The Mental Debt Struggle...

Chrystal

Stick to your guns with work Keedie, it's no good going back early only to discover you need to be off again within a short while.  (((hugs)))
Wishing DS luck with his results (tomorrow?) XX

Four_Seasons

Best of luck to DS for tomorrow x

AntoMac

Best of luck with results day Keedie. Be proud of him however he gets on 

LittleMissDetermined

AntoMac said:

Best of luck with results day Keedie. Be proud of him however he gets on 

Sending positivity and echoing @AntoMac here
LMD x

Cherryfudge

Keedie said:

I had an appointment with Occupational Health yesterday and the guy agreed that I am still not fit for work. My manager has been trying to get me back into work and sent me to them as I've been off for a while now and "we need to get you back to work". My current fit note ends on 31 August 2023, and I never said I was back on 1 September, I told her that I would review it with my doctor towards the end of August, but I think she convinced herself that it was enough time (irrespective of how I am feeling/coping) and as they have hired more people, there's no stress anymore and I need to basically suck it up and return to work. But if it was just work stress and there are changes being put in place, yes the stress would be reduced, but the reality is that I have bipolar, they all knew this and they ignored my desperate pleas for help and support and I've had a severe episode that I'm struggling with. It doesn't just alleviate because they've finally employed more people.

Our situations have some similarities, @Keedie. I've been off since the middle of February (stress/anxiety/trauma over work) so I've just gone onto half pay. It's easier for me as I don't have bipolar to contend with, my kids are grown up and we have my husband's income plus savings - so a lot easier, really - but those feelings about work are not dissimilar. There are a lot more staff at my work too - but flooding the place with new staff creates a different set of problems till they find their feet. A workplace full of people who don't fully know what they're doing is a lot more work for those who are experienced - another reason not to go back in unless and until you're ready.


For myself, I'm scouring the job adverts and maybe there will be somewhere where I can work that won't put those same pressures on me. We both of us have experience and transferable skills, but we both need to look after ourselves and not let work be detrimental to our wellbeing.

beanielou

Cherryfudge said:

Keedie said:

I had an appointment with Occupational Health yesterday and the guy agreed that I am still not fit for work. My manager has been trying to get me back into work and sent me to them as I've been off for a while now and "we need to get you back to work". My current fit note ends on 31 August 2023, and I never said I was back on 1 September, I told her that I would review it with my doctor towards the end of August, but I think she convinced herself that it was enough time (irrespective of how I am feeling/coping) and as they have hired more people, there's no stress anymore and I need to basically suck it up and return to work. But if it was just work stress and there are changes being put in place, yes the stress would be reduced, but the reality is that I have bipolar, they all knew this and they ignored my desperate pleas for help and support and I've had a severe episode that I'm struggling with. It doesn't just alleviate because they've finally employed more people.

Our situations have some similarities, @Keedie. I've been off since the middle of February (stress/anxiety/trauma over work) so I've just gone onto half pay. It's easier for me as I don't have bipolar to contend with, my kids are grown up and we have my husband's income plus savings - so a lot easier, really - but those feelings about work are not dissimilar. There are a lot more staff at my work too - but flooding the place with new staff creates a different set of problems till they find their feet. A workplace full of people who don't fully know what they're doing is a lot more work for those who are experienced - another reason not to go back in unless and until you're ready.


For myself, I'm scouring the job adverts and maybe there will be somewhere where I can work that won't put those same pressures on me. We both of us have experience and transferable skills, but we both need to look after ourselves and not let work be detrimental to our wellbeing.

Sorry to read this @Cherryfudge.
Agree that you both need to look after yourselves & not let work be detrimental to your wellbeing.

Chrystal

Thinking of you, and hoping everything is OK.  XXX

Four_Seasons

Hope you are ok, thinking of you x

Keedie

What a rollercoaster the last week and a half has been!

I kind of had a bit of a relapse in terms of struggling with my thoughts and ability to cope with everything, which just got worse with the stress of the GCSE results day and next steps for my son. But things are settling a bit more now and I'm not as overwhelmed. I've been on autopilot recently and trying to get a minimal baseline of functionality and all of my energy and focus has been on getting my son into college and trying to get on top of everything. 

