Grievance query

Undervalued

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

OP I’ve been in a situation that while not quite the same as yours, still was a bad experience and was on the end of some bad treatment. I stayed for longer than I should have- after I moved into a job where I was treated with respect I wondered why I didn’t move jobs sooner. 

I know that there is a fear about your confidence and self belief ie to get another job but if you try to put some of that aside and reflect on what you’ve achieved in your role then this should help you apply for other roles. 

I hope you realize your own self worth and that you deserve to be somewhere where you get treated well. Life is too short to stay somewhere where you are miserable. 

Thank you Josephine. I fear that it won’t be any better somewhere new but I can’t know that. So I guess on some level I’m not sure I deserve better but need to try. When I stop feeling exhausted.

You definitely do deserve better! And you have the experience of knowing what isn’t a good situation to inform you going forward to know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

Honestly I’ve been in your situation and had my self esteem and self belief completely crushed by someone, but it is possible to get past it and realise your self worth. 

Perhaps when you have taken some time to rest and recover you could spend some time assessing your skills, experience and achievements, reflect on what you’ve achieved in your career to date and try to see past the negative experience to try and help you get that confidence to apply elsewhere. 

Remember making an application is just the first step to a new role. You get to assess a new future job in the same way that someone will assess you at interview. 

You can do it! 

Thanks Josephine, your words are much needed. I am working with a counsellor and a career mentor but I think I do need recovery first 😕. I don’t know because I haven’t been so badly affected by anything at work before but I did nothing wrong and am still suffering so shouldn’t just carry on and not put myself first.

incidentally this manager left a snide comment on the team WhatsApp yesterday (a day after she left the organisation) ‘some of you will be missed’. This was sent from ex line manager to the team.🙈🤷‍♀️😳. We know who we are that won’t be missed. Honestly she can’t help herself! So intrusive and affected my weekend. Her manager is in the group but won’t bother, will think it’s trivial as it didn’t happen to him.

Given that she has left the firm in what way could her (ex) manager "bother" about something she has posted on social media?

Alice I am sorry to be blunt but, difficult as this may be, I don't see a happy ending if you remain with this firm. Regardless of the rights and wrongs (and there are always two sides) these situations don't end well. I really would urge you to devote your energy to looking for a different job.

AliceBanned

Undervalued said:

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

OP I’ve been in a situation that while not quite the same as yours, still was a bad experience and was on the end of some bad treatment. I stayed for longer than I should have- after I moved into a job where I was treated with respect I wondered why I didn’t move jobs sooner. 

I know that there is a fear about your confidence and self belief ie to get another job but if you try to put some of that aside and reflect on what you’ve achieved in your role then this should help you apply for other roles. 

I hope you realize your own self worth and that you deserve to be somewhere where you get treated well. Life is too short to stay somewhere where you are miserable. 

Thank you Josephine. I fear that it won’t be any better somewhere new but I can’t know that. So I guess on some level I’m not sure I deserve better but need to try. When I stop feeling exhausted.

You definitely do deserve better! And you have the experience of knowing what isn’t a good situation to inform you going forward to know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

Honestly I’ve been in your situation and had my self esteem and self belief completely crushed by someone, but it is possible to get past it and realise your self worth. 

Perhaps when you have taken some time to rest and recover you could spend some time assessing your skills, experience and achievements, reflect on what you’ve achieved in your career to date and try to see past the negative experience to try and help you get that confidence to apply elsewhere. 

Remember making an application is just the first step to a new role. You get to assess a new future job in the same way that someone will assess you at interview. 

You can do it! 

Thanks Josephine, your words are much needed. I am working with a counsellor and a career mentor but I think I do need recovery first 😕. I don’t know because I haven’t been so badly affected by anything at work before but I did nothing wrong and am still suffering so shouldn’t just carry on and not put myself first.

incidentally this manager left a snide comment on the team WhatsApp yesterday (a day after she left the organisation) ‘some of you will be missed’. This was sent from ex line manager to the team.🙈🤷‍♀️😳. We know who we are that won’t be missed. Honestly she can’t help herself! So intrusive and affected my weekend. Her manager is in the group but won’t bother, will think it’s trivial as it didn’t happen to him.

Given that she has left the firm in what way could her (ex) manager "bother" about something she has posted on social media?

Alice I am sorry to be blunt but, difficult as this may be, I don't see a happy ending if you remain with this firm. Regardless of the rights and wrongs (and there are always two sides) these situations don't end well. I really would urge you to devote your energy to looking for a different job.

I know what you are saying about moving on. 

But it’s not on social media - it’s official business continuity group that we can’t avoid being in. He should bother because it is evidence in black and white that he recruited someone unprofessional at best, twisted at worst. Also it demonstrates that as line manager she was unprofessional and biased which is what my complaint was about, and more than that was capable of outright hostility to at least some of the team. As line manager she should be upholding better values than this. Yes she has left but she is communicating hostility and the crux of it is she abused her position over a long period of time, damaging morale and health. And there’s nothing wrong with this? It’s a very serious matter with worst-case scenario leading to people getting ill or worse. And the fact that she can’t just go but even after leaving needs to send such messages really says it all. 

Undervalued

AliceBanned said:

Undervalued said:

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

AliceBanned said:

josephine82 said:

OP I’ve been in a situation that while not quite the same as yours, still was a bad experience and was on the end of some bad treatment. I stayed for longer than I should have- after I moved into a job where I was treated with respect I wondered why I didn’t move jobs sooner. 

I know that there is a fear about your confidence and self belief ie to get another job but if you try to put some of that aside and reflect on what you’ve achieved in your role then this should help you apply for other roles. 

