The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

There's so many Lime bikes, I don't know how I even forgot about their presence. It's like they've just become background images when you're out and about. The parking situation sounds like a nightmare @Baileys_Babe. Im always already on edge with hospital appointments, and the last experience with the car park just put me off. I was trying for over 15 minutes to find a space. It was so awkward trying to hobble to the lift from the other end of the car park, as I'd banged my hip trying to climb out of the back seat as I couldn't open the door properly because I had to park in a weirdly tight spot.

I was aiming to sell the car by the end of June at the latest. But after driving around for over 3 hours today, and being in pain and annoyed, I'm now thinking end of May. I'm hoping to get between £1,000 to £1,500 for the car. As that would put me in a strong financial position moving forward. But who knows, cos of the rust issue under the car 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Things are taking shape with the structure of my website and blog though. I've not built anything website wise, but I'm sketching out what it will look like and the different topic areas and how to navigate between them. Once I've got the layout sorted, I'll be in a position to start looking at website hosting. I'm also working on my blog ideas and a content schedule. I'm starting to get excited by it all. I feel like this gap year and this level of self discovery is really going to make all the difference to my outlook on life.

Baileys_Babe

Sounds like you will be better getting rid of the car sooner rather than later. 

Keedie

Yep, I'll be free of the car soon enough. I need to check with my insurance company what happens with my policy. I'm not sure if I would be expected to keep paying, as the payments were due to stop in August as the policy renews at the end of September?

And I need to figure out how to deregister for the congestion charge exemption. My overpriced car permit is on a rolling monthly subscription, so that is easy enough to cancel. I paid for the car tax upfront for the year, as you can only get the 50% car tax discount with the PIP if you do it annually. So I'll get a small rebate for that when it's processed.

I've got half a tank of petrol so that should last the most of May, so that'll keep my expenses down in that respect. I've got a provisional budget that excludes the cost of running and maintaining a car. But as I don't know what I'll get for it when it's sold, I'm not sure if it will work. But the money I currently spend on petrol, insurance and the parking permit will be spent elsewhere.

Anyways, I've put £50 into my sinking funds and added up how much I have saved for the Monzo penny challenge and the Bag It & Bank It challenge and declared the total (£75.32) on the Payment a Day thread. 

My nephew is staying with me this week as my sister is going to Turkey on holiday with my mum. So that's giving me motivation to get myself sorted and deal with the mess in the living room so that he has space to use his Xbox (if he brings it) and be comfortable. I want him to have his home comforts here whilst his mum is away, so that when he gets in from school he can relax and do his own thing for a couple of hours. 

I'm also going to try my hand at a slow cooker dinner this week. I just need to figure out something that me, my son and my nephew will all eat. As my nephew has allergies and my son has a limited range of food he is willing to try. 

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 4 ~ 27 April 2025)

I have amended the week count to coincide with budgeting on a tax year basis, instead of a calendar year.

Debt Regrets

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Argos Card - due 30 April 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 7 February 2025 🎉

Goal 2 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£1,506.20) - due by 31 October 2025

🎉 Achievement Date = 9 February 2025 🎉

Goal 3 - Pay £750 off my MBNA balance in 2025 - due by 31 December 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 9 February 2025 🎉

Goal 4 - Pay £2,500 off my overall debt balance in 2025 - due by 31 December 2025
🎉 Achievement Date = 9 February 2025 🎉

Saving Grace

I don't count my sinking funds here as they fluctuate, so this is just the savings challenges that I have set for myself.

The Big One - Save £5,000 emergency fund 31 December 2027
Progress Checker = £452.07/£5,000 (9.04% saved)
Nothing has been saved this week, as the standing order is for the 1st of the month, so this goal will be updated at next week's check-in.

Goal 1 - 50 Envelope Challenge (£1,275) - due by 31 December 2025
Progress Checker = 8/50 Envelopes = £175/£1,275 (17.65% saved) 
I've completed two more envelopes, Envelope 3 and Envelope 47 this week. So this is starting to gain momentum.

Goal 2 - Penny Challenge ~ Monzo (£667.95) - due by 7 January 2026
Progress Checker = £61.05/£667.95 (up by £7.49 since last week)
This is being done automatically via Monzo's Penny Challenge and they move each consecutive daily amount from my current account balance. Today's amount was £1.10 and the total will be nearly £70 by next week 😎.

