The Mental Debt Struggle...

beanielou

Welcome to Silver. 🤗😻

Keedie

He's such a cutie isn't he? My son was more excited playing with him and the laser pen that Silver was at first. Then when my son's arm got tired, Silver was still looking for it 😂.

All that excitement has worn me out though, I feel so sleepy.

beanielou

Hope you sleep well 🤗

Keedie

I've been silent as I've not been mentally or physically well. So I've not been able to express and post anything. I'm struggling a bit I must admit and I'm not really sure how everything is going to pan out. Sorry for the long post, don't feel obliged to read it, but if you do, I'd appreciate some feedback.

I did some emotional spending and blew my budget, gave up on tracking my expenses, may be unable to continue my Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) course and got a parking fine due to poor life admin and my anxiety and paranoia are through the roof and I am not coping at work. I'll summarise all these issues, and how I'm trying to fix everything as it has pretty much imploded.

Spending
Well spending wise, I dunno how much I've actually spent or even on what, so my sinking funds have virtually disappeared and I have to restart everything. I got a parking fine in Sainsbury's at the end of December when I was collecting the storage boxes and there is another one coming which I need to look out for, so that didn't help with my expenses. I had a parking exemption with the blue badge at Sainsbury's, but forgot that the blue badge expired in October 2025 and I needed to give them the details of the new blue badge for the exemption to be extended. So I must have had a grace period of two months that ended at the end of December 2025 and I got a ticket for failing to pay for my parking. So that was £60 gone and I'm waiting for the other fine for a couple of days later when I went to collect the rest of the boxes to arrive in the post. That was some very expensive boxes indeed.

DBT
I missed my DBT course last week as I had a double flare up of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and I was in too much pain and exhausted to participate. If you don't attend two weeks in a row they discharge you. So I attended this week but I was still sick, so I was lying down and not really able to participate, but I was listening and taking everything in. I'd initially stated that I wouldn't put my camera on for the Teams session, as I was lying down and was told that was not an option and so I put it on. Anyways, at the end, the facilitator asked me to wait behind and basically had a go at me for lying down for the entire session and said that moving around was distracting to others (I was trying to get comfortable and not fall asleep).

Apparently, sitting up is a deal breaker, but I explained that I had explained during my intake review that there may be times when I am unable to that, if it hurts too much to sit up for a period time, the coordinator said it was fine and I should tell the facilitators, so I told them in the first session and was not given the impression that it was an issue. Then the first time it was needed it was a big issue, and apparently I will be agenda item on their team meeting this coming week to determine if this was a suitable therapy option for me as I may get sick again and not be able to fully participate (no sh*t Sherlock, I've got multiple chronic conditions). I explained that if I am not well enough, I won't attend if I can't sit up properly. I waited the best part of a year for this therapy and now I don't know if I will be able to continue, and I don't think she appreciated me calling her out either. Anyways, it caused me to spiral and I got really tearful and I've barely slept since, and my sleep wasn't great before.

Social services
The social worker came on Thursday to do my care plan, and I explained everything that is happening overall physical and mental and she said that she will contact the facilitator of the DBT course. She also wants to contact my family as I've had no carer for months and wants to see how I've been coping. That has made me really paranoid and I think I've been annoying my son getting anxious about it 😬. I rely on him a lot and so I felt really bad for that, as talking about it with the lady from social services made me realise how much it is unfair to him. She didn't say that, but I realised that having no carer made life more difficult for him, but he would never say anything to me.

Anyways, she convinced me to try again to find another carer, but I told her I was too anxious and paranoid to make myself that vulnerable. She said that I can get more support and asked why I didn't reach out to social services when I was struggling and my carer ran off, and I told her I didn't really know I was supposed to and I was overwhelmed by everything and I just buried my head in the sand. She looked a bit sad when saw how cluttered my room was and how we're not keeping on top of the kitchen, and said that the personal assistant can help me slowly to go through things. 

Work
I am struggling to keep up at work as I am not sleeping much and I spent those two weeks unpaid over the Christmas period recovering from burnout and a flare up, hence I was not able to work in the first week of January. They're going through a restructure which will not impact me as an agency worker, but I don't think I could cope if they tried to extend it further during the transition period before their new structure is implemented. I feel really mentally unwell at the moment and need some solitude, but I can't take lots of time off work as it means more work for others, projects aren't completed and I don't have enough accrued annual leave to take paid time off. It's a bit of a mess. My manager is my friend and so I don't want to let him down, but I am drowning. It's a mental unravelling and not really do to with the work itself, as that isn't hard, it's just my mental state makes it harder to cope with anything. I feel like I need to be honest with him, but I don't know how to really do that, as he has become a bit dependent on me helping with things. I dunno, I need to maybe discuss it with him when he's back from leave.

