Ex partner lives in our mortgaged home

Section62

Pookiecomps said:

I have paid for a copy of the deeds, and will apply for child maintenance. 

From what you have all said, my best option seems to be force of sale. Is this a simple process? Is it a case of just contacting a solicitor and letting them do the rest? I will definitely contact a solicitor for the suggested free legal advice.

Speak to a solicitor before doing anything else*, including making an application to the CMS.

You need to know your options and do any preparatory work before he becomes aware of your intentions.  Being contacted out of the blue by CMS will alert him to the possibility you are taking other action, which may give him time to do things which are financially detrimental to you.

For the same reason, the '*' above is that the one thing you should do without delay (if you haven't already) is to set up a Land Registry alert for the property.  That way if he tries to sell or remortgage you should find out about it before too much damage is done.

Find a good solicitor who specialises in family law, ideally one whose bio refers to "TOLATA".  To some extent their specialisms are more important than using one who advertises that they give free advice.

Twixty3

Pookiecomps said:

elsien said:

Forcing a sale is likely to prove very expensive. Is there really no chance of him buying your equity out? 

He offered me 15k (verbally) earlier this year as he said that's all he could afford as he'd be taking the mortgage alone. The equity in the house is roughly 80-90k and I realise I may not be entitled to much due to him paying the mortgage the past 3 years, but I don't want to settle on 15k if I am infact entitled to more. As you say, it will become expensive and I fear I will probably end up walking away with very little if it ends up as a court battle, so 15k may be my best solution. Going forward, seeking legal advice seems a sensible option as suggested by a previous reply.

Thank you.

It is unlikely to become a battle as he has no defence really so you would just present your case and he his for a decision.  Courts would like to see it settled for both of you as they would likely  see him as being obstructive to a settlement.  

It would be much better if he could buy you out at a more sensible price and means he won’t have to look for somewhere else to live so perhaps he isn’t helping himself either.   Maybe the threat of a forced sale  could make him budge. 

k3lvc

Pookiecomps said:

Hi there,

3 years ago, I left mine and my ex-partner's (not married) mortgaged home, with my children, and have been renting since. Both our names are on the mortgage.

My reasons for leaving were due to his behaviour towards me and the effects this was having on our children. 

Not wanting to be pedantic but it will have bearing - are they 'my' children or 'our' children and if 'our' does he have any contact with them ?

RAS

This is Pookie's thread.

Pookiecomps. Based on the fact that you were not married, and assuming that you didn't sign any sort of deed of trust when you bought the house; you are only entitled to 50% of the current equity. If you'd been married it would possibly be more.

Glad you've downloaded the deeds. Did you set up the Property Alert? That is important as it prevents your ex securing any more debt against the property.

Going forward; certainly start by putting a claim into CMS. The claim only starts the day you claim, so get on with it pronto.

I'd suggest you talk to Woman's Aid or possibly the Survivor's Trust and consider going to the police to report his behaviour. At least get your situation on their system.

Then get some legal advice. Assuming England or Wales? One option is that you serve the tenancy; at the moment you probably both jointly own 100% of the property, which means that if either of you die, the sole survivor become the sole owner of 100%. If you severe the tenancy, you each own 50% of the property.

I mentioned this in another thread but haven't been able to locate the thread written over several years by someone who fled domestic violence. She got an order for sale, then had to get an occupation order because he ex tried to scupper any sale. Even after she moved in, he said he'd refuse to sign the sale documents so she was considering going back to court to get the judge to sign instead.

This isn't quick; expect it to take at least two years. 

And if the house price goes up, expect the value of your share to go up as well. 

Section62

Twixty3 said:

It is unlikely to become a battle as he has no defence really so you would just present your case and he his for a decision.  Courts would like to see it settled for both of you as they would likely  see him as being obstructive to a settlement.  

You can't say that.  He notionally owns 50% of the property and has paid the mortgage for the last 3 years. The property is currently his home. (OP hasn't mentioned any other people living in the property, which could also be relevant).

In a case like this it isn't a question of having a 'defence'.  Each side will have an argument about why their proposed split of the property is fairer than the other's.  If it gets to court, the court will consider the arguments and determine what they consider to be fair overall.

There's a process to be gone through in advance, including (usually) attempting mediation, and failing to engage in the process may count against you. But the ex is entitled to have his view on what a fair spilt of the property should be, and provided he engages in the process constructively then the court would not "see him as being obstructive".  The important part is to be willing to listen to the other side, not necessarily having to agree with them.

Section62

RAS said:

Going forward; certainly start by putting a claim into CMS. The claim only starts the day you claim, so get on with it pronto.

For the reasons I gave above, I disagree with this.

Legal advice should come before any action which could alert the ex to the OP taking a more formal route to getting what she deserves.

In the scheme of things a few extra weeks or months worth of CMS payments are likely to be trivial in comparison to the sums of money involved with the house, and the cost of legal action to obtain a resolution.

pinkshoes

Pookiecomps said:

Thank you all for your replies, they are much appreciated.

I have paid for a copy of the deeds, and will apply for child maintenance. 

From what you have all said, my best option seems to be force of sale. Is this a simple process? Is it a case of just contacting a solicitor and letting them do the rest? I will definitely contact a solicitor for the suggested free legal advice.

I realise I sound naive, I probably am. I was young when we took out the mortgage, and he is slightly older and had control of everything. 

I have tried talking to him regarding the house and potentially selling. Unfortunately, he is rather good at manipulating me, making me feel bad for even considering it, he has even threatened to take his life over it. The reality is that he probably won't of course, but in that moment I can't help but think "what if?". Hence my constant burying of head in the sand.

