Shoulder to cry on please

Murphybear

Our little cat is now 20.  I’ve never had one that age before and am struggling.

she was diagnosed with kidney problems 2 years ago and has been doing well with the special diet.  She managed to run up the stairs and was eating well.  However she is now getting ragged and thin, struggles to walk upstairs and cries a lot.  The last few days she doesn’t seem to be eating.  I know in my heart it is time to let her go but my husband is not convinced.  I’m an experienced cat owner and have never really not known before.  

I can’t talk about it without crying.  Part of the problem is that now we’re getting older we probably won’t get another cat (we’re 69/73) as we don’t want to be too old to look after one when we get older.

I’m going to ring the vet tomorrow for a chat

Thank you for reading, I know many of you will have been in the same boat.  

sheramber

She has had along life but she cannot go on forever. It is a decision we all dread. It is never easy but it is the last kind thing we can do for a beloved pet.  

You will always have your memories and her pawprints will always be on your heart.

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done?
For this - the last battle - can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hands,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn' t want me to suffer so,
When the time comes please let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me,
until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do for me.
Although my tail it's last has waved,
From pain and suffering, I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you,
Who has to decide these things you do.
We've been so close - we two - these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Unknown

donnac2558

I am sorry, but you really need to do the best for your cat.   She sounds as if she has come to the end, and you do not want her suffering. 

Make an appointment and bring her to the vet, let him check and go with him advice.

MatyMoo

it truly is the hardest part of sharing our life with our pets………but when you know it’s time it is the last kind thing we can do for them, even if it leaves us 💔

Dont rule out getting another when you are ready, how about an older rescue or fostering for your local rescue. 

elsien

It is a really hard decision to make - you keep hanging on in there in the hope that maybe tomorrow will be better but then tomorrow often isn’t. 

It sounds as if you feel it’s the right time but your husband hasn’t accepted that. 

Planned is better if possible - what you don’t want is the stress of taking your beloved pet to the vet, to be told that you need to make the decision there and then. Been there, wouldn’t want that to happen again. 

Is it worth seeing if the vet is willing to come to you and have your cat go to sleep at home? I don’t know how that works with covid but a question worth asking. 

Whatever happens, it hurts. But maybe better early than too late? 

Marmaduke123

You're not too old to have another cat in due course. I'm older than you and planning to have one in a couple of months, following the euthanasia of my last cat a month or so ago. A neighbour and family members have offered to take on any new cat if it outlives me, which really helped me to make up my mind.

It's a tough decision to put a beloved pet to sleep but you mustn't let your cat suffer. Euthanasia is very gentle and quick.

Murphybear

Thank you all so much for your lovely thoughts, particularly sheramber for the bittersweet poem.  

After lots of cuddles and tears my husband has agreed that the time has come to let her go so he’ll call the vet tomorrow to make the appointment (I couldn’t talk to them without floods of tears).  20 years is a long time for a cat, in cat years she’s the same age as the Queen and David Attenborough 

No matter how many times you go through this it never gets any easier as many of you know.  

We’ve got lots of plans for trips around the country that we had to put off because of Covid and then we will rethink about another cat.  

That’s her on my avatar if you want to see her, my name, murphybear, is after the previous cat.

Thanks once again, love murphybear

ps it really helps posting on here 

Claddagh_Noir

Murphybear said:

Our little cat is now 20.  I’ve never had one that age before and am struggling.

she was diagnosed with kidney problems 2 years ago and has been doing well with the special diet.  She managed to run up the stairs and was eating well.  However she is now getting ragged and thin, struggles to walk upstairs and cries a lot.  The last few days she doesn’t seem to be eating.  I know in my heart it is time to let her go but my husband is not convinced.  I’m an experienced cat owner and have never really not known before.  

I can’t talk about it without crying.  Part of the problem is that now we’re getting older we probably won’t get another cat (we’re 69/73) as we don’t want to be too old to look after one when we get older.

I’m going to ring the vet tomorrow for a chat

Thank you for reading, I know many of you will have been in the same boat.  

Hi Murphybear. 

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have been there.  

I hope no one bites my head off but I do not agree with telling someone to get another cat / dog  while their are grieving or about to grieve the loss of the present pet.  I have had it said to me once when our cat passed away suddenly some years ago. 

A pet owner knows when it is time, we do not want to think about it or face it.  I agree with the other posters where they say this is the last loving thing you can do for them.  It's such a shame they cannot verbalise that they are not well, but we can just tell in their eyes and behaviour.  It's also a shame that pets do not live as long as we do.

In regards to having the vet come to you, I hear it can be very expensive but would probably be for the best if the pet gets stressed in the carrier.  Cats always seem to do a deep and lingering meow when they are in their carrier. 

I hope your vet is supportive and talks everything through with you.   I cannot fault my vet. We knew for some time that the inevitable was coming but one day we just knew and luckily the vet saw us the same day. 

Hopefully, you can make a colleage or picture book spanning all the years of Murphybear.  She looks gorgeous in the avatar by the way. 

You are in my thoughts. 

Murphybear

Hi all I thought you’d like to know

I rang the vet this morning and after a very tearful chat we got an appointment in an hour.  Our vet is very close and Squeaky never panics in the car so it wasn’t a problem.  We were put in a private room until the vet was ready and then we took her out of the carrier and she lay down and curled up.  A lovely cat loving lady vet made a huge fuss of her and talking everything through calmed me down.  After 20 minutes Squeaky was happy and relaxed so we said our goodbyes and left.

I didn’t want to stay because I would have been in floods of tears which may have stressed her out.  Our last memories of her were when she looked much happier than we had seen for weeks.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts 

RIP Squeaky

Silvertabby

I'm so, so sorry.  I know that you will be in bits now, but please take comfort in the fact that you did the right thing for Squeaky.

When we lost our silvertabby to cancer I was determined that we wouldn't have another cat as I just couldn't go through that heartbreak again - but the old saying that 'you don't choose a cat, a cat chooses you' is very true.

You'll know when the time is right. You won't be replacing Squeaky - you'll be honouring her memory by giving another puss the wonderful life that she had with you.

Now I'm crying again....X

TripleH

I'm so sorry 😞

We have had a few wobbles with our 17 year old over the last 3 years but the way she's going, she'll probably outlive our middle 2.

My wife's aunt has got a new cat. He is a 10 year old who sadly lost his owner. According to SIL, he's nice and calm and just wants a warm lap to see out his years.

This suits the aunt as she is mid 70's and husband is late 70's.