The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I think the less the better when it comes to savings pots @Makingabobor2. I didn't used to think that, as I thought I was being very organised by having categories for everything. But I found that I never really made any progress and I was always having to move money between my pots to pay for something. By having less, it builds up quicker. But I can still separate the money into my own checklist of sorts. Like for example, the Cruise Control covers car insurance, MOT & service, car tax, breakdown cover, car maintenance. So I have a cash stuffing binder that has a separate envelope for each thing, so I can see how much of the overall balance is allocated to which area. And by figuring out what I might need for each category, it helped me to have an overall target for that pot. 

My fifth pot that I didn't put any money into this month, is my Make It Rain pot, and that is my buffer/future expenses pot. If I need to top up any of the other sinking funds or I have an expense that I've not budgeted for, then it will come from that pot. But the aim is to leave it to build up, so that I can make lump sum payments towards my bills for the 2026/27 tax year to reduce my expenses. So once I've figured out what bills I want to add a lump sum to, I'll figure out the goal for that pot, but in the interim starting from May 2025's budget, I'll put £50 a month in there.

As for hands, I reckon you're right @KajiKita. I was showing my son how swollen my hands were the other day, as they were so stiff and painful and he couldn't see what I was talking about. He said they felt hot, but didn't look puffy so who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️. I'm sorry for you being scratched, but glad that you got some hand compliments 🤗. I guess we always see ourselves differently than how others see us. I think I need to find more self compassion with how I engage with myself. I'll try and record a face to face video and a hands only video and see what feels more natural. The whole point is to be accountable and creative, as I miss editing and using my media creativity. I've got a degree in English and Media, and I've not really done anything with it, but I enjoy making things and that's part of my happy place, along with writing. So I've promised myself I will do more of both aspects.

On another note, I did my tax return and I had to pay £461.60, but as I had £7.79 credit from last year, I had to pay £453.81, and I sorted that this morning. I've got my Monzo business account set to 30% automatically being put into a pot for tax, to cover tax and national insurance. So that will sort itself for next year, and the excess money that I had in the 2024-25 tax pot was too much as I left work in January 2025, and had a chunk of unused personal tax allowance that reduced my tax bill. So I put the difference from what I saved and what I needed into the other pots in the business account. I have one that my subscriptions like Quickbooks, HP Instant Ink and Microsoft comes out of, and I've topped it up to cover all upcoming payments for the rest of the tax year. The rest went into my business emergency fund. So I feel reassured that I've paid my tax bill, have covered my main expenses for the year and have a business emergency fund started. The freelance work is slowing down, mainly because I'm so tired and not pitched for any new work. So it's comforting to know that because the tax bill was lower than I anticipated, I now have security in knowing that my expenses are covered for the remainder of the tax year. It takes the pressure off me to work to keep the basics covered.

Keedie

I forgot to say that today is the last day of being in the pennies for the Monzo Penny Challenge. That’s based on my start date in January. But anyways, £0.99 went into the challenge today. So from tomorrow, I’m officially in the £1+ club 👌🏾🤗. 

Keedie

Things have changed again. But hopefully for the better... Sorry it's a long one. 

I had a word with myself the other night, about my budget and all the things that I'm trying to do, and where I am at in life at the moment. If the truth be told, I am exceptionally exhausted. Like barely able to function levels of fatigue. And as a much as I want financial security, I'm worn out. I'm finding it harder and harder to walk without being in a lot of pain or needing a walking aid. I'm not 100% sure when I'll be able to work and exactly what I will do for work when the time comes. But what I do now, is that I am running out of steam and I was meant to be on a gap year 🥺. 

So... I need to focus on actually having a gap year. And having a better balance in life. And I've decided to simplify things a bit: reduce my budget, declutter my flat and implement simple routines. I've been getting overwhelmed by everything, so I'm hoping that by having a simpler life, I won't feel so depleted all the time. 

Budget - I'm reducing my budget so that I can reduce the amount of freelancing I have to do. So I've cut my budget down from £2,250 a month to £2,000 a month. Which is still a lot of money but requires less working to achieve it. I just need to slow down as there isn't a race to get all my savings in place. I realised that I was so relieved to be out of debt, and still feeling a bit undeserving of how it all happened, that I was trying to get on top of all my savings almost to justify the opportunity I was given. But slow and steady wins the race, and this way, I don't have to run myself into the ground each month. I've kept the same approach, but been kinder to myself:

Bronze Budget = £1,675 (down from £1,725) - bills including the cost of carer, priority savings, food and travel 
Silver Budget = £1,750 (down from £1,750) -  Bronze Budget plus guilt free personal spending, and big items like a new phone will now come from generic savings 
Gold Budget = £1,900 (down from £2,025) - Silver Budget plus sinking funds for car, gifts, home, medical, family fun
Platinum Budget = £1,950 (down from £2,125) - Gold Budget plus holiday sinking fund
Diamond Budget = £2,000 (down from £2,250) - Platinum Budget plus savings challenges

If I am lucky enough to have a combined income of freelancing and benefits that is above £2,000 a month, then some will be set aside for the months when I'm not able to work as hard and earn as much, and some will go into savings. As I've shortened the goalpost from May 2025's budget, I have £1,643/£2,000 and so I will be able to meet the budget target with my PIP which comes through at the end of the month.