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words and for checking in on me. It really doesn't go unnoticed and it's much appreciated, even if I'm not good at acknowledging it at the time. I'm getting there thank you @Four_Seasons and @Chrystaland I have been taking everyday as it comes, but I am slowly moving in the right direction.

I'm definitely not rushing back to work, as for the first time in a very long time, I am putting myself first. I need to focus on my recovery and then I can reintroduce work. I'm so sorry to hear that you're also struggling @Cherryfudge, life can be so difficult sometimes can't it? We spend so much of our lives working and if that place is a source of distress, it has a really bad knock on effect on everything else. Our home lives may be different, but the context of work stressing us out, is very similar. I'm not going to let work continue to impact my wellbeing @beanielou, as I am finally working out that I need to work on myself with the same intensity and dedication that I have applied to a job I hate. Sad how I had to reach rock bottom to come to that conclusion, but now that I have, I feel lighter and less pressured to return to work. I know that I am in the right, and it needs to be on my schedule and in line with my recovery. The doctors clearly agree as they have signed me off until 31 October with no questions and Occupational Health has told my manager to stop having her weekly meetings with me as they were stressing me out.

I've been still attending my SLaM Recovery College courses and I've done one out of two days for a course about Resilience and I've got the final session on Thursday. Plus there is a short 2 hour course called Optimising Sleep that I will be going to on Tuesday, and tomorrow afternoon I have the creative writing session at my mental health day centre. I am trying to keep busy enough to give myself a routine so that I am not floundering, but I am making sure that the things I am busy doing are for me. As usually I am running around after everyone else, to my detriment. I found a face to face course called Healthy Eating on a Budget that I have applied to, and it meets Friday mornings for 8 weeks. I am really struggling with food, in terms of appetite and just coping with planning and cooking meals in general. So I am hoping that the course isn't full and I can get the bus there and learn how to make some nutritious food on a budget. My son told me that he's really proud of me for trying so hard and that he admires my strength and he's really grateful that I am his mum. That was very kind of him to say. I often feel incredibly guilty that I can't handle 'normal' stuff, but I am always trying. I guess that's the best I can do.

Well @AntoMac and @LittleMissDetermined, the GCSE results didn't go as well as we'd hoped, but I am still very very proud of him for what  he has achieved and how he has handled all of the uncertainty in the last 2 weeks. After a stressful scramble to find a place on a course at a college that we'd both be happy with him going to, and at a level that will allow him to progress next year, he finally had a late interview and got into his number one choice of college! 🎉. He's very happy as quite a few of his friends from his old school are also going there, so some of his social group are able to reconnect and will be at the same college. They're doing different courses and different levels of study and some are repeating GCSE Maths, GCSE English or both of GCSE like he will have to. But I'm glad that he's got onto a Level 2 Business course, as I was worried about him handling the pressure and demand of a Level 3 course. So this additional year of study gives him a chance to get back into a mainstream setting and realise how hard he has to work if he wants the results to go onto the next phase and do the Level 3 Business course.

He's a lot happier now and he was even quizzing me about what stationary he has and has been hunting for his calculator and getting all of his stuff together. He has a course induction on Wednesday afternoon and another one on Friday morning. So I've got to play hairdresser and get him all spruced up on Tuesday evening so he's all confident for the next day 😂. 

I'm internally wincing about the cost of his travelcard though, as £143 a month is a lot of money and I don't qualify for the bursary or free college meals even though I go into half pay on Tuesday. So it's going to be tight 😬. But I have reduced my Barclaycard direct debit from £300 to £250 a month starting at the end of this month and reduced my standing order to my mum from £100 to £50 a month. So that £100 saving will go towards his travelcard and I will be paying off the final handset with Sky Mobile this week, so that will reduce my phone bill going forward.

I've trimmed back on some other things and I am hoping that by getting better at managing food shopping etc, I can be in a position to cushion some of the impact about going into half pay. My universal credit will increase as my income goes down, but I estimate that there will still be a £400 shortfall despite the increase and my outgoings are going up, so lots of fine tuning required over the coming months. As I don't want a lack of money to be the reason that I rush back to work only to become seriously unwell again.

I'm taking the days as they come, and trying to be a little kinder to myself as I plod along. But now, I'm off to Nando's to use up some of my chilli points and take my son for a celebration meal for getting to the next step and for continuing to push for his future.

