodbank for a few hours once a week. She's made really good friends through it. 
  • Yes I understand it is a 2 way street but sometimes I feel like it’s always me that makes the 1st move. A couple of my recent messages haven’t been answered, so I think I was beginning to have doubts as to whether the people concerned wanted to be bothered with me anymore. 

    In any case I have messaged a couple of people this morning - 1 apologised for not coming back to me but life has taken over - I know she does work long hours - she is going away shortly, so will be in touch when she gets back so we can meet up. 

    The 2nd person I am dropping in on her on Saturday afternoon for a cuppa. 

    Re:- the person with Dementia. Yes of course so still want to be her friend. I will message her and see how she is. I would like to visit but she doesn’t live very local and I don’t drive. 

    Hopefully a positive result. I suppose I feel a bit deflated sometimes, as I am never the person who gets a message that says “Fancy a gin/bottle of wine tonight?” That sort of thing. Sorry if that seems a little selfish sounding. 

    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £43,915.98
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Posts: 5,571 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post

    Hopefully a positive result. I suppose I feel a bit deflated sometimes, as I am never the person who gets a message that says “Fancy a gin/bottle of wine tonight?” That sort of thing. Sorry if that seems a little selfish sounding. 

    I know what you mean - things fizzle out and then no-one really thinks of contacting you. TBH not sure if it isn't a thing of age - I mean people being less spontaneous ?
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,600 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic
    It is not selfish at all- I feel the same way with my friends.

    99.99% of the time I initiate things and make first contact, but while it does definitely bug me I have largely accepted that is the way it is, and needs to be should I wish to keep those friends- which I certainly do.

    I would encourage you to get yourself out and about as much as possible, volunteering, hobby groups, socialising groups like meetup.com, might there also be a support group locally for people with special needs which encompasses family, carers etc?

    I'm single and childless with health problems, I try to get out as much as possible.
    Meetup and Zumba classes have led to real & lasting friendships for me personally.
  • Thank you for all of your replies. I messaged some people yesterday - am going to visit the one on Saturday afternoon for a cuppa. I did message her some weeks ago and never got a reply. She only lives round the corner from me and is older and has problems with her hip etc, but wouldn’t want to just drop in on her uninvited. The other one is off to Singapore for the F1 shortly and said will message me when she gets back, for us to meet up. 

    I did message the lady that has Dementia and she had been out with her family as it was her birthday, so I said hope she was having a nice day and we both wished our families well etc. I think she is in the early stages of Dementia and she’s on medication. If I was to see her again, I would have to visit, but as I said in my previous post, she doesn’t live local and I would need a lift to get there. 

    I think I do find it hard to make friends yes - as I am not used to having large amounts of people around me, due to being a small family. When I went out with work recently, I did panic a bit before going, as there were 9 of us and I do get anxious being in a large group, but once I was there I was ok. 

    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £43,915.98
  • I hope your mood lifts as the morning goes on, i can identify somewhat.

    As we all go through life we 'move on' from friends and aquantancies, it's not a bad thing, it just means we've developed differently.

    It might help to look at your thoughts differently - change the way you see your life/friends/etc .... sometimes it's more the way we see things than the thing itself. 

    Make time to spend it alone and relax, sit with your favourite drink/food and just enjoy the moment.
    I say that because the above actions can alleviate feeling down and depressed and once your mind has worked through those kinks/bends you come out of it happier and clearer-minded.


  • I know exactky how you feel.

    I very often am the first to initiate and organise things. I make friends easily and have some life long ones but don't see them that often. I'd like someone I could feel really close to.

    Ive recently been dropped by a friend and cannot even think as to a reason why.  Its made me feel really down. I've accepted now it's come to an end but it certainly stings.

    I hope you can start to feel better as you seem to have taken some positive steps.

  • Working from home life does have the ability to make you feel exceptionally isolated… This post is very similar to my life.. 

    i have felt very very lonely when working at home, a few weeks ago I decided to start ditching the car and walking to take and collect my daughter from school every day. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence but I’ve felt a million times better ever since. It doesn’t make up for the lack of a social life but the fresh air, exercise twice a day really does lift my mood. 
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