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Money Moral Dilemma: I'm crashing on a mate's sofa - can I tell him to stop eating my food?



  • sweetnsalty
    He really is doing you a favour.  Learn to cook from scratch and cook for both of you. Read between the lines if he's saying he had no time to shop and make him happy to have you there, be more grateful.
  • confusedgranny
    Offer to shop for him, and keep the receipt for his food separate so that he pays. 
    Or, as others have said, cook joint meals if you eat the same things.
    Maybe you could find helpful advice on your accommodation options from Citizens Advice, or maybe the food bank people (I think they help in other ways). Shame to let this spoil your friendship and it doesn't sound ideal for either of you.
  • NBLondon
    NBLondon Posts: 5,560 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Photogenic
    Move in with ripongrammargirl

    I need to think of something new here...
  • LP53
    LP53 Posts: 29 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    It seems like he wasn’t keen on having a lodger in the first place and he’s letting you stay as you’re his friend. 
    It’s very difficult living with someone else and can cause irritation on both parts- I speak from experience.
    Ask if you can put too for an online shop as you’re struggling a bit and it would save money for both of you. If he’s having the odd biscuit or tea bag I’d try to let it slip as he’s doing you a favour and renting somewhere and paying bills yourself would cost a lot more.

  • Peter_Vince
    Peter_Vince Posts: 12 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    If he's "too busy" (or can't be bothered !) to shop for his own food, and you do have the time, then offer to buy stuff for him - as long as he pays you. Stealing yours when you can't afford to replace it is totally unacceptable.
  • chasb73
    chasb73 Posts: 7 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Easy, just offer to buy his food for him if he gives you the money. You have the time to buy food and he doesn't, he's letting you sleep on his sofa for minimal money... it's a win win for everyone
  • Bluberry139
    Bluberry139 Posts: 12 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    He clearly feels entitled to eat your food since he has done you what he sees as this huge favour. £40 a wk isnt much for rent and bills, especially if you at home all day while he's at work. The 'no time to shop' excuse is just that, sounds very much like he thinks its ok, feels entitled to do it but doesnt want to say so.

    So I'd acknowledge the entitlement, after all its not unreasonable to think 'a little food is the least you can give him for the intrusion, it is a pain having someone crashing when you like your own space and he said he wasnt keen, so acknowledge it. I'd say something along the lines of

    'yeesh i'd love to be able to afford to buy all the food, for us both, after all it's what you deserve for your kindness living here, but you just ate tomorrow's dinner but it cost 'x amount' and i havent any money to replace it, i'm not sure what to do because i need to eat. Can we negotiate something how can i help? Could i do both our shopping & deduct your half from the £160? I feel awful because i wish i could buy it all after you've been so good as to let me stay'

    If he doesnt want to negotiate some arrangement/weedles out of it, or stop eating yours, when he knows you then cant eat because you cant buy any more, then you'll know that eating your food is his passive-aggressive way of saying he doesnt want you there.

    Often people do things they intensely dont want to do, because they feel they cant say no, (such as letting a friend crash) & then have passive aggressive (ie sideways) digs at the person, especially if are angry with them for some reason (eg for putting them in a difficult position). They're not always conscious of it but it's common.

    It may even be that he thinks if he keeps eating your food you'll get fed up & move on, even though you're clear thats not an option, people who've never been in your position sometimes simply cant process the reality of 'nowhere else to go' 

    If thats the case then you havent much option other than not buying any food that you're not going to eat yourself, immediately.

  • JayD
    JayD Posts: 705 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post

    You have obviously tackled him about eating your food, as he has given you an explanation as to why he does it.

    So, I agree with many others here - offer to food shop for you both and either he gives you something towards that food, or else agree to deduct a set sum from your 'rent'.

    Not sure what kind of food you are both eating, but if suitable, offering to cook for the two of you as well, might also help.
  • rwgray
    rwgray Posts: 554 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    You have a place to live for £160 a month. Your mate is keeping you off the streets. Let him share your food. Try to feel good about it, even if you have to eat less yourself. 
  • Vahlrona
    A bit more back story would be helpful, are you unable to work or have you gotten into crippling debt and paying that back for example? Face value answer is £40 a week all in for accommodation, bills, potentially internet is cheap under £6 a day. Your friend was not keen on you staying but has still let you share his space. Have you considered looking up super budget recipes, lentils, tinned tomatoes and spices can go a long way, then  cook up a batch of hot food you can happily share . You will be using your friends utilities to cook the food that you paid very little for, so you both are contributing to each others lives. Conclusion, you all eat nutritional, cheap meals and he does not regret his decision to let you stay.
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