Separation/divorce, kids rights and outside office

Mattpoker

Thanks for the advice all. 

She said she wants our child, 'sorry but I do and you know the courts would say yes and I'd have the house til she's 18'. 

I've suggested we split sharing the house 50/50 , a week at a time and she can use the salon Mon/Tues/weds of my weeks also. But she says while I can move in with a relative 30 mins away (have to, don't want to) she'd need a flat or room near by and she can't afford it.

She's also said courts would never make us sell house cos she works from it, needs it's income and so she'd get 4 yrs of house and half my pension and future assets.

Initially she said she liked idea of house share for kids but by end of afternoon was saying she can't afford it and she needs child maintenance money etc to live so she'd be far worse off sharing house. That's when she tells me what a huge favour this would be to, her co sharing.

That's when I bite my tongue very hard. 

I've discussed carefully with daughter about what she'd like. Equal split would 'be the dream' but she'd prefer me if she had to choose.

RAS

Mattpoker said:

Thanks for the advice all. 

She said she wants our child, 'sorry but I do and you know the courts would say yes and I'd have the house til she's 18'. 

At your daughter's age, her own wishes would be paramount; so NO the courts wouldn't necessarily say yes.

And it is no longer the case that the courts would award her the house until your daughter is 18, even if she was living with her mum; unless mum could re-mortgage the house.

I've suggested we split sharing the house 50/50 , a week at a time and she can use the salon Mon/Tues/weds of my weeks also. But she says while I can move in with a relative 30 mins away (have to, don't want to) she'd need a flat or room near by and she can't afford it.

Why can't she move in with her beau during your weeks? Less tongue in cheek, another user aimed to rent a flat locally that they shared, on weeks away from the family home.

She's also said courts would never make us sell house cos she works from it, needs it's income and so she'd get 4 yrs of house and half my pension and future assets.

The fact that she has a business in the garden is irrelevant. There's nothing to stop her renting a chair locally or working for a salon, particularly
given your daughter's age.

Initially she said she liked idea of house share for kids but by end of afternoon was saying she can't afford it and she needs child maintenance money etc to live so she'd be far worse off sharing house. That's when she tells me what a huge favour this would be to, her co sharing.

That's when I bite my tongue very hard. 

Good
I've discussed carefully with daughter about what she'd like. Equal split would 'be the dream' but she'd prefer me if she had to choose.

Now go over to wikivorce and start actually learning about the real situation. also read How the Child Maintenance Service works out child maintenance: Asking for other income and expenses to be included - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Meantime, stay in the house. Split your finances. And remove her access to any of your accounts. 

I would advise that you aim for a fairly swift divorce, DIY is cheap. The financial settlement is the crunch issue, where you may need hire a lawyer. Do not delay as that just increases the value of any share in the house and pensions.

You'd certainly need to attend mediation before you went to court.

And please, please go over to the housing forum here and check about the legal rules re running a business from a separate building in the garden. It may have Council Tax, mortgage and CGT implications.

DE_612183

What the accountant is doing is making out an expense of £500 a month as rent, then that nets off against profit so she doesn't pay corporation tax.

However on her SATR she should be putting it down there as income - it can't just disappear.

You may want to suggest that if you go through the settlement you'll want fully audited accounts of her business including what happens to the £500 rent payment that her business is making each month - I would think this is probably going into a personal account of hers which you never see - but you are entitled to at least 50% of that.

If she is not declaring it as income HMRC will be quite interested in that - may be worth while letting her know that.

Mattpoker

Thanks Ras, will go read that now. I've googled quite a bit but there's a lot to take in, as you guys know.

And she won't move in with her beau cos his wife and child would be slightly upset by that. 

I could just about pay for the local accom for her but she's worked out she'd end up with less than our initial agreement. 

Will check out cheap divorce and options. I was hoping separation and decide between ourselves what we do but I can start to see that's not going to benefit many of the parties here.

pjcox2005

I have no experience in this area, but I expect if her starting point is custody of daughter, house for next 5 years, and top up maintenance payments plus the fact that her beau may back off as things are getting serious, then it could get acrimonious very quickly when she starts seeing that won't happen particularly if you get full or 50:50 custody.

I'd personally be investing in a solicitor for initial advice early and only after that looking at cheap divorce options. Others far more knowledgeable may say different though.

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

Thanks for the advice all. 

