Ex partner lives in our mortgaged home

Pookiecomps

Hi there,

3 years ago, I left mine and my ex-partner's (not married) mortgaged home, with my children, and have been renting since. Both our names are on the mortgage.

My reasons for leaving were due to his behaviour towards me and the effects this was having on our children. He refused to leave, so I did. At the time I was advised by the council to stay in the home and get legal advice, but back then, all I wanted to do was get out. I now realise this may have been a big mistake on my part. At the time, I was a full time student and knew I would be unable to take the mortgage on my own or buy him out, so I did what I thought was the best option, to stop him from having control over us, and left. (I know, I know, many people have told me I was stupid to do so, and that I should have stayed put!)

Since then, he has continued to live in the home and pay the mortgage, whilst I have rented elsewhere and have moved 3 times as my landlords have continued to sell up.

Due to this instability, and the fact that my rent is double to cost of the mortgage, I am really struggling. He does not pay me any money towards the children either. I am wondering if I have any right to live in the home with our children and to force him to leave? Particularly as I have not been the one paying the mortgage or living in the home for the past 3 years? 

He is not in a position to buy me out, so my other option would be to force him to sell, of course. Would this be a better option? Although, even with him buying me out, I still wouldn't be in a position to get a mortgage on my own.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm not sure where to go for advice, all the mortgage paperwork/deeds etc are in his possession also. 

This is a difficult post for me, and reading through it, I feel like a fool. I have buried my head in the sand for so long, so please no judgement.

Thank you all 🙂

RAS

Sorry to hear your story. 

Start by paying £3 to get a copy of the deeds at the Land Registry HM Land Registry - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk), avoiding all the paid ads for companies who charge x10.

From that you can get details of the mortgage provider, hopefully. Meantime also set up a property alert. 

And then ask the mortgage provider to give you copies of everything for the account. You may need to get the account number and do a Subject Access Request.

sheramber

You have a right to live in the house but  he has an equal right so no, you cannot force him out.

Nor can he prevent you moving back in.

You could  apply to the  Child Maintenance Service to get him to pay maintenance
https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

TheJP

sheramber said:

You have a right to live in the house but  he has an equal right so no, you cannot force him out.

Nor can he prevent you moving back in.

You could  apply to the  Child Maintenance Service to get him to pay maintenance
https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service

They could force a sale via a court order, based on the fact of ill treatment when they were together and the fact this clown hasn't paid anything in regards to child maintenance i think the OP has a good case for force of sale.

ironlady2022

You have right to live there and so does he. As he's been paying mortgage, he could argue a bigger share of the equity, meaning he pays you less to buy you out.

If he cannot, then the sale of the property is best to delink your finances for good. 

[Deleted User]

Pookiecomps said:

Hi there,

3 years ago, I left mine and my ex-partner's (not married) mortgaged home, with my children, and have been renting since. Both our names are on the mortgage.

My reasons for leaving were due to his behaviour towards me and the effects this was having on our children. He refused to leave, so I did. At the time I was advised by the council to stay in the home and get legal advice, but back then, all I wanted to do was get out. I now realise this may have been a big mistake on my part. At the time, I was a full time student and knew I would be unable to take the mortgage on my own or buy him out, so I did what I thought was the best option, to stop him from having control over us, and left. (I know, I know, many people have told me I was stupid to do so, and that I should have stayed put!)

Since then, he has continued to live in the home and pay the mortgage, whilst I have rented elsewhere and have moved 3 times as my landlords have continued to sell up.

Due to this instability, and the fact that my rent is double to cost of the mortgage, I am really struggling. He does not pay me any money towards the children either. I am wondering if I have any right to live in the home with our children and to force him to leave? Particularly as I have not been the one paying the mortgage or living in the home for the past 3 years? 

He is not in a position to buy me out, so my other option would be to force him to sell, of course. Would this be a better option? Although, even with him buying me out, I still wouldn't be in a position to get a mortgage on my own.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm not sure where to go for advice, all the mortgage paperwork/deeds etc are in his possession also. 

This is a difficult post for me, and reading through it, I feel like a fool. I have buried my head in the sand for so long, so please no judgement.

Thank you all 🙂

So sorry to hear your story. You don't sound a fool at all. You prioritised yours and your children's safety and well-being which was the right decision at the time. Have you consulted a solicitor about this, perhaps under a free 1/2 hour or hour service that many do? I would probably follow the advice from others re deeds and mortgage info and then go to a free appointment with this info and take it from there.

Pookiecomps

Thank you all for your replies, they are much appreciated.

I have paid for a copy of the deeds, and will apply for child maintenance. 

From what you have all said, my best option seems to be force of sale. Is this a simple process? Is it a case of just contacting a solicitor and letting them do the rest? I will definitely contact a solicitor for the suggested free legal advice.

I realise I sound naive, I probably am. I was young when we took out the mortgage, and he is slightly older and had control of everything. 

I have tried talking to him regarding the house and potentially selling. Unfortunately, he is rather good at manipulating me, making me feel bad for even considering it, he has even threatened to take his life over it. The reality is that he probably won't of course, but in that moment I can't help but think "what if?". Hence my constant burying of head in the sand.

I am struggling, but as mentioned, I really need to de-link myself from him. 

Thank you again for your replies, I realise it won't be a pleasant process, but one that I need to pluck the courage up and get on with 🙂

elsien

Forcing a sale is likely to prove very expensive. Is there really no chance of him buying your equity out? 

Pookiecomps

elsien said:

Forcing a sale is likely to prove very expensive. Is there really no chance of him buying your equity out? 

He offered me 15k (verbally) earlier this year as he said that's all he could afford as he'd be taking the mortgage alone. The equity in the house is roughly 80-90k and I realise I may not be entitled to much due to him paying the mortgage the past 3 years, but I don't want to settle on 15k if I am infact entitled to more. As you say, it will become expensive and I fear I will probably end up walking away with very little if it ends up as a court battle, so 15k may be my best solution. Going forward, seeking legal advice seems a sensible option as suggested by a previous reply.

Thank you.

SusieT

Pookiecomps said:

elsien said:

Forcing a sale is likely to prove very expensive. Is there really no chance of him buying your equity out? 

He offered me 15k (verbally) earlier this year as he said that's all he could afford as he'd be taking the mortgage alone. The equity in the house is roughly 80-90k and I realise I may not be entitled to much due to him paying the mortgage the past 3 years, but I don't want to settle on 15k if I am infact entitled to more. As you say, it will become expensive and I fear I will probably end up walking away with very little if it ends up as a court battle, so 15k may be my best solution. Going forward, seeking legal advice seems a sensible option as suggested by a previous reply.

Thank you.

He may have been paying the mortgage, but you have been paying rent, and it could be that he should have been paying you rent on our part of the house or something. Worth talking to a solicitor to see your options, some do a free first consultation

Soot2006

ironlady2022 said:

You have right to live there and so does he. As he's been paying mortgage, he could argue a bigger share of the equity, meaning he pays you less to buy you out.

It sounds as though he hasn't been paying rent for the "other" half of the house. And also no child support.

I think a court would be favourable if it came to it.

OP - get a free half hour with a solicitor. It could well be worth putting a bit of money into this to get it right. You are likely to be entitled to 50% of the equity. Since you haven' lived in the house for a while, a clean start would be better. I know you say you can't get a mortgage on your own, but that also means you can't buy him out, which means staying financially connected. That doesn't seem like a great plan given what you've told us. So get the house sold; get your half of the money; get child support from him and then see how things work out.