Declutter - I'm getting rid of most of my clothes so that I can have less laundry and stuff to keep on top of. Most of them are in good enough condition to go to charity. I wear the same few things as my style has changed and I prefer comfort over fashion. So I figured I might as well just wear leggings, jeggings and tracksuits if that is what I want to wear. And to get rid of the stuff that is taking up space, but I don't wear or can no longer fit into.

I'm going to very slowly work my way through the KonMari method of decluttering/tidying up:

1. Clothes (as mentioned above)
2. Books - I mainly read ebooks, but I still have physical books taking up space and I don't even know what is on those shelves really.
3. Paper - this is my biggest nemesis! And I need to shred what is confidential and take the rest to the dump site, and then file what I'm keeping
4. Komono (miscelleanous) - I've already done my hallway cupboard, but things like kitchen utensils, crockery, home furnishings will need to be purged
5. Sentimental - I don't have many sentimental items, so this should be easy enough to do at the end of the process.

My son is joining me and has been busy listing items for resale and clearing out his chest of drawers and wardrobe. We're aiming to have everything sorted by our birthdays in October, including the walls being repainted where necessary and rearranging the living room. This is my birthday present to myself. And I've fallen out of the habit of self-gifting, so this will be a much cherished present that I can appreciate every day moving forward.

Routines - I need to get on top of my sleep and my eating habits. I'm still unsure of how to do this exactly, so if anyone has any tips or advice I'm all ears. But I'm going to try and wake up the same time everyday, whether it's the weekend or weekday, and see if this eventually makes me tired enough to fall asleep at a decent hour. I can't keep going to sleep in the witching hours between 2 am and 3 am and expect to properly function. And I need to figure out a simple meal plan that doesn't require standing around too much and is easy enough that my son can do his part. I think these two will be the hardest section to change, as aside from the clutter, these are my worst two area for bad habits. But something needs to give and I'm hoping to be in a better place to work on this as soon as possible. I can't entertain the idea of job hunting or anything demanding, or even creatively demanding if I don't figure these two out.

The last part of the routine focus will be on reducing my availability of when I am available to work. So I need to figure out what days of the week I want to work on the projects and then stick to those hours as I would do if I was in paid employment. This way, I can figure out when my down times are to recharge and when I am working, so that it's not in response to incoming work (which I am grateful for, but with no routine/structure, I am working all times of the day and night and never feel like there is an allowable off switch).

Newstartforme

Hi Keedie , just a few bits of help to offer to your post in case they might help . The slow cooker is fantastic if you have 1 , if your energy is higher in the morning you can put all your ingredients in , let it cook , then in the evening if your tired or sore all you would need to do is microwave a bag of rice , bake a jacket potato etc , thus reducing the time you gave to stand . Are you certain you are receiving all the benefits you are entitled to . As your walking is so bad your sickness benefits should reflect this . Lastly would you try a magnesium supplement to help you sleep , this has been a game changer for me , I sleep 11pm to 7am like clockwork.  Hope even 1 of these things helps you

Cherryfudge

Lots of things to tackle... based on my experience it's a bit like the proverbial peeling an onion: as you get rid of a layer, there's another underneath. I found my sleep improved when I didn't have to be up for things in the morning and also, with giving up the previous job, gradually my pace slowed and I found I wasn't awake nearly so long.

I now think the sleeplessness, which got worse year on year no matter how tired I was, was a sign of ADD. In my case my brain wouldn't slow down and I was afraid that eventually I just wouldn't sleep overnight. That's largely reversed now my whole pace of life is better. It's been a while since I've had those horrible seriously late nights. Sleep hygiene helped a bit but was a vast over-simplification and it's taken time to unpack these things. I'm not saying that's the key to yours but I don't expect ADD is often considered. It shows differently in women.

As @Newstartforme says, if your walking is getting more difficult, are you getting all the benefits you're entitled to?

I found decelerating after work took a lot longer than I'd have thought (many months), so possibly this is the case for you, too.