She said she wants our child, 'sorry but I do and you know the courts would say yes and I'd have the house til she's 18'. 

I've suggested we split sharing the house 50/50 , a week at a time and she can use the salon Mon/Tues/weds of my weeks also. But she says while I can move in with a relative 30 mins away (have to, don't want to) she'd need a flat or room near by and she can't afford it.

She's also said courts would never make us sell house cos she works from it, needs it's income and so she'd get 4 yrs of house and half my pension and future assets.

Initially she said she liked idea of house share for kids but by end of afternoon was saying she can't afford it and she needs child maintenance money etc to live so she'd be far worse off sharing house. That's when she tells me what a huge favour this would be to, her co sharing.

That's when I bite my tongue very hard. 

I've discussed carefully with daughter about what she'd like. Equal split would 'be the dream' but she'd prefer me if she had to choose.

I think she's living in a dream world if she thinks the courts are going to award her the house. You need to be able to rehouse yourself to a reasonable standard, not live in a relative's spare room for four years. 

I'd call her bluff and get moving on the legal stuff because once she speaks to a solicitor she may realise that the world is not as she thinks. 

tightauldgit

DE_612183 said:

What the accountant is doing is making out an expense of £500 a month as rent, then that nets off against profit so she doesn't pay corporation tax.

However on her SATR she should be putting it down there as income - it can't just disappear.

You may want to suggest that if you go through the settlement you'll want fully audited accounts of her business including what happens to the £500 rent payment that her business is making each month - I would think this is probably going into a personal account of hers which you never see - but you are entitled to at least 50% of that.

If she is not declaring it as income HMRC will be quite interested in that - may be worth while letting her know that.

If that's what the accountant is doing then yep absolutely as part of the financial settlement process that would need to be explored with full financial disclosure of her business accounts and self assessment returns. 

If she is at the fiddle she won't want to disclose but she has to as part of the process. 

I don't see this getting resolved before that process plays.

ironlady2022

I'm sorry to hear about this. 

You can do a diy divorce if you are on good terms but from what you have said, she wants it her way only. 

The divorce contains 3 parts

Divorce of husband and wife
Separation of financials via a consent order
Child arrangements (this can sit separate also).

First part is the easiest and believe it costs £600, if you issue divorce proceedings, you tend to be in the driver's seat. You can do this online yourself via gov website without the need for a Sol.

The hard bit is the financials. 

I suggest mediation, so you both know where you stand. Cos it sounds like she is guilt tripping you for her own gain. Please do not fall for this. During mediation, the financials can be explained to you and then you both declare all your assets so you start on an even keel. 

Child Arrangements. Due to age of your Daughter, she does have a say as she's mature enough in the eyes of the court. This can be worked out as you go along. 

No.  1 tip, DO NOT MOVE OUT.

I've been through this myself and happy to help. 

I also recommend a divorce coach (not sure if i can recommend on her) but i used one and she was brilliant and cheaper in the long run than a Sol,  who charge you every 6mins and for every email.

Mattpoker

Thanks for the advice above.

I've spoken with my work and they've agreed I can work from home every other week so that'll stop her insisting she's primary care giver as the kids want even custody as do I. That'll also sort child maintenance.

She was getting busier work wise every month but has now this first month of split worked far less.

Mediation will have to be next as we're nowhere near agreeing about the house. I can't live locally without selling the place - unless she - her and new fella - buy me out. She doesn't want to sell and still insists she'd get the house due to her lower income and local buying/renting/shared owner is more than our mortgage.

tightauldgit

Mattpoker said:

Thanks for the advice above.

I've spoken with my work and they've agreed I can work from home every other week so that'll stop her insisting she's primary care giver as the kids want even custody as do I. That'll also sort child maintenance.

She was getting busier work wise every month but has now this first month of split worked far less.

Mediation will have to be next as we're nowhere near agreeing about the house. I can't live locally without selling the place - unless she - her and new fella - buy me out. She doesn't want to sell and still insists she'd get the house due to her lower income and local buying/renting/shared owner is more than our mortgage.

Bear in mind that while it is encouraged mediation has no real legal standing and she can just not do it if she chooses. 

Get the paperwork moving on the divorce and a financial settlement as it takes a while to go through it all. 

Don't sit around and do one thing at a time or wait for her to get on board with things as it will drag on and drag on. 

She's not going to get the house but until someone she believes tells her that she won't listen to you.