I am struggling, but as mentioned, I really need to de-link myself from him. 

Thank you again for your replies, I realise it won't be a pleasant process, but one that I need to pluck the courage up and get on with 🙂

I would do some research.

He may have been paying the mortgage but you have been paying rent which was much higher. 

Work out approximately how much he owes in child maintenance.

I would then work out a figure that you WOULD be happy to settle for. £15k is too low if there is £90k equity potentially, but would you settle for £40k on the basis you would not chase him for any unpaid child support from the past?

Once you have worked out what you WOULD settle for, then put it in writing and give him 28 days to respond in writing. Be precise and make the conditions clear. 

Make it clear that if a settlement cannot be reached, you will force the sale through the court which will eat up a huge amount of the equity and it is highly likely as the main caregiver to the kids you would be awarded more than 50% of the remaining equity after costs.

It's not your fault he threatened to end his life over it. The guy clearly has issues but that is not YOUR problem. You need to be assertive and clear with him about what you want, and what is going to happen if he doesn't cooperate.

Pookiecomps

Apologies, they are our children, and this was genuinely a silly error on my part. They spend time with their dad on an almost weekly basis (every day off he has) and I have never refused any access. I have no concerns about his behaviour towards them. If I did, then I would not allow it, of course. I have always wanted our children to have a relationship with their dad as I believe it is important for them and have always tried to keep everything as 'normal' as possible for them. My eldest originally struggled with the transition, and COVID certainly didn't make it any easier for her, so I sought professional help for her who also stressed the importance of a relationship with dad. Fortunately, she is now coping well.

His behaviour was solely towards me. Very possessive, not physical. Very controlling mentally. Each time I tried to leave there was alot of arguing and my mental health was terrible. I left because I didn't want put our children through a war zone and to become a better parent. 

Noone else lives in the house, I am still in contact with my old neighbours who have contact with him which is how I know. He does not allow me near or in the house. The locks have been changed, and he has cameras outside (once used to keep tabs on me) which trigger a notification to his phone if any movement is detected. He will always collect the children from outside my rented property. Everything has always been on his terms, and stupidly I have allowed it. Although, in all honesty, I don't want to go back to that house with him still living there so I have had no reason to challenge it.

From your replies, I think what is clear, is that living in that house will not be an option for me, so selling or him buying me out are the favourable options which I will certainly seek legal advice for.

I realise this has become very personal, due to the different layers, which I never intended it to be. I lack confidence and I am embarrassed to talk about my situation to other people. Online has its perks. Most people think that me and the father have a very amicable relationship for the children's sake (including the children) which people always comment on that they admire. But, unfortunately, it is just a very good act.

But no more, I need to move on for good.

Thank you all for your time, advice and understanding. 

Section62

pinkshoes said:

Make it clear that if a settlement cannot be reached, you will force the sale through the court which will eat up a huge amount of the equity and it is highly likely as the main caregiver to the kids you would be awarded more than 50% of the remaining equity after costs.

If they were married and more than 50% of the equity was needed to rehouse the OP and the children then yes, that could be likely.

But without a marriage, and with the housing situation relatively settled, this won't necessarily count for much in what a court decides is a fair split of equity.

Without wishing to alarm the OP, it can also be a risky strategy to pursue, as the ex may be advised to counter that strategy with an application for the children to live with them on a 50/50 basis (or more) in order to neutralise the financial claim.  He sounds like a troubled person, and with a good solicitor he could cause more problems than currently exist.

This is a difficult and complex legal situation which needs professional advice.

TBagpuss

Section62 said:

Speak to a solicitor before doing anything else*, including making an application to the CMS.

You need to know your options and do any preparatory work before he becomes aware of your intentions.  Being contacted out of the blue by CMS will alert him to the possibility you are taking other action, which may give him time to do things which are financially detrimental to you.

For the same reason, the '*' above is that the one thing you should do without delay (if you haven't already) is to set up a Land Registry alert for the property.  That way if he tries to sell or remortgage you should find out about it before too much damage is done.

Find a good solicitor who specialises in family law, ideally one whose bio refers to "TOLATA".  To some extent their specialisms are more important than using one who advertises that they give free advice.

I disagree. CMS can't be backdated so the sooner you apply the better.

IF the house is in joint names then there is not a lot he can do - if it were in his sole name the situation would be differnet but as it stands, he couldn't sell or remortgage without your cooperation.

IF you apply to court it would be under TOLATA - (Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act) It is unlikely that he would be entitled to a larger share of the equity simply becaue he has been living in the property for the last 3 years, and if he were, it would be limited to any capital reducation of the mortgage. However, it's not a strong argument as he has had the benefit of living in the hoseu during that time.

The court can force a sale and if he is obstructive, can oder thathe be responsible for th your costs as well as his own, however, it's essential that the legal and proceedural rules are followed correctly so do get professional advice. ToLATA claims are normally seen as Civil LItigation rather than family law (as the couirtrules whichgovern thm are differnet to those for finacial claims on divorce)  although this can depend a little on the indvidual expertise of the solicitors involved, so I would recommend that you contact a firm which has both a family and a litigation department.

While it is possible to mak applications under the Children Act for finacial support it is unlikely that you would get an order to stay in the house. 

If he was in a psoisution t o buy you out then there is no reason why he can't do so, but he would need to be able to get you released from the mortgage and to pay you a fair sahre, so if the net equit y is current £80-£90K he would need to be able to get a mortgage from whatever the current mortgage is + £40-£45K, so £15K is far less than you would nbe entitled to * 

(*This assumes that the to of you don't have a declaration of trust saying you own in unequal shares. IF you do, then you need to read that to work out what you are enetitled to in acordancewith that Deed / Declaration)