Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask for my daughter's school-leavers' celebrations to be cheaper?

edited 26 April at 5:41PM in MoneySaving mums
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  • MalMonroeMalMonroe Forumite
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    Perhaps we could be a bit more mindful please of people who put themselves forward to set up and run these events in their spare time, for no pay, for others benefits. If you don’t like what they are doing, then you can always step-up and volunteer to do it yourself.
    The State is actively pushing to increase the volunteer sector and the directional of travel is clear - some essential services that you and your loved ones rely on today and are provided by the State for a cost, might be reliant on the goodwill of volunteers in the future.
    What? 

    We need to be mindful please of the plight of those parents who cannot afford to give their children what some other parents can afford, without suffering in other areas of their family life. The children suffer and that's not right. Nothing to do with volunteers or the state or anything else in this particular case. 
    Please note that comments are strictly my own opinion, intended to help - never hinder. If they do not help then please ignore as the intention of the forum is to help everyone, if possible. MSE forum rules clearly state "no two people have the same circumstances or experiences and it is up to you to investigate, check and check again before you make any decisions or take any action based on information you glean from our community. Remember, don't rely on what you are reading. Verify it and protect yourself. You are responsible for any action you consequently make." It's always best to verify everything. Inappropriate comments will be reported, as per the Forum rules.
  • MalMonroeMalMonroe Forumite
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    I think the parent committee should have contacted parents in the first instance before they decided what was going to happen. In my young day we left school and that was it. When I left primary school we had a party one afternoon during the last week and all the students took in either sandwiches or cake or jelly or crisps or orange cordial. And then on the final Friday, we had a school disco. We had a great time. 

    Do primary school children really need a yearbook to remind them of their schoolmates? I think that's ridiculous even at senior level. And as others have said, why on earth are we copying American customs here? Prom nights, hiring stretch limos (can't get round our titchy little streets in the UK!), yearbooks, etc., it's not really us, is it?

    You could ask the committee to scale back but if the kids know already, it's going to be difficult. You could always say your daughter can't participate but then that'd be awful for her. I was a single parent working full time and had to scrimp and save and would have really resented a committee who organised such things without any consultation with parents. But I would have had to scrimp and scrape the money together so my daughter could join in, no matter how much I resented it.  
    Please note that comments are strictly my own opinion, intended to help - never hinder. If they do not help then please ignore as the intention of the forum is to help everyone, if possible. MSE forum rules clearly state "no two people have the same circumstances or experiences and it is up to you to investigate, check and check again before you make any decisions or take any action based on information you glean from our community. Remember, don't rely on what you are reading. Verify it and protect yourself. You are responsible for any action you consequently make." It's always best to verify everything. Inappropriate comments will be reported, as per the Forum rules.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Perhaps we could be a bit more mindful please of people who put themselves forward to set up and run these events in their spare time, for no pay, for others benefits. If you don’t like what they are doing, then you can always step-up and volunteer to do it yourself.
    The State is actively pushing to increase the volunteer sector and the directional of travel is clear - some essential services that you and your loved ones rely on today and are provided by the State for a cost, might be reliant on the goodwill of volunteers in the future.
    Perhaps the "people who put themselves forward to set up and run these events in their spare time, for no pay, for others benefits" should also be mindful that the financial situation of parents can be very different and not make such ridiculous, unnecessary, expensive plans.
  • Angelica123Angelica123 Forumite
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    It is a shame that we seem to be adopting so many more of these American costly customs.

    I imagine the committee got over enthusiastic in their planning. As is always the case, without diversity representation, people are only aware of their POV. If everyone around you is in a similar finance situation, then it's easy to forget that not everyone is as fortunate a position. 

    I am sure there are many others who are similarly concerned about the financial implications. While I think previous suggestions of talking about the wider living costs situation is a good one, I do think people hear messages more clearly if they are personal (rather than a more abstract concept). I also think that helping to provide a solution makes the conversation more productive - other than scaling back, the fundraising idea is also a good one.