Budget
This has really gone out of the window, but I think I've worked out a simpler way to handle everything, taking account of paying for care costs again. It's £50 over my usual budget, but I figured it will come from my surplus earnings that I set aside (there's £1,010 in that pot). 

£2,050 per month

Digital
£1,250 The Burden (bills and subscriptions)
£100 Super Saver (Help to Save and Natwest Digital Saver)
£200 Golden CareCuffs (contribution to carer's fees)
£200 Trek Travel Foodies (transport/petrol etc, monthly online food shopping and buffer)

Cash 
£300 Homely Foodies (weekly food shopping, anything for the house and my spending money)

I would like to track my expenses as I do need that insight, but I figured rather than trying to complete a spreadsheet, I should just note down actual expenses like food, eating out, travel, spending, gifts etc. I don't need to know how much was spent on bills, subscriptions or put into savings. I can find all of that information through banking apps if needed. I need to get on top of my discretionary spending.

I'm considering getting rid of my sinking funds. It's stressing me out having money in different places. I think it would better to probably have one pot of savings and just use it as needed, and track what it is used for. I don't know if anyone organises their savings like this, and if so, what do you do to manage one savings pot?

I'll keep my buffer as that will be for emergencies, and my personal spending pot for things like changing the ferrules on my crutches, or other medical needs and when I go on my spending sprees etc. So in reality 3 pots; amalgamated Sink Savings (home, car, holidays, gifts), Bufferoo (mini emergency fund) and The Keedie Fund (AWE List/Bipolar Buffer).

Rhyddid2026

For now, just breathe. That's all you need to do right now.
You deserve support, and you deserve to be supported in ways that suit you and work for you. 

beanielou

Just sending you a hug 🤗. Baby steps. Be kind to yourself. 

Makingabobor2

I wouldn't worry about budgeting at the moment. You need to get yourself well. Accept as much support as Social Services will give you, get another carer and get a personal assistant to help you to declutter. You will focus so much better in a decluttered room/house.  I read once that if you have to buy things/spend money to store your belongings in, then you really do have too much stuff. 

Whilst I appreciate you need the money, I do think that if the job is stressing you out, you have to ask yourself if its worth it. Could you survive without that income? How would it affect any other benefits you are entitled to?  Etc etc.  Don't worry about the fact that your boss is your friend, if he really is a friend, then he will understand what the job is doing to you, and will only want the best for you.  This is about you and not about what is best for him and his business.  

I know you like to save to buy presents for family etc, but maybe the time has come to tell them all ( including your son), that there will be no more presents at birthdays, Christmas etc as you need to get your finances back on track for you!  Its your life, and you need it to be the best for you..... not for others. I'm sure they will all understand if they really know what you are going through. 

Hope you don't take offence at any of my comments. I'm not saying everything I have said is correct, but just that is my opinion.  
Please rest and get well, but most importantly, get another carer and personal assistant, you need that help. x

liselle

I feel for you but I’m wondering if there isn’t another forum that could maybe be a better help for you.

AntoMac

One day at a time Keedie. Better times are always ahead. You have posted many a wise quote over the months. Remember to try to apply some of these to yourself and be kind to yourself.
You worry about how your boss will react because you are very kind and thoughtful towards others. I suggest having that open and honest conversation with him. So often these conversations never pan out as badly as we thought they would. 

One reason for me to continue to suggest Premium Bonds is that you have to wait a little while to get your funds. I was just thinking it might buy you some time to think when you’re about to have a spending blowout. Of course I do not fully understand your condition and know it’s a lot more complicated than that. Is there another option of being able to lock your money away from temptation, maybe a family member could somehow ‘guard it’ for you? 

@Makingabobor2 idea of cutting the presents for the foreseeable future is a great idea to really consider. People who love you will understand and know that your kindness extends far beyond physical gifts X

Newstartforme

Hi Keedie , so sorry for all you are going through and can't add any more than has been said already . Your son sounds like a lovely young man , you should be very proud of him as he should be of you . Sending you the biggest cuddle and a reassurance that this will pass xxx