The Mental Debt Struggle...

lellybun

Hi Keedie, thanks for updating even though you are going through such a rough time.
Struggling with both mental health aswell as physically must be awful as each makes the other worse and there is no quick fix.

However, you have a tonne of support on here as you know. People have already offered a load of helpful advice.  I agree that the job is not helping and a discussion with your friend would be a good idea. 
 
Its time to put yourself first, you will get over this. Don't be harsh on yourself, you cope incredibly given the issues you have to face.
Sending good vibes over to you and looking forward to things getting easier for you.

Lelly x

Makingabobor2

How are you today @Keedie? 

Keedie

Apologies for the radio silence and thank you all for your advice and support. I've spent the week decompressing and doing the bare minimum to conserve my physical and mental energy. And I have a few updates...

DBT
The lady called me on Thursday and said that I can continue the course and basically tried to gaslight me into believing that my place was never at risk (she's simply lying). I have a feeling that my social worker contacted her to ask what she's playing at.

Social Services
The social worker called my son for confirmation of what he does to help me and to see if he needs any support himself as my carer. He said it was useful but didn't give a great amount of detail, but he seemed happy that she said she'll come and see him to talk through how he can apply for a carer's allowance etc. And yes, he's a really good young man and I'm very proud of him. He's currently studying the PAT test qualification so that he start working for himself. He's doing quite well.

Work
I've had the beginnings of a conversation with my manager/friend to explain that I am extremely exhausted and I am struggling to work 3 days a week. I helped him write a business case for the structure that he would ideally want in the new structure, and deliberately didn't include any scope for me to have a temporary role. It's flattering that him and my Assistant Director want me to stay on, but it's not really practical for me. I like my colleagues and the work isn't bad, but I'm just so depleted. And the new role if I was to apply for it, is stuff that I have been doing for the last 18 years, and I don't want to go that deep back into transactional HR duties. So I need to really get a wiggle on with my bookkeeping course, as I have been completely slacking on that front. 

Budget
I sat down and figured out what the financial impact of not working will be, and it's about £750 less a month. I've deliberately kept my budget based on benefits income with a top up from savings. But the additional amount is what I was using to save long term and pay into my sinking funds. So I need to figure that all out. It'll be tight trying to do everything within budget with no back up. But the main thing is that I need to get on top of my spending as a the moment, it's death by a thousand cuts with lots of small little things that are not really serving a purpose. And I need to stock the fridge and freezer with easy to cook options or ready meals, as not being able to do much this month due to that severe flare up, and my son's cooking skills being limited, has meant that quite a lot has been wasted on take aways. 

Financial Audit
I've more or less depleted my sinking funds and so when I am in the right frame of mind, I need to think of a strategy to correct that whilst I still have wages and my universal credit top up. I've already given my first nephew his birthday money as he was the first one of the year on 14 January, so I can't ignore the others. But I think I will only give my friend's kids Christmas presents and I'll reduce the amount that the kids get overall. Maybe going back to having a set amount for birthdays, Eid and Christmas will help me to keep on track of things. I can definitely reduce the amount that each person gets. I need to have a proper think about the sinking funds as well. I can only really work on one at a time, so I need to get each one to a set baseline and then work on one at time, or lower the amount needed for each one.

Decluttering
This hasn't really gone down and there's nothing sorted for the dump site as yet. My son said he will help me this weekend to organise it a bit better. There's definitely too much stuff and buying storage to accommodate it is a counter productive measure in the sense that it doesn't really solve anything in terms of volume. Psychologically it makes sense, as it's neater and less overwhelming and so easier to tackle. But I do need the motivation to sort it all out. 

Silver
Well Silver had the first vet visit on Monday and some vaccinations and we found out that he is actually a she! That was a complete shocker as we were told by my ex-sister in law that she was a boy. So me and my son were stunned to say the least 😂. But in hindsight it kinda makes sense as she is a pretty kitten as opposed to handsome kitten. She's absolutely crazy though and gets the zoomies at the most random times. But she likes watching cartoons on the TV and that calms her down a bit. She sits under my desk when I work from home and I've put a cushion under there for her. It took her a good few days to figure out that I don't appreciate her trying to bite the laptop screen or walking on the keyboard (as she deleted a chunk of my report). But other than that, she's quite cool.