    Don't worry about feeling you are depriving children of anything. I has a hoodie and yearbook for end of secondary school - doubt they are still in my parents' house. Those type of things don't really matter in long run. The only things the kids will care about is spending time together - which could be done for free. 
  • Terry_ByfordTerry_Byford Forumite
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    For some, £75 will be a lot to fork out. This parent says that they could, at a pinch, scrape the money together but it will involve sacrifices elsewhere.  We aren't told what is being offered for the £75 outlay, but nevertheless the bigger consideration would seem to me to be the cost of not  going along with it. Is the child really looking forward to it and how will they feel when they see their friends having a good time together. And let's not overlook the parent. How will they cope with the child's disappointment? This will stay with them for years. For the child it's a one-off never to be repeated event. 

    I don't envy the parent at all in this scenario, but on balance I feel that they personally would feel better within themselves if they can see a way to letting the child participate. It's the sacrifices we make for others that make us better individuals.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    For some, £75 will be a lot to fork out. This parent says that they could, at a pinch, scrape the money together but it will involve sacrifices elsewhere.  We aren't told what is being offered for the £75 outlay, but nevertheless the bigger consideration would seem to me to be the cost of not  going along with it. Is the child really looking forward to it and how will they feel when they see their friends having a good time together. And let's not overlook the parent. How will they cope with the child's disappointment? This will stay with them for years. For the child it's a one-off never to be repeated event. 

    I don't envy the parent at all in this scenario, but on balance I feel that they personally would feel better within themselves if they can see a way to letting the child participate. It's the sacrifices we make for others that make us better individuals.
    Impossible to find a way to let the child participate if they are the parents who are currently having to choose between eat and heat.
  • TBagpussTBagpuss Forumite
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    Perhaps we could be a bit more mindful please of people who put themselves forward to set up and run these events in their spare time, for no pay, for others benefits. If you don’t like what they are doing, then you can always step-up and volunteer to do it yourself.
    The State is actively pushing to increase the volunteer sector and the directional of travel is clear - some essential services that you and your loved ones rely on today and are provided by the State for a cost, might be reliant on the goodwill of volunteers in the future.
    Except the reality is that not everyone can " step-up and volunteer to do it yourself". - having the leisure and capacity to step up to do voluntary work is not something which everyone can afford - being poor is exhausting and time consuming, people who are only just managing financially are less likely to have the mental energy needed to be able to devote time and energy to volunteering as well.

    Yes, people who volunteer to organise and run this kind of thing are working and their motives may well include wishing to help / benefit others, but if they are actually creating further problems they aren't achieving that aim.  

    It's actually a fairly common problem,  volunteering costs time and money, which excludes those who can't afford one, the other, or both. 
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • TBagpussTBagpuss Forumite
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    For some, £75 will be a lot to fork out. This parent says that they could, at a pinch, scrape the money together but it will involve sacrifices elsewhere.  We aren't told what is being offered for the £75 outlay, but nevertheless the bigger consideration would seem to me to be the cost of not  going along with it. Is the child really looking forward to it and how will they feel when they see their friends having a good time together. And let's not overlook the parent. How will they cope with the child's disappointment? This will stay with them for years. For the child it's a one-off never to be repeated event. 

    I don't envy the parent at all in this scenario, but on balance I feel that they personally would feel better within themselves if they can see a way to letting the child participate. It's the sacrifices we make for others that make us better individuals.
    I am very wary of this type of thinking. Doing something nice for another person, even at cost to ourselves, can be a positive thing, but equally this sort of attitude can just be a form of emotional blackmail and guilt tripping. I don't think adding fincail strian makes anyone a better person, 
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • TripleHTripleH Forumite
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    When I left 6th form we had a leavers book. The group that 'organised' it did so to suit them and I remember hurtful comments were made about others in it with the poor individuals who were insulted expected to fork out got it.
    We had school photographs when at primary school. Unless you went to secondary school or were close outside school, how many people are still in touch with those at primary school?
    I understand some memorable experience but do you need more materialistic tat that will be binned in 6 years?
    May you find your sister soon Helli.
    Sleep well.
  • beardedwundabeardedwunda Forumite
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    As a teacher myself, I would ask for a cost breakdown. These types of gifts/leaving experiences shouldn't turn a profit, but nor should they eat into a school's diminishing budget. With a cost breakdown, it may be possible to source part of the experience yourself or suggest an alternative supplier to lesson the cost.
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