Goal 3 - Bag It & Bank It (£720) - due by 31 March 2026
Progress Checker = £433.18/£720 (up by £17.83 since last week)
This is a cash version of the penny challenge, but I have to save the equivalent of each coin denomination that would fill a coin bag. And you do that 10 times and it gives you £720. So I set my change aside for the week, and then on a Sunday see what I've got, and this week it was £17.83. I might have around £450 in the next couple of weeks.

Balancing the Budget

This section of my weekly check-in will focus on how I am preparing for the upcoming month, so that I can stay on track and be more successful in meeting my targets.

Income Tracker - £2,150 for May 2025's Budget
Progress Checker = £2,310/£2,150 (Diamond Budget)
I've realised that I need a budget for a 4 week month and a 5 week month and there are some things that I didn't take into account. So I've adjusted it slightly and have a 4 week month budget at £2,060 and a 5 week month budget at £2,250. So each month I'll need £2,150, so that on a 4 week month, the additional £90 is set aside to accumulate for the 5 week month. This budget will include all bills, variable expenses, sinking funds and savings challenges.

May 2025 is a 4 week month for me, and here's the budget split for the different levels, based on necessities, wants and very nice to haves:

Bronze Budget = £1,620 (bills, carer, travel and food)
Silver Budget = £1,740 (guilt free spending money)
Gold Budget = £1,820 (gifts and home sinking funds)
Platinum Budget = £1,860 (holidays and snowballing sinking funds)
Diamond Budget = £2,060 (envelope challenge and savings challenges)

If I have any surplus above £2,150, then this will be set aside for the months when I don't have that much income, so that I can maintain this budget throughout the tax year. 

Cherryfudge

How are you Keedie? Well done on getting the freelance pay.

Keedie

Thanks for checking on me @Cherryfudge. The last few weeks have been quite difficult so I've been a bit quiet. My dad's anniversary and all of the emotions attached to it, pushed me into a mixed bipolar episode. So I've been surviving on the little sleep and high agitation and lots of fanciful ideas that comes with hypomania, coupled with the lethargic, unmotivated and desperate despair of depression. At the same time. Mixed episodes make it really hard to function, as I'm constantly getting emotional whiplash and hibernating seems to help.

I still feel out of sorts, but I'm slowly coming back to myself. So that's something.

I had a nightmare with my Universal Credits though. And that's made me really reconsider life and the mental break that I am having. I declared to Universal Credit, the little savings that I have (as I found out that if you have leftover money from UC at the end of your accounting period, you're meant to declare it). I have some small savings as I live on the previous month's income and I am starting to actually consistently build sinking funds. They're not at the level whereby they'll start reducing the UC, but I did the good citizen thing and declared it. And they said nothing. And they didn't ask me for any further information.

But then they suspended my claim and only thought to tell me this after I queried why I did not have a statement after I'd declared my self employed earnings, and queried if I was getting a payment and how much it would be. Then they quickly booked me an appointment at the job centre, a week after the money was due to be paid. So I was quite stressed that they'd terminate my claim and I tried to job hunt, but I was so wired (thanks mixed episode), that I couldn't even apply for anything. It took me days to even update my CV and I got overwhelmed and gave up. 

But anyways, the job centre didn't know why I'd been called in to see them and asked me for 3 months' bank statements. I told them that I wasn't told to bring that in, so I'd just printed statements from when I declared the change up to the day before my appointment. So I had to download each statement whilst I was there using my phone, going back to February 2025 and show them everything. I think they were quite annoyed with me, as it was nearing lunchtime and because I use Monzo, each pot had its own statement and Chase has multiple sub accounts and so I had to do a statement for each one. I was dealing with one lady who gave up and passed me onto her colleague. So the guy I spoke to said that because I had money set aside for my tax bill, that was 'disregarded capital', and so he thinks that is why I was flagged, as the disregard reduced my savings, and so it needed to be evidenced, even though the amount that I have overall wouldn't impact my claim. 

Anyways, it all got sorted, and by the time I'd hobbled and crutched my way to the bus stop to go home, the payment had hit my account. But it was a scary experience, as it made me feel very vulnerable and financially insecure. Luckily, I had slowly made decisions back in 2022 to hold back a bit of each month's salary to be able to accumulate money for the next month. Otherwise, I would have had to borrow money to pay my bills this month, as most of my bills come out between the 1st and the 10th. My UC is paid on the 1st of the month, but they gave me an appointment on 8 May. 

