I just feel so alone...

jennystarpepper

If working from home does not involve using A telephone, have you thought about spending an hour working in your local library? Many people use them as they are a safe environment and it's not all hush, hush these days... many have coffee machines and people who like you are or do feel isolated use them to have a chat / interact with others.  

As we get older friendships are not the same, if people do not make the effort... it says more about them, if they have not bothered with you then they don't deserve a nice friend. 

A couple of years ago I 'dropped' someone who I thought was a friend, I've done things for her children, provided references for work and a legal matter and other types of support, but 3 days before a special birthday in a telephone call I mentioned my birthday I received no warm wishes or a message on the day.... well husband told me he had been wanting to tell me for ages I don't need a friend like that.  

Is a 'date night' possible for you and the husband if you don't already have them, maybe a drink or a meal once a month, somewhere different?

josephine82

Do you have a parkrun or a junior parkrun near you? If so, maybe sign up to volunteer. It’s an hour or so on a Saturday or Sunday morning but you will meet some lovely people and have access to a community of people who are usually there volunteering for the same reasons. You don’t have to be a runner. 

I moved back home after university and started volunteering as a way to make some friends and I now have lifelong friends totally on my wavelength. 

Just an idea! 

Abbafan1972

Hi there. @jennystarpepper Thank you for suggesting I work from the library - it’s a good idea, but the type of work I do, I need my 2 monitors, just working from my laptop would slow me down and I do have to take the odd phone call. 

@josephine82 apologies but what’s a parkrun? Sorry to be thick. I/we go out walking, although where I live is not particularly picturesque but it gets me out in the open. There is a local walking group and I am on their facebook group, but I have not been able to join their walks due to not being able to get there on the days times and they are not really that local to me. 

I went round to visit a friend that I haven’t seen for a while and it was really nice to see her. 

xx

ouraggie

There is a lovely Facebook group called Silver Friends, a friendship group (not an online dating group) for over 50s. A very friendly and welcoming set of people. Many have joined due to feeling lonely or isolated. Activities are both online (coffee morning, quizzes, etc) and in person. 

sevenhills

Abbafan1972 said:

As the title says, I just feel so alone.  I wouldn't really say I have any "friends" to speak of.

I feel the same really. I would love to share my life with someone, but it will probably not happen. I did have a close friend who always wanted to go out drinking. Since lockdown he no longer goes out often.
I have an ex girlfriend that messages me, but that is not friendship. Many chat online these days, but that is not friendship either. It just passed the time.
I guess I am closest to my sister these days.
Maybe it's not our fault, but the internet is making us distant from other people?

MalMonroe

Abbafan1972 said:

Hi everyone,

I feel the need to post this as there are a few things going on in my life at the moment (you may have just read my post about my daughter and employment).

As the title says, I just feel so alone.  I wouldn't really say I have any "friends" to speak of.  There are people that I talk to, such as people I see at SW group and another group I go to as well, but they are not the sort of people that I would be able to message and say "lets go out" etc. 

I have work colleagues who are lovely and we go out socially for a meal very occasionally, it's currently about every 6 months.  I work from home, so I do talk to them on teams and we are starting to go into the office once a month as a team, so we get some interaction there. 

Usually contact with old work colleagues fizzles out after I've left a company.  I got back in touch with a lovely lady who I worked with years ago, she is the same age as my parents are, and we used to meet up now and again in the city centre and have coffee and a chat, but I've discovered that she now has dementia and I feel awful for her. 

I have my family, but this unit is small, as I am an only child.  Hubby doesn't keep in contact with his brother or parents after a falling out some years ago.

I don't want to ramble on, but just wanted to post this really to get it off my chest, as I just feel so down at the moment.

Thank you for reading. x

Hi, I think a lot of people are also still recovering from the after-effects of lockdown and being more isolated than we've ever been before because it's been such a strange and unusual situation. But there are things you can do - for example I've been considering joining a choir. I'm not going to just yet because my daughter, who lives with me at the moment, is one of the vulnerable group still trying to avoid covid and we are still more or less isolating as we really don't want her to get long covid or any other complication. However, I do think that joining something like a choir, where you can move at your own pace, join in conversations in your own time, get to know people gradually etc., and sing (I don't have a good singing voice but many choirs do say that is not a requirement these days, it's the fun you get out of it that matters) is good. Singing does make you feel better, I've found. (Even though, as I say, I'm definitely not the best.) Or what about an amateur dramatic group? Something I was considering just before covid struck was joining a ukulele band. I can play piano but I've never tried a ukulele - they say it's not difficult. I just think that getting together with others who have similar interests is the best way to make friends. And also joining a community group in your area, they're sometimes on Facebook, we have one that started when coronavirus did. It's a great community idea and they have all kinds of things going on most weekends. For people of all ages and who enjoy all kinds of activities - dancing, keep fit, yoga, pilates, etc. Have a look on FB and see if there's one near you.

