Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep evenly splitting restaurant bills even though we don’t drink?

Fiona96

I'd recommend being up-front and letting people know you'll be getting a separate bill.  I'm usually driving / designated driver so have no qualms about asking for a separate bill right up-front when ordering.  This avoids any discussion about "who had what/pays for what" at the end of the night.  I've also had situations where I know I'll be leaving early, so again ask for a separate bill when ordering.  This makes it easier to leave when you need to and pay your bill without making things awkward by asking for bill info., whilst the evening is still in full-swing for everyone else.  Most people are watching the pennies these days and am sure your friends would understand your decision.

Afourteen

I was shocked at the price on Saturday evening when I bought drinks for myself and fried - she had a tonic water (in a fancy bottle), I had a pint of shandy - the 2 drinks £8-50! The pint was under £5, the tonic was the balance. So quite honestly at that price minimal price difference I'd not worry about splitting the bill equally. 
I know a bloke when he eats out in company he always picks the dearest item on the menu where the rest of us pick something cheaper and he always wants to split the bill equally. It's so noticeable that even his wife makes comment about his behaviour. 

I don't think it's worth loosing friends over. 

tchap

Next time you are out with them ask the waiter what is the most expensive bottle of Wine/Champagne and see their reaction. you don't have to order it.

Abbafan1972

I am by no means tight, but splitting the bill is a big no-no for me.

Buy your own drinks from the bar and don't even split the food bill.  You can guarantee there will be people ordering desserts and more expensive main courses and you will end up subsidising these!

Unless it's a buffet style restaurant where everyone pays the same, that's different.  Of course just pay for your drinks separate. 

Orator

I think this is even more common now, so you're in good company.

If its just the drinks bill that is problematic its an easy fix- but you need to be the person who takes control.
At the point of ordering drinks, normally at the beginning you ask the server loudly 'oh, could you make the drinks a separate bill please?'  You then, as an aside to the group, explain that you're budgeting/watching the pennies/ had  a massive energy dd hike/ are in a spend  less challenge so aren't drinking alcohol.

The majority will make no mention, or congratulate you on being sensible or agree that reducing costs is a great plan.  You never know , you may start an alcohol intake revolution!

For any objections you merely state ' we're choosing where to spend our money, and we don't drink alcohol' or ' we just can't spend money on drinks that we don't drink'. An absolutely reasonable statement of fact.

If its the entire spend that is excessive and you don't want to split this you need to announce at the beginning, before anything else. 
You can either start it off by being brave and saying to the group ' we love seeing you all, but we need to budget our spending well so I'm going to have our order on a separate bill'  or if there is more vocal group member that you get on with well, speak with them and ask them for help to get separate bills.  They will almost certainly agree that this is good idea and propose that they do the same, or that they and you will have a separate bill.

Everybody has increasing costs, regardless of their income or personal circumstances so this is likely a welcome topic to bring up.

And if they all think you're a tight wad,  you may start to reconsider the benefit to you of associating with them anyway.....

Ed264

I'm surprised your friends even allow you to subsidise their substantial drinks bill. I wouldn't put up with it. Pay for your own drinks.

John_Gray

This sort of question seem to come up periodically, and it always occurs to me that the best solution is to stay at home.  This avoids all the arguments, fights, overturning of restaurant tables and so on which would otherwise occur, and you get to eat the takeaway fish-and-chips which you really wanted!

DevilsAdvocate1

Most of the times when I go out with friends it balances out.  There is one group where we always use the bill to work out what we had and what we pay.  Another group of friends and we divide the bill, but we have similar tastes and if you checked the bill it would only be out by a pound or so.

Many years ago I went on a night out with a big group, some of which I was quite close to and others I had not met before.  I was driving and was pregnant (but I had not told anyone yet).  So I was not drinking and just drank the table water.  Two of my friends were very hard up, so they also drank the table water and one only ordered a starter to keep costs down.

Some of the others, particularly the ones I had not met before, were drinking like it was going out of fashion.  They were ordering wine and cocktails.  At the end of the night they divided the bill up and decided that everyone owed £25 - my stuff came to £8.  I refused point blank to pay this and said I would pay £10 an nothing more.  One woman, who I'd never met before, came right up to my face and demanded that I pay the £25.  She was intimidating as she was so close to my face, but I stood my ground.  I said that the 3 of us were not paying that amount as we had all spent under a tenner and one had spent less than a fiver.  Why she felt that others had to subsidised her meal and drinks I'll never know, but I wasn't in a position to do this anyway.  And even if I could have afforded this, why would I?

This was over 20 years ago.

RachP87

I personally wouldn't allow my friends to subsidise my drinking bill, if I was drinking excessively, and vice versa if my friends were and I wasn't drinking. Although If it was just a drink or 2 with dinner I wouldn't be too stressed about splitting that if I wasn't drinking.

But on the other hand, I have been out for a meal before with a group of friends and one didn't drink, we only had a bottle of wine between us and when the bill came the friend who didn't drink didn't want to split it as she hadn't drunk - which is fair enough, but when we actually worked out her individual bill it was about £10 more than what it would have been to split it, because she had the most expensive meal and got additional sides (and her soft drink wasn't far off the bottle of wine price split between us), so then she wanted to split it! Cant have it both ways lol

diystarter7

What's the point of going out together if you are bickering over the share of the bill.
If it's a regular thing, then everyone has sperate bills, ie couples/singles etc