Keedie

I paid £30 into my One Month Ahead fund and declared that on the PAD thread. And I sat down yesterday and worked out how I'm going to manage my wages until my contract ends in March 2026. So I have a loose budget until April 2026, as I live on the previous month's income.

I finally faced the music regarding my overspending in recent weeks and looked at a plan to repay my mum fthe £3,000 or the bookkeeping course. I've now got two financial goals for 2026 and  I'm still keeping to my 20% increment goals. 

Financial Freedom ~ Month 2 (£4,000 Goal)
Gold Target = £4,000 (100%)
🎉 Progress Checker = £3,150/£4,000 (78.75% saved) 
This is my One Month Emergency Fund to cover bills, food, savings and spending based on £2,000 a month. I am now working towards 2 months savings, and once completed, I will move onto 3 months and so forth until I reach 6 months expenses. This amount is split across my Natwest Digital Saver (£1,350) and my Help to Save account (£1,800). I pay £50 in both accounts, so I will reach this target by December 2026, providing that I keep up the standing orders and remain consistent.

Bookkeeping Business (£3,000 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £600 (20%)
Progress Checker = £0/£600 (0% saved) || £0/£600 (0% repaid)
This money is to repay my mum for the bookkeeping course and I will repay it in 20% increments (£600 lump sums). I am aiming to reach the Bronze Target by the end of Quarter 1 2026 (31 March 2026) so that I can make the first payment. I have a binder of savings challenges, that when complete will amount to £3,250 so if I steadily work my way through to each challenge, hopefully by the end of the year I will have enough to wipe this debt and go back to being debt free. I have allocated £100 a month to go into the cash savings challenges, and each time I complete a challenge/accumulate an instalment, I will pay the money into the post office and repay my mum.

In terms of sinking funds, I'm not going to sweat it anymore, as I finally figured out that it's a constant moving target as they're meant to be used. So the actual amount required for it to be fully funded (if that ever happens), doesn't need to be as high as I had made it initially. I will continue to save for Christmas and I have a few Christmas themed savings challenges and I will steadily put any spare money into that.

I've also been busy working out how much money people owe me. I was a quite stunned to realise that it comes up to £3,068! So I need to get proper arrangements in place for the money to be repaid, so that I can put that money towards clearing my career loan to my mum and getting further along with my One Month Ahead fund. 

Keedie

I just remembered that I already have £150 in the Bookkeeping Binder so I'm 25% of the way to my first milestone. So it should read as follows:

Bookkeeping Business (£3,000 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £600 (20%)
Progress Checker = £150/£600 (25% saved) || £0/£600 (0% repaid)
Updated amounts to reflect how much I have in savings challenges to repay this career loan.

in_need_of_direction

Given this is a business related expense, can you offset any tax?

beanielou

That’s a lot of money for people to owe you. 

Makingabobor2

I don't pretend to understand your budgeting system,...lol, but if it works for you, that's all that matters. 
That's a lot of money people owe you. I would say get it back quickly & don't loan any more to anyone.  

Keedie

I can't claim the course as a business expense @in_need_of_direction as my freelance business is HR and this is for a career change, so it doesn't match the current remit of my business. Once I am freelancing in bookkeeping, then any CPD type courses and subscriptions etc can be offset as expenses for tax purposes.

I don't always understand what I'm doing with my budget either @Makingabobor2, hence it changes so often! But I think I have the bones of something that will work in the coming months. 

And yeah, it is a lot of money that I'm owed @beanielou. I honestly hadn't realised it was so much until I sat down yesterday and tried to figure out where I am with everything financially. I do need to stop helping people, as it's not making my life any easier. Especially as I am not going to be working in the coming months and so I lose a chunk of my income.

I'll be getting £100 a month repaid, at £50 each from two people and my friend owes me and will pay it in lump sums over the course of the year. So the set £100 will be added to savings challenges and when they are complete, I will reallocate the money and I'll be going back to the Freely Debt Saving strategy; Freedom (topping up my spending money), Debt (adding money to my debt repayment) and Saving (topping up sinking funds and One Month Ahead fund. 

Humdinger1

@Keedie, expanding into bookkeeping can't be seen as just that, can it? I'm sure you've looked into it but businesses do change direction, grow etc.  It seems unfair that some of these expenses can't be treated as business costs.  Love Humdinger xx