You mention your husband, do you ever just sit and have a conversation with him? Do you tell him how you feel, or ask him how he's feeling? Or go out together? You could even go to a pub quiz night or something, start going regularly and meet up with people who also go regularly. I live in a small village - it's tiny but we have two pubs(!) Both pubs have quiz nights (not the same night though) and they also sometimes have acts on - a local band or singer or something and at Christmas the silver and brass bands come around and everyone gets together for a carol evening. Could you drag your hubby to a quiz night? Both pubs also serve meals and snacks too and that's another way to meet people.

I know you can be lonely in a crowd but don't forget that you have a husband. You don't really need his family - although it's sad that they have fallen out. 

It could be that you've been suffering from depression, too. Have you had a check up at your GP's surgery? You could be low in some vitamin or other. I saw my GP when I was feeling low (eventually, I wasn't too keen at first) and after I'd had a blood test I was diagnosed as being extremely low in Vitamin D, which hadn't helped my anaemia. So I was given an intensive course of Vitamin D for a couple of months and it really helped with my mood and my energy too. Such a simple thing, really and I didn't know.  

Good luck, anyway. I'm sure things will start to look up. As I said, we've been living in weird times. 

bouicca21

When I was newly single and moved away to anew area I too felt the need of new friends.  Different scenario but same requirement.   It was hard work as I’m not particularly outgoing. I joined every club/society going, from theatre groups to walking groups.  I think it took something like 18 months before I had a small but really lovely new social circle.

josephine82

Hi! 

parkrun is an organisation that provides free running/walking events on Saturdays and Sundays at 9am in many locations across the world! 

https://www.parkrun.org.uk/

Each event needs a volunteer team to put the event on each week. 

https://www.parkrun.org.uk/events/events/#geo=3.34/55.05/-2.95

Maybe there is one near you? 

X 

Abbafan1972

Sorry I have been silent for a while, but thought I would revisit this thread.

Thank you for all the comments - I will go over them again. 

@josephine82 there is a parkrun not far from me.  I will need to look at the website in more detail to see when the next one is.  

I know there is a local walking group on Facebook, but I have difficulty with that, as the walks are always on weekday mornings at about 10 (I work). 

I go to 2 weekly groups on a Wednesday and a Thursday.  The Thursday one is Slimming Word.  I know a lady there who lives on the same road as me and we always sit together and chat and find that we can talk about personal stuff and have a laugh.  I tend to find with SW, you meet someone there and get friendly with them, they attend for a few weeks and then disappear. 
The other group I go to on a Wednesday is something completely different and everyone that attends is lovely, and the group leader I can talk to about anything - she sometimes organises other events as well as the Wednesday one, if it's something that interests me. She even said last night that she sees us all as family, which is lovely.

The person that introduced me to this group, I met at Slimming World and now she now longer attends this group or the Wednesday group that she introduced me to.  She had an operation and has been recovering and has been saying about us meeting up for a meal when she's recovered and can drive again, but that time has passed and nothing.  Her last message to me was on the 21st April, saying she will contact me "next weekend but nothing".  I sent her a Whatsapp message last night asking if she was ok and if I don't get any joy from this, I'm going to chalk it up to experience and just not bother messaging her again.  I do get tired of being the one that has to do all the chasing.  I like to ask how people are, but no-one ever contacts me and asks me how I am!

Now let me get onto work colleagues - everyone is lovely and we all work from home.  There is an option to work from the office, but you have to book a desk in advance, which is not a problem.  On a recent Teams meeting (we have one every week), we discussed a meet up and our manager asked if we would like a day in the office or a social event like a meal, which would be on a Saturday.  Nobody wanted to go into the office and we agreed that a social event it would be (I am not bothered either way - I don't mind going into the office).  My colleagues are always very vocal saying they don't like going into the office.  One of the girls arranged a Saturday in May for us all to go bowling and food afterwards and after a few emails back and forth that was agreed.  Then all of a sudden one of the girls said she'd double booked for the date we'd arranged and wouldn't it be better to go into the office and have an extended lunch?  (We get 45 mins for lunch and can only really extend it up to an hour, so no time to go anywhere, it would just be sitting in the office break room or the cafe on the ground floor, if there's any seats).  In response to that email, another girl said "yes I would prefer to go into the office as well".  After that email we've just left it now and no-one has come back with anything else.  I take it now the Saturday we've arrange is now off. Seriously, you can't bloomin' win!  Either you want to go into the office or you don't. 

Rant over, lol.

Spendless

Would you be able to be pro-active in this on teams with a Hi, has anyone had any further thoughts re the office lunch - what are we all doing, all fetching some picnic bits in ti share  as we'll only get 45mins to an hour see what response you get or  you could also add in  or we can re-arrange that night out for bowling since Jenny can't make that date . I'm free all June.

I have several (individual)    friends I go out with BUT in the early days it was always me who asked them if they fancied a coffee and a catch up and I would say it's usually (though not always) still  me who makes first initiative.