It's taught me a few valuable lessons though:

1. I need to get myself into the mental headspace to actually get a job so that I have more financial security with a guaranteed and consistent salary. So I'm focussing more on my wellbeing to get into a better position with my recovery. 

2. I need to up my freelance game so that I'm better able to deal with any unexpected loss of income, and to see if I can supplement a (future) salary, so that I am not so dependent on UC. This has pushed me to really think about doing the bookkeeping course in September 2025 instead of waiting for next year. As at the moment, my freelancing is mainly HR (which I despise) and business development (which I've become bored with), and a sprinkle of copyediting (which can be tedious). So I need to upskill to have that career change and hopefully be in a position where my freelancing is enough to actually survive on, or have as a healthy back up instead of benefits.

3. I also worked out exactly which areas of my budget are non-negotiable. I did a 'bare bones' budget and looked at what was necessary and how life might look different if I made different decisions and had much less disposable income. It forced me to see how some areas of my life are better than I thought they were, and I could focus on what I actually find fun/enjoyable and what I want my life to look like. Most of it wasn't financially related, and that made me realise I've actually been overspending. So there's that to work on.

But I was rather giddy with excitement today so that has perked me up. On the way back from one of my recovery college courses (it was all about emotional intelligence and very insightful), my son wanted cookies from Sainsbury's. I saw that they had my favourite wine on offer and so I grabbed a bottle and the lady at the till asked me for ID! I was so excited to whip out my driving licence 😂. She said that she thought I looked really young (probably because I was wearing a cap and that hid my multitude of grey hairs 🤔). At 43, I couldn't help but smile. Especially as my body is always so stiff and in pain, I feel really old for age, so that was quite refreshing to hear. It still took me an age to walk home, and drag myself up the stairs to my flat though, but at least I did that with a small smile on my face.

Cherryfudge

That must have been a rough time. You have a lot to cope with especially when seemingly contradictory things are happening to you. It must take a lot of awareness and that in turn must be exhausting to keep track of.

I do love the ID thing, though! I get mistaken for older than I am. That's such a complement to be asked for your ID!

AntoMac

That ID thing must have made your day Keedie
Someone asked me the other day if I’m ‘still working’. Either I had a tough paper round or I look so intelligent that I was able to retire early 🤪 The mix up with Universal Credit sounds really stressful though. At least you’d managed to get ahead with your finances so could have got through it if the worst had happened

Newstartforme

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter now keedie , what a compliment to get asked for ID ! The UC situation must have caused stress . I don't like the idea that someone can just pause your source of income like that , especially when it's an error on their part . I would feel like you , that I would want to firm up another income source , your health permitting of course 

Keedie

Sorry for being AWOL, the mixed bipolar episode got the better of me and so did my aversion to driving, and the resulting fibromyalgia flare up. Bipolar wise, I have entered the realm of very limited sleep, which made me extremely depleted and anxious - and unfortunately, very spendy 🥴. The fibro flare up made me realise how much I actually do depend on a car. And having a rollator, which is stored in the boot of the car. So yeah, lots of change is afoot and the budget kinda went sideways.

And my phone also more or less died (won't charge properly, overheating, freezing and glitching) and had to be replaced. I didn't want to take it out on credit, so scraped all the money together to pay for it. It was £495 😬🤦🏾‍♀️. I could have gotten a basic smart phone, but I can't imagine not having an iPhone as everything syncs across all devices, so I got an older model from Argos. Anyways, all of that to say that I kinda went into a financial black hole. All my savings are all more or less gone 😬 (I didn't touch the emergency fund as I knew that once I did, it was all over). But I've narrowly escaped going into debt - just. So things are restarting. 

I've had to increase my overall monthly budget so that I am in a stronger position to rebuild my sinking funds. I've reworked my budget to take into account the fact that I need to sort out a car at some point in the coming months, and I have to figure out Christmas and my son's birthday. All my sinking funds are at zero. I've had my savings goals, with the 50 envelope challenge that saves £1,275, the Bag It & Bank It cash coin challenge that saves £720 and the Monzo penny challenge that saves £667.95. I have about £400 in coins so far for the Bag It and Bank it, so next week I'm going to take that to Natwest to pay into the coin machine. I'll then use that money to restart each sinking fund. The 50 envelope challenge will be used (when it is all completed), to go towards a new car or my 2026/27 bills.