One more thought - you mention choosing days of the week to work, and from that, sorting out your down time. I'd suggest you switch that round: see what times working comes easiest to you, and when you need rest. For instance, if you're a morning person, is that time best spent working, or focussing on things like food prep and shopping that take a lot of energy but, once done, make life easier? Or if your pain levels are higher in the morning, is that the time to go slow, have a hot bath or read your book and not expect anything of yourself till later on? 

Keedie

That's great advice thank you both @Newstartforme and @Cherryfudge. You've given me a lot to consider. And it's really helpful.

I think the sleep issue is the fact that with my bipolar, my brain doesn't switch off and I end up hyper fixating on something and then go down a rabbit hole of research or doomscrolling on my phone.

But I definitely do need to unwind from my working habits and relax a bit and take stock of what I actually want and need. It's going to take a while to sort myself out. But you make an excellent point Cherryfudge, I should be focussing on the times when I am able to be at my best for what I need to get life on track, and fitting work around that. I'll have to think on that a bit more. It's such a logical approach to take, that it didn't even occur to me. 

I do have slow cooker and I am ashamed to say that I have never even used it Newtstartforme 😬. I need to figure out what I can cook in it. As it's literally just sitting there. I can definitely put stuff in there in the morning and let it cook during the day. I need to figure out a laundry schedule as well, because my carer can only come once in the week and on a Saturday morning now. So things are a bit different. But with less clothes that should be easier to manage. And I can figure out some slow cooker meals so that on the days that I do work, the slow cooker has done the heavy lifting for me. 

I think I am getting all the benefits I am entitled to, as I get PIP and the disabled element of Universal Credits. My PIP is due for renewal within the next 18 months, so hopefully I don't lose it (as the proposed government changes are making me rather anxious and nervous about it all being taken away). I'm part way through an online application for the London Taxicard scheme with my local council, as that will give me discounted cab fares as part of a mobility scheme that London Councils does. 

The Taxicard scheme if I get approved will give me 8 discounted journeys a month and will help me to get around. I've decided to sell my car by the end of the summer. I absolutely hate driving. It's getting more and more painful to do my blind spot due to the twisting motion needed, my back hurts, my brain fog is getting worse when I get so anxious sitting in heavy traffic. So I'm going to tap out and use the money from the car sale to pay for cabs and as when needed. I don't reckon I'll get much for the car, as it's rusty underneath, but at least it'll help with the travel budget. 

The good thing about deciding to sell the car is that the £430 that I had in the Cruise Control pot can be redistributed to my other sinking funds and can go towards a top up food shop. So I moved money within my sub accounts on Chase, so that each pot category has £50, so I sent £5 to The Gift pot (to increase it from £45 to £50), £50 to Make It Rain, £50 to Globetrotter and £50 to Homely Home. So I now have 3 sinking funds and a buffer pot (Make It Rain is a catch all pot), and I'll be able to have a little bit more spending money, and be able to pay into the emergency fund, but still fit within the £2,000 budget limit.

Debsnewbudget

I use my slow cooker for joints of gammon or a full chicken and never put anything liquid in 
Occasionally I put veg in at the same time
something like a gammon joint will provide 3 meals for us
 one on the evening then a risotto the next night then I slice up the remaining meat put it in a takeaway type tub  and put gravy on it and put it in the freezer for another day 
we don’t really like casserole type meals 

Keedie

I never knew you could do all of that in a slow cooker @Debsnewbudget, that's actually really helpful. I literally thought it was mainly for casseroles, and curries. My son isn't a casserole fan, but I don't mind eating them, but have admittedly never made one. I've also got a soup maker for some weird reason, never used that either 🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️.

I need to have a google and see what can be cooked in the slow cooker. I think it will revolutionise the way that we eat, and reduce food waste. 

Sallyforth

Hi Keedie
May I just throw home made soup into the suggestions for really quick and healthy food. Like you I’m experimenting with some cooking styles and although I can cook I tend to stick to things I know.

Anyhow I bought a hand blender awhile back and have just started using it to make soup and it’s amazing. Today I put some chopped left over onion, garlic and finely diced potato into some oil to gently fry for a few minutes then added a stock cube and water with some diced broccoli stems and heads (the nice bits are to go with a chicken lunch tomorrow). Simmered for 15 minutes then blitzed with the blender and it was delicious. I also crumbled some cheese in it and a drop it f cream I already had open.

Give it a go - any veg can be whizzed up. I did carrot and coriander the other day and plan to do a curried parsnip and perhaps a chicken soup on Monday.

Makingabobor2

I cook whole chicken in my SC. Or any type of meat & veg. Also can do dumplings on the top for last half hour.