Grievance query

AliceBanned

Hi

This is a very long story, some of it spanning five years, but the worst spanning two. I am unsure which direction to take.

I had to bring in a union rep to a meeting with HR and my head of dept as I knew my line manager was bullying and gaslighting me over a period of 2.5 years.  The union rep said meeting informally with the head of dept (one grade above my line manager, and her manager) about this couldn't make it worse as 'it can't get any worse' and even called it 'a witchhunt'.This had contributed to 3 failed promotion attempts where I knew the situation was a) making it hard for me to perform in interviews with her and b) there was probably not a chance in hell and in fact I won't go into detail but have written down the events, you couldn't make it up the efforts they made to block me, after 4 years good service. I've since found out that the gaslighting/rudeness/dishonesy (all of these) has happen to two other team members, though to nowhere near the extent it happened to me and they were already promoted so didn't need the help of this deranged person to be allowed a fair chance to progress. People have slowly realised they were dealing with someone pretty twisted, it was scarey. Thanks to me anyway ultimately she found another job but where I felt I should be happy, I'm not. The toxicity didn't start and end with her, how could it?!

The meetings were difficult and despite the union being there, eventually I got through to the head of dept on what was happening, though he's so defensive and on a third occasion he let rip at me in front of HR and union rep. Nothing was done about this. It was so difficult and painful and still is though i thought it was improving at times. I now realise this was because certain actions were agreed at the meetings, the behaviour on the surface dramatically changed, especially after the outburst, (to the level that people noticed and also believed that the head of dept liked me all of a sudden - strange that).

Now workload is changing and despite previous 'personal development plan' both managers (head and line manager) had agreed with me to 'help' me get the promotion, I gave it the benefit of the doubt though and went with it. Now someone who only joined a year ago has been handed the high profile work that I had expressed an interest in and was part of the PDP when basically the managers were trying to be goody two shoes and hope I don't go to a full grievance. The union rep explained that this was an informal grievance, that could be taken further, especially at first when he realised I wasn't being taken seriously. It is indeed very serious, my mental health has been affected and my social life and my finances although this promotion pays £3k more, not a massive difference and wasn't worth all the aggro. It was more for recognition of my work, which is sorely missing. It's so difficult because they are putting me into a position of resentment at work and it's hard not to feel negative - what is the point as that doesn't help them or me?! It's all very personal, especially now I've spoken up but maybe naively I and the union rep thought we could sort it.The union rep then went a bit distant as I think he had no idea what he was getting into. I even had to phone the union office and ask where he stands in the organisation and whether I shoudl find another rep, but he also got himself out of this one and started being nice. Seriously what is wrong, where are people's morals?!

I have pages of evidence but not any agreed witnesses - I doubt any would speak up though they know it's toxic. It's all been terrible and humiliating, devastating in fact. I really need the money as I am on £44k and can't earn that anywhere else, not easily anyway. There is another restructure in a few months, with apparently no loss of jobs but we still have to apply for the jobs we want. Very similar, it is basically due to changes in the method of delivering what we do. I don't want to go into too much detail on a public forum.

I am wondering whether the failure for them to follow up on the PDP and the clear return to previous behaviour by the head, means that the organisation has had their warning, and has continued to bully. Therefore this could be a case if I wish to raise a grievance and claim for bullying and harrassment. I know these things are even more difficult but to be honest I just need this to end. Thanks

Savvy_Sue

Honestly, if you think this has been going on for five years, the only way it will end is to leave. You can raise a formal grievance for bullying and harassment, but why do you think that would end it, if the informal route didn't achieve that. It is the best option for your mental health. 

AliceBanned

Thanks Savvy Sue for your straightforward response as ‘straightforward’ is difficult for me in the midst of all this! I am leaning towards that and I updated my CV on Indeed yesterday. There are other opportunities out there and I probably need to let go as they are not going to change.

other option is grievance which may not be upheld and then employment tribunal but my union rep was beginning to doubt how much more I could take and that process would put me through more. They aren’t worth it.

My friend who works in NHS said loads of people are off sick with stress due to workload and probably other factors and I have come close to needing that too but only had a few days. I don’t owe them anything but I am too dedicated to the people I work with and so have carried on suffering and feel close to burnout.

Marcon

AliceBanned said:

Thanks Savvy Sue for your straightforward response as ‘straightforward’ is difficult for me in the midst of all this! I am leaning towards that and I updated my CV on Indeed yesterday. There are other opportunities out there and I probably need to let go as they are not going to change.

other option is grievance which may not be upheld and then employment tribunal but my union rep was beginning to doubt how much more I could take and that process would put me through more. They aren’t worth it.

It's always hard, and often impossible, to take a step back from your own situation, but sometimes it helps to think of it as 'If a close friend gave me these facts, what would I suggest they did next?'.

Look at what you've said, particularly the sentence I've put in bold above. 

AliceBanned said:

My friend who works in NHS said loads of people are off sick with stress due to workload and probably other factors and I have come close to needing that too but only had a few days. I don’t owe them anything but I am too dedicated to the people I work with and so have carried on suffering and feel close to burnout.

You owe yourself something, too - and it isn't misguided martyrdom...

