If I don't stop today, I will lose everything.

deannagone

If its any help, I really don't think you are the only person who thinks 'funny videos' aren't.  My ex used to read silly childish jokes out to me and watch videos and I'd just yawn and think 'how silly'.  And yes, it did make me feel a bit odd.., but I don't care anymore. I am who I am, just as other people are (be as kind to yourself as you would be to other people when appreciating that everyone is different). 

I think the counselling idea is a really good one, but discuss with your therapist how to deal with times when a session closes and something has come up that is still hard to deal with. Find ways to help you cope with that.

It could be that your wife needs to have her emotions made valid by you being able to empathise with ones she experiences, that's possibly something she could look at rather than finding fault with you because you don't respond the same way. 

Retireby40

So abit of an update a few weeks since I posted. The actions I've taken are:

-I have started running again. Have been out 5 or 6 times the last 3 weeks or so. Nothing too far 5-6km. Has made me feel better.

- I haven't had any alcohol despite attending a family birthday and being in and around pubs 3 or 4 times. It hasn't bothered me at all. Has probably helped my mental state.

- I have organised to start with a therapist to see if there's a way I can become slightly more emotional/empathetic and to see if overall things like patience or just being a happier, better person can be achieved. I don't know if I will be able to afford the sessions long term but for the next 4-6 weeks I will try.

I still feel stressed at times, overwhelmed, I still worry about the future nothing too concrete but just trying to organise my life in the sense that whatever throws itself myself I have a roof over my head, food, money for my kids and I can start again and be dependent on me. Not anyone else.

AA isn't for me. While I have a problem with drinking and AA isn't just people who drink everyday etc etc I am going to focus just on controlling it in the sense of not drinking it and see where it leads me. As I said before I don't ever have urges for alcohol, unlike pizza or whatever. Its when I have 4 or 5 I want 10 more. So if I don't have 1 nor 4 or 5 it can't cause me a problem. Or my family a problem.

Anyway thanks for all the advice. It's been very useful. I will keep popping in here maybe every few weeks to record what's happening. Have a good weekend everyone!!

tooldle

Thanks for the update. Lots of positives in your post. Keep ploughing on.