I've condensed my sinking funds and set a lower target for each one. Clearing everything out has made me realise that having some money is better than nothing, but it doesn't need to be unrealistic targets. Nor does it need to be my ideal overall goal amount to be useful. Instead, I've got 4 thresholds within each sinking fund, and if I spend from it, I will top it back up to the minimum threshold before I can spend from it again (in an ideal world). The thresholds are similar to my budget, and the value is based on a percentage of my ideal target. So Bronze (25%), Silver (50%), Gold (75%) and Platinum (100%).

I have 4 sinking funds and I will concentrate on getting each to Bronze for now:

KeeMari = £125 (Bronze Goal ~ 25% of £500 overall goal)
This is for me and my son and is named after an amalgamation of both of our nicknames. It will be for anything we need as individuals or for smaller items for our home. So if we need clothes, prescriptions, self care, family birthday dinners, our birthday presents and celebrations. Or for things at home such replacing smaller appliances like a toaster, changing bedding or getting soft furnishings etc. As life happens, we'll use it, but other than that, we'll just pay into each week and let it slowly build up.

The Gift = £125 (Bronze Goal ~ 25% of £500 overall goal)
This covers any type of gift, like birthdays, Eid, Christmas, Mother's Day, christenings, weddings etc or just gifts 'just because'. The most expensive gifting time is Christmas and I do not spend above the maximum overall target, and I have a large family. So I figured this will get a constant workout throughout the year due to things like birthdays, but as long as by around November I am as close to the overall target as I can be, then that's fine. 

Cruise Control = £375 (Bronze Goal ~ 25% of £1,500 overall goal)
I've had to put the car back into mix, as I had convinced myself I could do without a car and just get around by public transport and cabs. But the reality is that it is so so tiring to do this, and so painful that I really struggled over these last few weeks when I have been testing this out. I need a new car, as driving manual in London traffic is tortuous, so I need to switch to automatic. But this sinking fund is simply for maintenance, MOT, service, and insurance etc. I'll figure out the cost of the car at some point. I'm light years from being able to change from manual to automatic anyway, but I still need to maintain the car that I have at the moment in the interim. It was an error on my part to do away with my car sinking fund before I'd fully tested out whether or not I could cope without a car 🥴.

Globetrotter = £375 (Bronze Goal ~ 25% of £1,500 overall goal)
I would like to go on holiday next year, and so this will allow me to save for it. And it will also cover any UK trips or short breaks that I may go on. This is the least important of them all, but having something nice to look forward to always puts a spring in my step, so I will save for it anyways. And besides, I don't want to have another impulsive holiday booked (like Turkey 2023 when we stayed in that 5* hotel for 10 days and it cost me an arm and a leg and took forever to pay off). 

I also have one more fund that is not a sinking fund really, but more of a mental health buffer. If I am feeling mentally unwell and end up on another spending spree, then it will ideally come from my Carpe Diem pot. Or if I'm too unwell (mentally or physically) and I cannot cook and we need a take away but there isn't enough money in the food budget. Or if I need something that will help to keep me well, like a new walking stick, a heated blanket or a trip to the cinema and there isn't any money in the KeeMari pot or I've run out of spending money - then it will come out of this pot. The overall goal is £100, so my Bronze Goal is £25.

But anyways, onwards and financially/mentally upwards.

And yes, being ID'd was a proper highlight of my week. My son wasn't very impressed when I told him (mainly because he was in disbelief that the event even occurred 😂😂😂). My family has young looking genes on my mum's side, as my Granny is 94 (or 95?) and looks like she's in her early 70s and my mum is in her early 70s and looks like she's in her 50s. My son hates it for himself as he gets ID'd all the time and so he makes a point of growing his beard 😂. He looks about 14 or 15 most of the time (just with facial hair), but I always tell him he looks older as he seems somewhat sensitive about it 🤦🏾‍♀️, especially as he's 19 in a few months. But I can imagine being mistaken for being older would get irritating, especially if it comes out of nowhere and isn't an accurate reflection of what you actually look or feel like 🤷🏾‍♀️.

And yeah, having the universal credits frozen like that was an eye opener for sure. I don't want to feel that vulnerable and anxious again. Dealing with the stress of that is what pushed me from a hypomanic episode into a mixed episode. I've worked out how many hours of freelance I need to do in a month to hit that sweet spot between being more financially independent and in a position to start to save again. Whilst also not doing too much that I burn myself out and I become unwell. I figured a target number of hours over the course of the month is kinder to myself than trying to cram in a number of hours per week. Like today was an absolute write off, I've been in bed all day, but yesterday I was able to do a couple of hours work. So I'll just take the days as they come and roll with it.