The Mental Debt Struggle...

Makingabobor2

I am the same with non fiction books. I really prefer them in physical books. That way, if you want to highlight stuff it is a lot easier. Although TBH, as I've got older, I don't tend to keep books as often. I found I was just cluttering up the place with books that it turned out I wasn't reading again. At the moment I have just 3 non fiction books in the house, and a small pile of paper back fiction that I got from the free table at the gym. But I will be re-donating them once I've read them. Still got several on my Kindle to read.

The £1 & £2 jar sounds like its coming on well.

Keedie

I'm going to reevaluate the book situation every quarter @Makingabobor2 and if I've not read the non-fiction within the last quarter and don't see myself reading it in the next quarter, then it'll have to go. I have all of the fiction books in a cabinet in the living room, that I need to clear out so that I can store all of the bulk shopping for Silver, so that the hallway cupboard can be for household items and toiletries. I'm trying really hard not to purchase any storage solution

I forced myself to count out my silver and shrapnel and take the completed bags to the bank. I had £61 worth of coins, so I've moved them into a holding pot in Monzo, so that I can figure out what to do with it when I do my end of year count up. I'm feeling a bit more positive knowing that all of the little bits are adding up, it's not so much pressure to get on top of things financially.

Makingabobor2

Wow that's a brilliant amount.

AntoMac

Just had a proper catch up of your diary Keedie. Good to see you fighting on and never giving up 👊 Your resilience is impressive

Keedie

It's been a while since I've felt okay to post, and I've been trying to get my head on straight. I've been seing the community mental health team and another service, and it is making a incredibly slow but somewhat steady progress mood wise. I am not feeling as overwhelmed. But things are still foggy.

I sat down with my son yesterday and he helped me with my budget and helped me to see where I am wasting money. We've managed to reduce the gifting budget (birthdays, Eid, Christmas, Mother's day, Father's day etc) from £1,100 in 2027 to £500 for everything. I will set aside money separately for my son's 21st in October 2027. But it felt good to be given permission to stop doing too much for everyone else. And we've cut this year's Christmas budget because we'll be eating at home. Going out to eat has become quite expensive and I don't have a car anymore and he doesn't have an A1 licence to carry passengers on his moped. I showed him the menus for the local pubs within walking distance and he said that they're unnecessarily fancy and that we can have a big feast for the price of one of those meals. And he wants us to spend Silver's first Christmas with her. I personally don't care about that. But… The Wise One has spoken, so we're staying home.

We've also had a review of our subscriptions and cut what we can. And we're working on a meal plan tomorrow and we'll go to Lidl to do the weekly shop. My doctor said that I need to lose weight (quelle surprise 😂), and that I need to take better care of myself. My liver function isn't going in the right direction, so I need to get on top of that. And I'm tired of being so unhealthy. My son said that he can see that I'm sad, and he thinks that losing weight and having more energy to be active will help me. I'm under no illusion that I will be hitting the treadmill or lifting weights and stuff. But I would like to work towards not being so reliant on my walking stick and rollator. And I do miss swimming.

I looked at the food budget and I've cut the £25 weekly food shop money for my son. He's learnt how to budget a bit better and to get food instead of getting take aways. But I know that I can make better use of that money. So we're going to figure things out on a weekly basis, and get what we need. He's also on a weight loss journey, so we can encourage one another.

The conversation I had with my son yesterday gave me a lot to think about. I've finally worked out a balanced budget that is not trying to do too much. Because we've cut some things out, I now have a weekly allowance and I've utilised the surplus money that I had set aside for my sinking funds. I'm going to trial everything in October, and see if it works out. But I put everything into my spreadsheet and I calculated when the money would run out. And it's allowed me to have a slightly higher budget between now and March 2027 if it works well. The biggest benefit is that the food budget has increased, as it wasn't working properly for me, my son and Silver's food.

Making the small adjustments means that I have more breathing room, without needing to expand my budget. Hopefully this will mean that I can also accumulate more money over the coming months to get ahead on my expenses from January 2027. I think if I can get ahead on my sinking funds, I can clear my debts quicker, knowing that my expenses are covered and I have savings to reduce the likelihood of slipping further into debt.

daisy_1571

What a fine young man you are raising keedie, must make you very quietly proud to have these grown up conversations with him, a real help to you and also helping him

Dxx

Baileys_Babe

It might work better to have a separate budget for Silver's food.