I hope you realize your own self worth and that you deserve to be somewhere where you get treated well. Life is too short to stay somewhere where you are miserable. 

Thank you Josephine. I fear that it won’t be any better somewhere new but I can’t know that. So I guess on some level I’m not sure I deserve better but need to try. When I stop feeling exhausted.

You definitely do deserve better! And you have the experience of knowing what isn’t a good situation to inform you going forward to know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

Honestly I’ve been in your situation and had my self esteem and self belief completely crushed by someone, but it is possible to get past it and realise your self worth. 

Perhaps when you have taken some time to rest and recover you could spend some time assessing your skills, experience and achievements, reflect on what you’ve achieved in your career to date and try to see past the negative experience to try and help you get that confidence to apply elsewhere. 

Remember making an application is just the first step to a new role. You get to assess a new future job in the same way that someone will assess you at interview. 

You can do it! 

Thanks Josephine, your words are much needed. I am working with a counsellor and a career mentor but I think I do need recovery first 😕. I don’t know because I haven’t been so badly affected by anything at work before but I did nothing wrong and am still suffering so shouldn’t just carry on and not put myself first.

incidentally this manager left a snide comment on the team WhatsApp yesterday (a day after she left the organisation) ‘some of you will be missed’. This was sent from ex line manager to the team.🙈🤷‍♀️😳. We know who we are that won’t be missed. Honestly she can’t help herself! So intrusive and affected my weekend. Her manager is in the group but won’t bother, will think it’s trivial as it didn’t happen to him.

Given that she has left the firm in what way could her (ex) manager "bother" about something she has posted on social media?

Alice I am sorry to be blunt but, difficult as this may be, I don't see a happy ending if you remain with this firm. Regardless of the rights and wrongs (and there are always two sides) these situations don't end well. I really would urge you to devote your energy to looking for a different job.

I know what you are saying about moving on. 

But it’s not on social media - it’s official business continuity group that we can’t avoid being in. He should bother because it is evidence in black and white that he recruited someone unprofessional at best, twisted at worst. Also it demonstrates that as line manager she was unprofessional and biased which is what my complaint was about, and more than that was capable of outright hostility to at least some of the team. As line manager she should be upholding better values than this. Yes she has left but she is communicating hostility and the crux of it is she abused her position over a long period of time, damaging morale and health. And there’s nothing wrong with this? It’s a very serious matter with worst-case scenario leading to people getting ill or worse. And the fact that she can’t just go but even after leaving needs to send such messages really says it all. 

Maybe so. However fuming about this, even if justified, is not going to help resolve your situation. They can't change the past, even if they wanted to. Given the history, realistically the chances of the whole ethos of the place changing so that working there becomes a pleasant experience for you are slim (at best).

 

AliceBanned

Thanks Undervalued I see what you mean. This has been the urge of previous posters I guess, to get me to let go and ignore all that and move forward. 

I’m not so much fuming as shocked at the ongoing lack of propriety but maybe I’m naive in that case. Another colleague being treated badly said the best thing is to do bare minimum and move on when he can ie not let it get to him in meantime. But the change in his demeanour over the past two years due to ongoing micromanagement and rudeness is evident. 

elsien

The team business continuity group is on WhatsApp? And they allow people who’ve left the company to stay in the group? Can’t see that ending well. 

josephine82

I think I would echo the other posters above; whilst behaviour of ex-employees and managers isn’t appropriate/correct, I wonder if going over and over the behaviour/issue is fuelling your fire and maybe causing you to spend too much energy on this. 

Someone said to me once on reflection that what I did in a bad situation wasn’t going to have any control over the culture or behaviour of others especially when that culture has built up over a number of years, or is related to one particular person that will never leave. 

Yes it’s frustrating to witness that things don’t get taken seriously and don’t change, but you individually will have little to ability to change anyones behaviour or work culture. 

The best you can do is look after yourself and focus your energies into building yourself back up and identifying a new opportunity and future for you. 

Dakta

Reading this I'm a bit concerned you're a bit stuck on righting the wrongs with this employer, and my concern is you'll expend a lot of energy, effort and angst on a pointless venture without reaping much benefit to yourself. This is a rare moment in life where you need to be selfish and look out for, and only, yourself and getting to a better position *regardless* of the affairs of your current place.

Bad stuffs happening in the workplace everywhere,you can't fix it but you can move the gamepeices so you're better off.

If I'm in any way right with that I refer again to my own thread from which I think I have the same issue, so it's a bit hypocritical to say focus on moving onwards to better but I think it's the sensible answer. (at least when it's me giving the advice to someone else lol)

AliceBanned

Thanks Josephine and Dakta. I think you are both right. I actually felt quite I’ll today and took time off. I don’t feel I can carry on at the moment so need a bit more time off. I can’t see beyond that. It’s the only way I feel ok right now, avoiding them.☹️

Dakta

I nearly did the same last week, only thing that stopped me is not being sure what I'd do with the time. There's no point being at home if you're just going to think about it all the time. I can't think of anything distracting enough

I'm not one for taking time off for anything but I just can't stand the environment. I did take some al a few weeks ago but it was itself a nightmare

AliceBanned

Dakta said:

I nearly did the same last week, only thing that stopped me is not being sure what I'd do with the time. There's no point being at home if you're just going to think about it all the time. I can't think of anything distracting enough

I'm not one for taking time off for anything but I just can't stand the environment. I did take some al a few weeks ago but it was itself a nightmare

I find loads to do and quickly become a bit happier when I’m off. I think about it a lot but it gets easier as time goes on. Not saying I’m mega fulfilled in my life outside work but anything is better than constant pressure and deadlines. I feel better today but really need to address the issue of overwork. It’s hard because of the toxicity on top of that.