Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep evenly splitting restaurant bills even though we don’t drink?

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

When we go out with friends, my partner and I split the food and drinks bill evenly with the group, though neither of us drinks alcohol. The groups we’re part of can order multiple cocktails, bottles of wine and beers, which push the total cost up. Should we speak up and pay less, or just accept the equal split to keep the peace?

I'd be querying how good these friends are if they think it's perfectly acceptable for non-drinking friends to subsidise their alcohol intake.
If I was in the drinking group, I'd be pointing out that I didn't think it fair that non-drinkers should pay an equal share of the bill.
I wonder why these friends haven't raised the issue...

I used to hate it when a group of work colleagues (all women) went out for a meal and at the end of the evening worked out what everyone had ordered down to the last penny.

Stoker1970

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

When we go out with friends, my partner and I split the food and drinks bill evenly with the group, though neither of us drinks alcohol. The groups we’re part of can order multiple cocktails, bottles of wine and beers, which push the total cost up. Should we speak up and pay less, or just accept the equal split to keep the peace?

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There is a simple solution that works for us and that is to have 2 separate bills. One for food and one for drinks. If you wish to have a soft drink then pay for it separately and let your friends run up a large alcohol bill 

GregsP

When I go out drinking with any of my groups of mates I mainly try to steal clear of going on rounds, as they ALL consume far more than me - so, instead of it costing me £25 for a full nights alcohol, I would easily spend between 40 - 70, just because I end up getting caught up in expensive rounds. Likewise when going out for meals with mates - some of them are on starters, mains & sweets so I feel it’s unfair to have to pay for other peoples food. Payment issues when going out with groups are not always easy to broach but unless you’re happy to spend extra cash on other peoples food & drinks then just round up for the cost of what you’ve spent & let the hungrier ones sort out the balance for themselves. 

flobalob1

Some couples can be very mercenary and hard faced when it comes to who pays the bill. My brother in law always asked how the bill was being paid as he sat down at the table. If the bill was being split equally or someone else was paying, he and his wife always had fillet steak plus starter, sides and desserts. If each couple was paying for their own meals, they ate a lot more modestly.....without fail!
We also had a couple where the wife insisted that they would have the 2 course set menu, then complain about the lack of choice. As soon as we offered to foot the bill, they choose 3 courses a la carte and liqueur coffees. They never returned the compliment. Needless to say, after being stung the third time, we don't go out for meals with them any more. 
No, don't subsidise the drinkers, they are showing complete lack of respect by not addressing the issue on your behalf and leaving you to raise it.

mimgable

No. I've had this issue with both drink and food. It is an unfair expectation that you subsidise other people's drinking/eating. If they're friends they should be fine with that, and recognise the unfairness of this situation. Same applies to food. I ended up in a situation I couldn't challenge for various reasons, and paid nearly £20 for a £5 portion of fried rice due to other people's extortionate meal choices and drinking. I think it's selfish of folks to have the expectation anyone buying cheap drinks/meals, and a total lack of awareness of others people's situations (I had very little at the time, and chose the cheapest option and no drink because of that. If I'd known this was going to happen I'd have not gone)

Pollycat

flobalob1 said:

Some couples can be very mercenary and hard faced when it comes to who pays the bill. My brother in law always asked how the bill was being paid as he sat down at the table. If the bill was being split equally or someone else was paying, he and his wife always had fillet steak plus starter, sides and desserts. If each couple was paying for their own meals, they ate a lot more modestly.....without fail!
We also had a couple where the wife insisted that they would have the 2 course set menu, then complain about the lack of choice. As soon as we offered to foot the bill, they choose 3 courses a la carte and liqueur coffees. They never returned the compliment. Needless to say, after being stung the third time, we don't go out for meals with them any more. 
No, don't subsidise the drinkers, they are showing complete lack of respect by not addressing the issue on your behalf and leaving you to raise it.

If I had been you, they wouldn't even have got to the third time.

gloriouslyhappy

John_Gray said: 

This sort of question seem to come up periodically, and it always occurs to me that the best solution is to stay at home.  This avoids all the arguments, fights, overturning of restaurant tables and so on which would otherwise occur, and you get to eat the takeaway fish-and-chips which you really wanted!

Yes this does come up periodically, but always staying at home is a bit drastic! Usually I'm out with good friends where an equal split is about right, however where I find myself out with people I'm just getting to know and a meal is suggested, I always say breezily to the server 'oh I might be leaving early so I'll have a separate tab please' and then if I'm still there at the end, I can see how the rest of the group behaves in terms of over-drinking and / or ordering the most expensive stuff. 

I have the confidence to do that now, having been stung when younger and poorer into subsidising greedy so and sos - never again! With times being so tight, no one nowadays should feel shamed into spending more than their fair share.

JayD

coffee_cake said:

Everyone buy their own drinks & pay for them at the bar there and then, then split the food bill at the end.

I totally agree with  coffee_cake.

We had a similar dilemma recently! So - yawn!

So my response it to tell your 'friends' that you think it would be fairest for everyone to buy their own drinks. That way no one can feel that they are subbing someone else who may have a larger capacity for the more expensive drinks than others.

Pollycat

JayD said:

coffee_cake said:

Everyone buy their own drinks & pay for them at the bar there and then, then split the food bill at the end.

I totally agree with  coffee_cake.

We had a similar dilemma recently! So - yawn!

So my response it to tell your 'friends' that you think it would be fairest for everyone to buy their own drinks. That way no one can feel that they are subbing someone else who may have a larger capacity for the more expensive drinks than others.

Paying at the bar works when you're eating at places like Wetherspoons or somewhere similar but not in most restaurant type settings as there isn't usually a bar to pay at.

Magstar1001

My friends deduct a tenna off my share of bill because I don't drink
I don't have to tell them maybe your friends dint realise

Just mention it ;-)