Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep evenly splitting restaurant bills even though we don’t drink?

zagfles

Reading peoples' experiences here I sometimes think I'm living on a different planet! I always have the opposite problem when eating/drinking with friends and family - trying to pay what I think is fair. Last week we went out for a meal with a couple we hadn't seen for ages, was quite expensive, while having the coffees after the meal one of them got up "going to the toilet", took a while - she'd gone to the till to pay the bill! Wouldn't take any money no matter what we said.

A few weeks ago we were at an event with some friends which gave a discount for Amex cards, I don't have an Amex card, the others did, so they bought all the rounds and I said I'd send them my share. Afterwards, asked them for their bank details so I could send my share. Both refused to give me bank details, saying "don't worry about it".

Any family get together, my Mum will try to pay for the lot despite all her kids earning more than her. We need co-ordinate a pincer movement on her to try to stop this.

The only times I feel I'm paying too much is usually down to the choice of location rather than split of bill - we have a group of friends who like to eat in quite expensive places which IMO are not as good as places we know eg our local curry house where you get massive portions of delicious food and never comes to more than £20 per person inc drinks. Whereas they prefer places where you're paying close to £50pp.

Spendless

Pay for your drink at the bar as suggested but ask yourself are you ordering an average amount of food or ordering more than others because in that case they are subsidising your food choices. Take that into account too. I remember a meal years ago where  a couple refused to put in 2 x their share and would only pay for one on grounds that one of them hadn't had a main meal. That was correct they hadn't, however both of them had spent the night drinking double whiskys. I had had a main meal but spent the night drinking tap water. The amount I'd consumed was probably equal to the 2nd double whiskys.  

AntySoo

I stopped drinking about 6 years ago but was always fine about splitting the bill evenly with good friends.  Then at one meal a friend was about to order another bottle of wine and said “you’re not paying for this - in fact, we shouldn’t be letting you pay for any drinks.”  From then on, they have always asked for a separate drinks bill.  I drink lime & soda which is cheaper than chips…

I remember years ago my best friend had a 21st birthday party at a restaurant in Fulham.  She had about 25 guests there from all aspects of her life.  Most of them were drinking alcohol.  I was driving so had no alcohol.  When the bill came there was a mass exit - with people putting money into the kitty as they left.  When my friend added it up, it was about £50 short.  This was 40 years ago and that would have been almost a week’s wages to either of us at the time.  Lesson learned.  In any large group get separate bills unless you are willing to and can afford to subsidise others.

Pollycat

AntySoo said:

I stopped drinking about 6 years ago but was always fine about splitting the bill evenly with good friends.  Then at one meal a friend was about to order another bottle of wine and said “you’re not paying for this - in fact, we shouldn’t be letting you pay for any drinks.”  From then on, they have always asked for a separate drinks bill.  I drink lime & soda which is cheaper than chips…

I remember years ago my best friend had a 21st birthday party at a restaurant in Fulham.  She had about 25 guests there from all aspects of her life.  Most of them were drinking alcohol.  I was driving so had no alcohol.  When the bill came there was a mass exit - with people putting money into the kitty as they left.  When my friend added it up, it was about £50 short.  This was 40 years ago and that would have been almost a week’s wages to either of us at the time.  Lesson learned.  In any large group get separate bills unless you are willing to and can afford to subsidise others.

That would be down to people 'forgetting' that they'd had a liqueur coffee or whatever.

We once went out for a family meal, 3 siblings & partners and Mum & Dad.
One couple announced they wanted to pay for what they had rather than splitting the bill between 4 couples.
They missed out the aperitifs they'd had and liqueur coffees.
They also didn't include a tip in the amount they'd 'consumed'.

I called them out on it.

When you are a group of 8 eating in a small family run restaurant and you've had 3 courses plus wine and the service has been good, I think it's mean not to leave a tip.
The couple I'm talking about deliberately underestimated what they'd ordered when they were totting up their 'share'.
Once I'd pointed out what they'd missed out, they suddenly decided they wanted to split the bill as it would be cheaper that way than paying for their own.
I insisted they paid the full amount for their food and the other 3 couples split the rest of the bill.

I dislike deliberate mean-ness.

It's a subject that's been discussed on MSE before.
Here's a 5 page thread from last year:
Dining out - bill paying — MoneySavingExpert Forum

jimpwarsop

No difference between food and drink IMHO, I dont eat starters or puddings, I dont order stuff like chateaubriande, in fact I'm happiest with egg and chips, or a salad.

But I do like a few pints.

If its a problem sharing a bill - dont do it.

Pollycat

jimpwarsop said:

No difference between food and drink IMHO, I dont eat starters or puddings, I dont order stuff like chateaubriande, in fact I'm happiest with egg and chips, or a salad.

But I do like a few pints.

If its a problem sharing a bill - dont do it.

There is if you're subsidising somebody else's consumption of Chablis or chateauneuf-du-pape, not to mention after dinner brandies and liqueur coffees.

lndvs

It’s so nice to get together with friends for a meal and you shouldn’t be deterred.  I would welcome anyone saying at the start of the meal “sorry guys; I’m on a strict budget and need to control my spending, I’ll pay separately.”  Then everyone knows where they stand from the start - ie they are paying fully for their over indulgence if it occurs.  

ReneSt5

When I go out with friends they wouldn't dream of letting me pay towards their drinks. It's easy enough to decide who owes what when the bill comes. With covid restaurants are happy to let you pay by card for your part of the bill anyway. 

Gycraig

I always just take the correct change for my meal and tot up what Me and my partner have had plus a tip. 

I’ll happily split with close friends etc as I’m not “tight” but when we go out for a work do etc you end up with 1or2 couples royally taking the !!!!!! expecting other people to subsidise them and then say “don’t be tight everyone just split it”

No I have had 2 cokes a burger and chips coming to 11 quid I don’t want to “split it” and pay 20 quid plus because everyone had steak and fancy cocktails 

letthemeatcake

I used to have this problem with family, they drank a lot and liked the best whiskey etc. I just used to add up our meals and give them payment for that exact amount.