Separation/divorce, kids rights and outside office

ironlady2022

She's deliberately working less to look poor on paper. Watch she will be pulling out all the tricks now. 

Mattpoker

Yes, when she thought she was definitely going to have the house, she said she'd work all the hours needed to cover bills. Since sharing equally, she's cut down on work. 
She's also telling the kids she can't afford to buy things and for them to ask for them during my weeks.
Nice.
Surely bank records showing 6 months of earnings going up and then crashing down day I agree joint parenting time is too obvious to ignore?

I'm getting mixed replies from experts on if we sell the house, would a court require us to be in a 3 bed if we have 2 children? One said yes another said no as long as the lounge is big enough for a sofa bed. Today's market prices, this would make a huge difference on what we could both afford.

DE_612183

Matt - I think the bedroom things are based on childrens ages and sex - ie I don't think you can have 2 x 12 years one girl one boy in the same bedroom - how that's enforced I don't know, but it sort of makes sense.

Savvy_Sue

DE_612183 said:

Matt - I think the bedroom things are based on childrens ages and sex - ie I don't think you can have 2 x 12 years one girl one boy in the same bedroom - how that's enforced I don't know, but it sort of makes sense.

It isn't / can't be enforced in any meaningful way. It would be applied if the OP was applying for council / social housing, in that

Section 325 of the Housing Act 1985 provides that there is overcrowding wherever there are so many people in a house that any two or more of those persons, being ten or more years old, and of opposite sexes, not being persons living together as husband and wife, have to sleep in the same room.

BUT all that means is they won't allow you to bid on a property which would mean you were going to be overcrowded in that narrow technical sense. However if there was a separate lounge and dining room, they'd suggest you used one of those as a bedroom, and if you were already living in an overcrowded situation they wouldn't necessarily be able to offer you anything larger. 

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

Yes, when she thought she was definitely going to have the house, she said she'd work all the hours needed to cover bills. Since sharing equally, she's cut down on work. 
She's also telling the kids she can't afford to buy things and for them to ask for them during my weeks.
Nice.
Surely bank records showing 6 months of earnings going up and then crashing down day I agree joint parenting time is too obvious to ignore?

I'm getting mixed replies from experts on if we sell the house, would a court require us to be in a 3 bed if we have 2 children? One said yes another said no as long as the lounge is big enough for a sofa bed. Today's market prices, this would make a huge difference on what we could both afford.

I'm not really sure what you are pushing at here. In theory yes you could say she's not maximising her earnings but I doubt a court is going to look at it in minute detail and all she really would need to say is that she found the demands of working and parenting to be too much and she has established a better balance with the new arrangements. You can't really force someone to work more. 

A court can't really require you to be in a property of X if you can't afford it and in any case the rules on what is sufficient are way more lax than you might think. Number of bedrooms is really a red herring because any room can be used to sleep in. 

But what's the concern here? If you are talking about financial settlement then you both will say you need 3 bed houses for 2 kids because you will be trying to maximise your needs, if you are talking about child arrangements then all you need to be able to show is that you have a house that meet the needs. 

I feel like you are overthinking things here. What she does is of no concern of yours unless its affecting the kids. Your job now is to get an outcome that works for you and the kids and let her get on with doing her thing how she wants to. Have you started the paperwork yet?
 

tightauldgit

DE_612183 said:

Matt - I think the bedroom things are based on childrens ages and sex - ie I don't think you can have 2 x 12 years one girl one boy in the same bedroom - how that's enforced I don't know, but it sort of makes sense.

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/does-the-law-set-an-age-at-which-children-cant-share-a-bedroom/

Unless you are living in a studio apartment with your two kids, it's pretty unlikely that there is anything TO enforce. It's 1930s standards of 'overcrowding' that we are considering. So you can consider e.g. a kitchen a bedroom since you COULD put a bed in it. 

There doesn't seem to be any actual rule about kids of opposite sexes not being allowed to share rooms, just that they shouldn't HAVE to share a room (i.e. it would be physically possible for a bed to be put somewhere else in the house to allow them not to share)

I think the only time there would ever be any kind of enforcement would be if something inappropriate was going on and being reported to authorities. 

coconutcurls

I am sorry you are in this situation

Be glad she is coming out of your life

Mattpoker

Thanks for the replies. Tightauldgit, our mortgage is big so I can't get another place til we sell. She doesn't want to sell. I'd happily go to a nearby two bed and start again using the sale money but she doesn't want to lose face 'and slum it like she's 25 again'. 
So she's saying she can't afford to move. So I have to either wait til she moves out with new fella (or they buy me out) or wait 7 years til my other child is 18 and force the sale. 
Proceeding with divorce this week. 

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

Thanks for the replies. Tightauldgit, our mortgage is big so I can't get another place til we sell. She doesn't want to sell. I'd happily go to a nearby two bed and start again using the sale money but she doesn't want to lose face 'and slum it like she's 25 again'. 
So she's saying she can't afford to move. So I have to either wait til she moves out with new fella (or they buy me out) or wait 7 years til my other child is 18 and force the sale. 
Proceeding with divorce this week. 

But what she says/thinks/wants is completely irrelevant because a court will TELL her what the arrangements are going to be. That's why I repeat that the important thing here is not to waste time effort and energy trying to negotiate with her on stuff that she is being awkward about, just get the divorce and financial settlement moving and the financial disclosures completed and you will see what the relative financial positions are and then either she compromises or a court will tell her she has to compromise. 

The reality of the matter is that you need to rehouse yourself in something suitable for you and the kids and she needs to do the same. If the house needs to be sold to allow that then so be it, that's exactly what will have to happen. 

Trust me, there's no point banging your head against a brick wall trying to get her to understand your position, or trying to be nice to her or trying to bend over backwards to give her what she wants. All you'll do is waste time and then have to go down the court route anyway, meanwhile she's gained X months/years of living in the house while you've put your life on hold. 

Mattpoker

True but we can't afford court, there's not that much in the house, maybe 70/80 grand between both of us tops. Court would make it financially pointless.
But yes, divorce going in on Friday to get the ball rolling.