Keedie

August 2023 Financial Summary

Starting Balance = £11,927.71 | Amount Repaid = £719.71 (3.19%) | Closing Balance = £11,208.00
Total Repaid to Date = £11,365.30 (50.35%)

Bank of Mum 3 (school fees)
Starting Balance = £2,750 | Amount Repaid = £100 (3.64% repaid) | Closing Balance = £2,650 | Total Repaid to Date= £2,150 (44.79% repaid)
As I am going into half sick pay, I have reduced the monthly payment from £100 to £50 a month from September 2023 onward. So this was the last payment of £100. I had a good chat with my mum about everything and told her that once I am back on my feet, I will increase what I pay per month. If I do manage to have any spare money at the end of the month, then I will put this into a Bank of Mum Pad Pot (which will essentially replace the Mobile Madness pot). For every £25 that I manage to squirrel away, I will make an additional payment. But it's just nice to not have that pressure on my head with my fixed outgoings being too high. 

Barclaycard
Starting Balance = £8,550 | Amount Repaid = £300 (3.51% repaid) | Closing Balance = £8,250 | Total Repaid to Date = £3,846.23 (31.80% repaid)
I bit the bullet and reduced this direct debit to £250 down from £300 a month from September 2023 onward, and even when I return to work and I am earning again, I will keep it at £250. I will eventually be returning to work on less hours than I do now, so my income will be slightly higher than my half sick pay, so I'll continue to keep everything as low as possible. I have accepted that I will need another balance transfer or money transfer around December 2024 as there is no way I will be able to clear the balance by 1 February 2025. I hadn't anticipated being off sick for so long and it will take me a while to recover financially as well. And I won't be working too many hours so that I don't relapse. 

Sky Mobile
Starting Balance = £627.71 | Amount Repaid = £319.71 (50.93% repaid) | Closing Balance = £308 | Total Repaid to Date = £698.03 (69.38% repaid)
My Mobile Madness pot is now at 100% at £291.25 so once the phone bill comes out on 4 September, I will be able to make the final payment for my son's handset and be done with higher phone bills. Yay. The bill will be down to £23.04 a month for both our line rentals, and I am still looking for a better data deal for his phone. They have double data at £10 so it's 20GB instead of 10GB. But he uses a lot of data and is always streaming and messaging as teenagers do, so I don't think that'll really work as he sometimes runs out and has 25GB a month. But we do have a lot of banked data in the data piggy bank that we top up from. But I think the best thing at the moment is to switch to the 30GB for £15 sim deal, as I'm currently paying £15 for 25GB and just keep an eye on any future deals as Sky Mobile lets you change whenever you want to. But the aim is to try and get it under £20 for the both of us. But maybe there will be some Black Friday deal tariffs...

Debt Free 2023 Target = £6,000
Amount Repaid = £4,714.88/£6,000 (78.58% cleared)

Debt Reflection vs Savings Focus

I've FINALLY hit the 50% debt free mark and to have done it in about year is a great feeling. So I'm 50.35% of the way to being debt free 🎉. The next 18 months will see me chip away it in a much slower fashion, but I will be living a more balanced life and being kinder to myself in the way that I manage my finances. I should be approaching 60% by the end of December 2023, so that will be nice.

I've just got two savings goals for the rest of 2023, but I am primarily focussing on the emergency fund.

1. Emergency Fund = £575/£750 (76.67% saved) ~ target date of 31 December 2023
I had to replace two balding tyres at a cost of £150 and realised that £75 a month for the emergency fund was too high so this is now £50 a month from September 2023. I have also lowered my target as of this evening to £750, and my standing order will get me to £725 providing that there are no emergencies, and I will just need to find the additional £25 via surveys or spare change to meet my target.

2. Build a Buffer = £79.10/£250 (15.82% saved) ~ target date of 31 March 2024 
I've halved my buffer target to £250 and I will continue save via round ups and tidying up my bank balance where I can. I figured between the emergency fund and the buffer, I will be £1,000 once they are both in place. Then I can increase the target for both steadily with £200 intervals for the emergency fund to every £50 of the buffer. Given my ongoing reduced finances and the need to save for and keep on top of other things, means that I need to have smaller targets so that I can actually feel like I am getting somewhere..