It good to hear that you have support in place and things are slowly improving.

Sounds like you and your son make a good team, being able to discuss the budget and make savings. I do not want to think of the cost of going out for dinner on Christmas day must cost in London, I'm sure your son is right and you will be able to have a delicious meal without the cost, the stress (& cost) of traveling to the venue and being overwhelmed by all the people.

Debsnewbudget

we normally order our Christmas meal from M&S around now and pick up on Christmas Eve at a set time.

Its all preprepared veg etc to go straight in the oven and is normally delicious

We have looked at buying similar from LIdl etc but not sure I can relax enough to know that the items will be in stock when I get there through the queues

We have ordered some things in the past on a Tesco delivery but been let down, so back to M&S it is

Keedie

Yes @daisy_1571, he really is quite humbling to see the man that my son is becoming. It's funny as he was 15, turning 16 when I started this diary and now he's 20 in less than two weeks. He's a good egg. He's really matured in the last few years, and it's nice to see. And yes, these budgeting conversations really do help him. And he helps me to think more of myself, so that's a good thing as I often feel guilty or selfish. But as he likes to remind me, putting myself first is self care not selfish 🥰.

@Baileys_Babe I've got a separate budget for Silver's litter, as that's on the Amazon Subscribe and Save. I did consider using that same virtual card for her food, but twice now, I've ordered a 40 pouch kitten wet food and it's been in date, but has actually gone off. I dunno where it is being stored, before they pack and send it to customers, but since then, I've stopped using Amazon. I also found out last week that I'm not actually supposed to be still feeding her kitten food, although she's now 11 months, as they're meant to move onto adult food after being spayed. No one told me that, and it never occured to me to look at her diet. Apparently, the kitten food is richer and can lead to fatty organs or something, as it's designed to fatten them up for them to grow. So now that I know that, I need to get her some adult food this week. She's down to her last 2/3 pouches of the kitten food.

I've got a pet sinking fund, so as I build that up, I can start to buy her food separately. One box of 40 pouches lasts around a month. And the dry food is down to the last dregs and I've had no issue with that from Amazon, so I'll order her some adult dry food this week as well. I looked at the one that I was going to get her, as I was trying to figure out how much she costs over the course of a year, so that I had a rough idea of what to put in the sinking fund each month. I'll see what they have in Tescos, as I assumed that I would keep with the same wet food in adult version, but I think she's been bored of it even before we got those dodgy batches delivered.

I'll have a look at M&S thank you @Debsnewbudget. We don't eat the same foods, so I'll have to figure it out what we'll be eating. He's not the biggest turkey fan, and so he'll happily a small amount, and have steak and ribs, but with all the Sunday roast trimmings. I don't like red meat, so I've got a couple of months for us to practice cooking steaks. I think I'll need to get turkey breast fillets, as I can't eat a whole turkey crown, even if it's a small one.

We might still pop to the pub for a drink if we can be bothered to leave home on Christmas Day, as there is around 7 pubs within a 10 minute walk that are all open on that day. I just need to check which ones are open for drinks, for patrons that are not eating there.

The cheapest Christmas Day meal that I found was £45 each, but he would not eat the starters or dessert and the dessert didn't appeal to me. Most were £65 a head, £88 a head, £95 a head and one cheeky place was charging £130 each. Like what??? So yeah, much cheaper and cosier to be at home this Christmas. The only bit that will be a bit different is that I need to go visit my dad's grave on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day as there's no transport on Christmas Day and it's a 25 minute drive, so not a walking option at all.

Keedie

Oh I forgot to say that I had £4.10 in spare coins, and so I've put that in my coin savings challenges and the mystery tin. I also found some of those coin bags that you take to the bank when I was doing more decluttering. So I've got the bags ready for when I get to the point that more bags are filled up. I'm still trying to figure out exactly where all this spare change money will be allocated. It takes a lot of patience to save coins, so I don't want to waste it. And I checked my bank again and realised that it was £66 in coins that I cashed in and not £61. So that was nice, and I moved the money to the correct pot.