AliceBanned

Thanks Marcon. The hostility two people have shown towards me over a long time is probably not given a second thought by them yet I am using so much energy thinking about it. As it is impacting on me it’s far more serious and yes only I know this and fully understand it.

It is helpful to be reminded to step back and see the situation as though it were a close friend. Would definitely say stop the martyrdom and take better care of me. 😊. 

eamon

I also echo what Marcon & Savvy_Sue have said. Letting go is hard. Fighting/Arguing with your line manager & HR is imho is in the end a waste of your time & energy. Ditto with raising a formal grievance. Get you work data together and plan your escape.

Dakta

I'm not in exactly the same situation, but I am unhappy at my current role and (there is a thread on this) the consensus is to GTFO and find a new role.

Main reason I've clung on is because of that risk of change factor, wanting to resolve rather than walk away (i,e leave things somewhat unresolved/not a just outcome etc). However logically speaking its sometimes unarguably the best outcome because one of the nasty things in life is that you can't always resolve a situation, being right sometimes is not enough, fairness does not always prevail,  sometimes progress is simply finding better for yourself*

What I'm saying is no matter the rights and wrongs it might just be better for you, your stress levels and actually more productive to make the jump - even if a positive outcome could be eventually had in your existing situation (the search for such could also serve only to prolong the pain) 

*Trying to convince myself it as I type it 

AliceBanned

Thanks Dakta - sorry to hear you are suffering too. it does seem more common than I thought. I spoke to my GP yesterday who was strongly emphasising the impact this has on mental and physical health. I need those extra pushes, people who really take what I say and feel at face value. I went back to my manager’s manager and got an extension on a deadline. Being true to myself and knowing that whatever they say, I am competent but overworked and undermined. He actually acknowledged I was v busy rather than the usual eye rolling and blame. These small victories and changes in myself which help me fight in a quiet way are what it’s about for me while I’m still there - building my self esteem and hope.

Much like you I wanted a resolution as my gut feeling was this is so wrong and I needed to stand up to it, for my own growth as much as anything g else. I couldn’t stop the thoughts running through my head, and the shock at the repeated blows to my feelings and career. I needed to process it for some reason and not ‘run away’. I took on the fight, tested the waters and was then left with disgust at the managers, HR and even the union for their negligence. I am slowly progressing on my own journey without them and do feel moving on is the right thing. I’m also willing to go off sick now if it really gets bad ever again. It’s a form of protection.

the line manager gave her notice in 3 months ago and doesn’t seem to want to leave. She sent a message yesterday about a team lunch today. I didn’t go to her first leaving do so no way am I carrrying on the pretence and I feel good for it. I’m focused on my work and not her. She’s a sad narcissist with a very destructive attitude but is clever too so has fooled a lot of people. I have decided to put in as many boundaries as possible to protect myself and can’t wait until she’s gone - not even clear which day yet. Thankfully I’m mostly working from home.

I have a mega busy few days but after that I’ll take a look at your thread. I work days and evenings sometimes two days in a row! It’s tough and I manage it well but yes the lack of any true perception of my skills, hard work and work ethic means they lose rather than me staying to keep being humiliated. I have my eye on a new role already and starting that journey. You are right the fear of change is a factor, we can do this!😊 Take care of yourself😊.

AliceBanned

I agree eamon. As soon as you raise even an informal complaint and want to work with them in a reasonable way, the idiots start victim blaming. The union rep does not understand the nuances imo and HR definitely don’t! It really is they don’t give a F even if they end up with a worst case scenario (someone taking their own life and even then they’d absolve themselves of responsibility). I am having counselling and nowhere close to doing this btw, but it got bad enough that I could see how it could happen to someone. 

In a strange way they’ve rebuilt my confidence because I can hold my head high about my resilience and professionalism and they know I have some dangerous evidence so they are watching their step. Apart from line manager. As she’s resigned she is attempting as many parting shots as possible but I don’t have to give a sh£t as she’s out the door. At least I had a small victory - she fell apart when things were coming to light and I had HR bullying & harassment course in my diary (deliberately not private entry) plus union meetings. We can all play those games if we need to survive. But I never wanted games, just want a clean break and to work, all I ever wanted from work! 

caprikid1

" really need the money as I am on £44k and can't earn that anywhere else, not easily anyway."

I think this is the problem, the more you prod and poke and raise grievances the less they will want to promote you as you are likely to be viewed as a trouble maker. Personally getting unions involved rarely is viewed positively within an organisation..

Sorry to here you are in the situation you are , I can imagine it's frustrating.

Why are you going to struggle to earn the same elsewhere ? If you get another pay rise you make a move even harder. 

Undervalued

caprikid1 said:

" really need the money as I am on £44k and can't earn that anywhere else, not easily anyway."

I think this is the problem, the more you prod and poke and raise grievances the less they will want to promote you as you are likely to be viewed as a trouble maker. Personally getting unions involved rarely is viewed positively within an organisation..

Sorry to here you are in the situation you are , I can imagine it's frustrating.

Why are you going to struggle to earn the same elsewhere ? If you get another pay rise you make a move even harder. 

I agree.

It depends a little on the type of organisation but, to a greater or lesser extent, that is generally true.

You may win the battle but in most situations you won't win the war.