Sneaky lying husband and money

RAS

Regardless of who owns what, in a financial settlement everything is an asset of the marriage.

In this case the OP would be arguing that the full amount of her husband's pension scheme prior to his withdrawals would be counted in that total, and that when it is was agreed what he would get, his portion would include the sum that he had already wasted. A bit like deprivation of assets and benefits or care costs.

No guarantee that the judge would agree, but worth asking if there are precedents and arguing the point if need be.

nomoredebt

RAS said:

The issue seems to pre-date the stroke? By that time there were substantial debts that required an IVA, with all the financial implication that has.

Giving his missus the bank card then and then opening new accounts does suggest a more recent lack of communication about his needs but that may well be a longer term issue?

When we met he already had debt but I was nieve back then.  I remember he went out one Saturday and got himself a loan for a motorbike without discussing it with me.  Another time he asked me to drive him to his car as 'it had broken down'.  I parked up, he disappeared into a garage and drove out in a new (2nd hand car) again I had no idea.  During the iva I had physical envelopes of money put away for different things like car tax, house insurance etc.  Money would frequently disappear. 

Savvy_Sue

How old are the children? Apologies if you've said and it's passed me by. 

nomoredebt

Savvy_Sue said:

How old are the children? Apologies if you've said and it's passed me by. 

They are both 9. 

HampshireH

Have you gone through all your expenses and worked out what you have left every month without tax credits.

I wouldn't pay the mortgage off. I think I would be looking to put that money is a savings account for now rather than spending it. Or look at a private pension ( I know nothing about pension so that's not advise as such) Least it will be making something on a return.

If you pay the mortgage off and you ever the money then it it's gone.

pinkshoes

nomoredebt said:

RAS said:

The issue seems to pre-date the stroke? By that time there were substantial debts that required an IVA, with all the financial implication that has.

Giving his missus the bank card then and then opening new accounts does suggest a more recent lack of communication about his needs but that may well be a longer term issue?

When we met he already had debt but I was nieve back then.  I remember he went out one Saturday and got himself a loan for a motorbike without discussing it with me.  Another time he asked me to drive him to his car as 'it had broken down'.  I parked up, he disappeared into a garage and drove out in a new (2nd hand car) again I had no idea.  During the iva I had physical envelopes of money put away for different things like car tax, house insurance etc.  Money would frequently disappear. 

It sounds to me like the trust in your relationship has gone. 

And with him frequently being so dishonest, it sounds like you have also lost all respect for him. 

You need to decide if the relationship can continue. I appreciate he has MH issues, but you only get one shot at life and need to do what is best for both you and your kids.

Good luck with this. 

comeandgo

HampshireH said:

Have you gone through all your expenses and worked out what you have left every month without tax credits.

I wouldn't pay the mortgage off. I think I would be looking to put that money is a savings account for now rather than spending it. Or look at a private pension ( I know nothing about pension so that's not advise as such) Least it will be making something on a return.

If you pay the mortgage off and you ever the money then it it's gone.

Definitely not pension as that would be an asset of the marriage and taken into any split.  I would open a bank account and secretly squirrel any money you can.

HampshireH

comeandgo said:

HampshireH said:

Have you gone through all your expenses and worked out what you have left every month without tax credits.

I wouldn't pay the mortgage off. I think I would be looking to put that money is a savings account for now rather than spending it. Or look at a private pension ( I know nothing about pension so that's not advise as such) Least it will be making something on a return.

If you pay the mortgage off and you ever the money then it it's gone.

Definitely not pension as that would be an asset of the marriage and taken into any split.  I would open a bank account and secretly squirrel any money you can.

True but it was his pension to start with or did I misread that so isnt it already? 


I would also start squirreling but she cannot just take his 10k pension payment.

I would bank it and make it untouchable for now 

Pollycat

I think the key point here is that he has been making major financial decisions for a number of years without involving his wife.
I personally would find that totally unacceptable in a relationship.

Savvy_Sue

OP, get yourself to Relate or similar, they will see you on your own. Work out what you need in order to trust him again, and if the answer is that the trust has gone, nothing will fix it, then think about what's best for you and the children.

I agree not to put that money towards the mortgage just now, you may well need it without the tax credits.