Separation/divorce, kids rights and outside office

Mattpoker

Hi, will be contacting legal experts on Monday but what do you guys make of these issues?

Wife had said we had issues 2 years ago, she wasn't happy, wasn't 'feeling it' (been married 8 yr and have a child). Horrible couple of weeks but she then said she'd been in a bad place, we should give it another go.

Going ok 6 months later, she then wanted outside space for her nail salon business. Said we should move to our dream home and use profits to build her salon in the garden (old house had no garden). No-one in house was more professional and also cos of Covid.

Moved 18 months ago. Used sale profit to build salon and improve house and outside space. Everything is now perfect. 

Except she's now said this morning she wants to separate, she's really tried but she sees me as a best friend. She's been seeing someone else for 2 years I've just learnt!

She wants the kids and to bring them up in our home. I'm broke, in lots of ways. Does the affair show '

exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, ?

I agreed to spending our money on our new house and her business cos I thought we'd be in said house together but long affair and previous thoughts would suggest I was never in the end picture.

Separately, She claims £500 rent for business tax purposes. Can I charge her £250 of that as joint home owner and she's using it as her business?

And what if my child who's 13 learns of the affair and doesn't want to stay with her mum?

Thanks for any advice. I feel so shocked, mugged off and used I can't take it all in.

tightauldgit

In short, the affair is pretty much irrelevant to your situation. There's no point dwelling on the past and what has happened but you now need to focus on what comes next. The starting point will be that you have a 50/50 split of all assets and that includes 'her' business and the property.

When you say she claims £500 rent for business tax purposes what exactly do you mean? Who is she paying the £500 rent to? Or do you mean she claims £500 for the use of her home as a work space? 

If she was paying rent to herself for the property that doesn't seem to make much sense as she would have to declare that rental income as well. If its the latter then since no actual rent is changing hands then I don't see what you could claim. While you could try asking her for rent for the salon I don't really see what you could do if she said no other than seek an agreement through the court - which you are presumably going to have to do anyway. 

The kids are another matter - she doesn't get to say that she wants the kids and to bring them up in your home. Of course you can agree to that if you want but it's certainly not any kind of given that a court would award her what she wants. You need to work out what arrangement you are happy with and see if you can come to and agreement - or if not then you need to seek a court order. If your child is 13 then its likely they will take their views into account in determining any outcome on custody and access. What do you want to happen with regards your child? Would you want her to stay with you as the main parent?

Given where you are I would forget about arguing over each detail and just start the process of getting a financial settlement and let that sort out the finances. 

  

kazwookie

OP stay put in the house, do not move out.

It is as much your home as hers.

If I understand right, she is charging the business £500 for rent of the building, this money should go into a joint account, IMO. and needs to be declared for tax reasons as a 50/50 split.

If you have joint accounts, you need to keep a close eye on them, to make sure she doesn't clear them out. Depending on  how bad things are I sugges you get the joint accoutns closed down and open your own account.

What does she actually want / what do you axtually want.

tacpot12

You will be in shock for a good few weeks, so try not to make any rash decisions. I'm sorry this has happened to you. 

I would not assume anything about your child's reaction about the affair and that her parent's marriage is likely to end. The  best thing you can do is reassure her that you will always love her, care for her and make sure she is provided for. Even thought you will be feeling wretched, you need to avoid making her feel any worse that she is going to anyway.  

The house and the garden room are half yours, so don't agree to any split of assets that treats the garden room as a business asset. It's not, as evidence by the fact that the buinsess pays rent to use the space. Under the circumstances, she should be paying you half the rent. This arrangement should continue until she buying you out of the house, if this is her eventual aim. 

You may need a specialist valuer to get a handle on the value of the house with the garden office. 

Bear in mind that your pension may be significantly better than your wife, and any financial settlement needs to take into account ALL assets and the financial capabilities of both parties.

It would be as well to sit down with your wife (when you can), to discuss what happens to the joint account and any money in it. If you can agree, the best option is to divide any cash in it and take this away to you own accounts, and agree that joint bills will be paid from the joint account with each party paying into the joint account whatever you have agreed you will pay so that,  as far as possible, the joint account just has money passing though it.

getmore4less

Set you up.

Every thread where someone moves out they are on the back foot.

theoretica

Mattpoker said:

And what if my child who's 13 learns of the affair and doesn't want to stay with her mum?

At 13 your child's opinions should be taken into account - but the wording of this question sails a bit close to suggesting you might 'tell tales' against her mum or try to cast blame for the separation.

Mattpoker

getmore4less said:

Set you up.

Every thread where someone moves out they are on the back foot.

Exactly! Which is why I don't see how this doesn't come into effect?

exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, 

Mattpoker

theoretica said:

Mattpoker said:

And what if my child who's 13 learns of the affair and doesn't want to stay with her mum?

At 13 your child's opinions should be taken into account - but the wording of this question sails a bit close to suggesting you might 'tell tales' against her mum or try to cast blame for the separation.

No, I won't be doing that, she's an amazing daughter and I want her to stay that way. But my daughter's friend knew of her mum having a one night stand after hearing parents talking at a party.
Two year affair, I dread to think how many people but me know by now of it and they talk, kids hear.

Mattpoker

And yes, I have a pension, not big but five figures. She has just 3 figures. But I'd happily swap our pensions for each others life positions right now!

And apologies, the accountant somehow credits £500 rent to the salon so when it comes to tax to pay from her earnings, £500 of earnings isn't taxable. So she's not getting £500 a month but £500 of potential tax earnings are scratched off.

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

getmore4less said:

Set you up.

Every thread where someone moves out they are on the back foot.

Exactly! Which is why I don't see how this doesn't come into effect?

exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, 

Because if you choose to move out that's not them exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain?

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

getmore4less said:

Set you up.

Every thread where someone moves out they are on the back foot.

Exactly! Which is why I don't see how this doesn't come into effect?

exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, 

I understand that you feel hard done by at the minute, trust me I've been there, but the reality is that her having an affair is completely irrelevant to what happens next, to any future division of assets, or to what happens with your kids. The legal bar for any kind of unreasonable behaviour in the divorce is pretty high and it's pretty unlikely you will gain anything. 

What you need to do now is start the legal processes of divorce and sort out a financial settlement. All the odds and ends like what happens to the house, her business, your pensions, etc will be resolved as part of that process but the basic starting point is that you split everything 50/50 but it also depends on the needs of each individual.

Have a think about what outcome you want from the process. What is it going to take to get you set up again in terms of housing etc? Are you happy for her to buy you out of the property and stay there? Can she afford to stay there? Can you afford to stay there if she moves out? Or is it going to have to be sold and split? 

You're going to have to make a contribution to child maintenance - use the CMS calculator to see what that should be. But also think about what your expectations are with regards to access and custody. You can also have a conversation with your daughter about what she would like to do. 

Honestly try to put the emotions to one side and just sort out the practical aspects as best you can and things will generally go better. Once things become acrimonious it only becomes more difficult. 

In the immediate term, there's no requirement for you to move out of the house. If you do choose to do so then there's no requirement for you to keep paying for bills etc at the house but if you have a mortgage on the house be aware that it still needs to be paid. 

You can ask for rent on the salon but in the absence of any agreement she can say no, and then what?