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Money Moral Dilemma: I'm crashing on a mate's sofa - can I tell him to stop eating my food?



  • crmism
    crmism Posts: 300 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    You're already paying an agreed amount for your accommodation which doesn't include the provision of food, so I suggest you conceal it while you are there and take it with you when you go out. A haversack would be an ideal place to store it, but buy your food daily, not weekly and whatever you do avoid takeaways.
  • Admiral_Barbarossa
    £160 you can stay until the morning, and thanks for the food!

    Asking for a friend!
    I work from home so my cat can be fed on demand!
  • tenuissent
    tenuissent Posts: 342 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Car Insurance Carver!
    I had the opposite problem. I put up a homeless friend as a temporary emergency (free), and she stayed for three months. I had to ask her to leave in the end as my daughter was coming home and needed her bed back. This friend claimed to be on a strict diet, but would come back every evening, see the supper I had cooked to last me for 2 evenings, cry "Yum yum!" and eat it all up. Such a relief when she finally left.
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Is this REALLY a mate? You are on his sofa, which he doesn’t want you to be, so you already feel unwanted and a burden and then he has the nerve to eat your food? What did he do before you paid him £160 to sleep on a hard sofa? I doubt that he never ate!!!! He is taking the mick big time and you definitely need to say something. For £160 you deserve some respect and to eat the food that you buy. You can have a double bed and private bathroom  in our house for that price and we won’t eat your food. Ditch the “mate” as you would be better off with your enemies.
    You're either Iiving off grid or don't have an accurate picture of how much it costs to have someone else live with you. 

    £160 a month is less than £37 a week. When most people think of extra costs, they think of the obvious like energy, water and possibly council tax (if previously in receipt of council tax single persons discount). They don't think about things like additional wear and tear on appliances/fittings. 

    Not saying he's right to eat the food (actually annoys me how people wouldnt steal £10 from your purse, but will from your pantry) ....just that it's likely costing more than £37 per week for him to be there, and also that the "friend" is probably saving the person a lot more since they're kipping on his sofa and not having to pay rent/bills of their own.

    Also that this friend may see the person as more of an acquaintance, or perhaps is annoyed they're using their things as if they were their own, or perhaps wants them gone so is passively aggressively trying to motivate them to move out. 

    It's all about perspective. You don't bite the hand that feeds, at least not unless there's another hand who is going to feed you or you can feed yourself. 

    Whatever this food is costing him, it is probably much less than what it would cost him if his "friend" wasn't putting him up. 

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
  • Emerion
    Emerion Posts: 60 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    He doesn’t sound like  someone you’d want to be living with unless you had to. Who would dream of taking food from someone who has fallen on hard times? But I wouldn’t rock the boat, by kicking up a fuss, because you have no alternative at the moment. You have to share the house and it could easily get hard to do that if he takes it badly. Responders above have made good suggestions, and you could try a combination of all of them, whilst working towards moving on as soon as you can. Good luck. 
  • 666666
    666666 Posts: 73 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper
    This is such a hard thing for outsiders to judge without knowing any background information of both of your situations, your personalities, how close you are to each other, how long have you stayed at his place and for how much longer you expect to stay there. To be honest sounds to me like he is passive aggressively trying to make you leave. Depending on the above core missing information he could either be a bad friend or justified in doing so. But to solve your immediate problem without being told where the door is, I reckon keep dry food that can easily be eaten without further processing in your personal storage space. I suspect if you buy raw veggies or meat, he wouldn't eat those because he still would have to cook those? So you can keep those type of food in the fridge and unfortunately for things like dairy and fruits just buy as you need them but there might not be much you can do if he decides to use your milk or eat your yogurt as you can't buy single serving everyday for those kind of things. Fruits you might be able to hide if you buy 1-2 days of supplies. But honestly, I can't imagine you'd be able to do this long term. I would be more worried devising my long term plan to leave this living situation if possible. I know it's probably not easy but wishing you all the best. Hopefully things will get better. 
  • DiFitz
    DiFitz Posts: 2 Newbie
    First Post
    Difficult as the the friend is doing you a huge favour and where would you go if they hadn't agreed to it?  Could you have a cheerful but open chat about maybe you offering to do your friends shopping too and maybe some shared cooking. Suggest that you clearly label whose food is whose once purchased adding something like "I'll stick to mine and you to yours but I'm happy to pre-plan a couple of shared meals a week - it would save us both time and money!?"  
    This kind of depends on what kind of amount of food they are eating of yours each week, yes they are taking advantage, but lets hope its not being done in an attempt to provoke an argument or to get you to leave.  I once had a lodger for 3 months that stayed over a year. The money was useful but the novelty soon wore off!
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